Name: Bill Burr - Cereal
Uploaded: 2017-02-17T15:21:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Cereal' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Cereal' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-17. Transcript available.

that was another thing i liked about that old guy who smoked 12 cigars a day
and he lived he's 109
he's still going like one of the oldest world war ii veterans out there um what
i liked about him
was he paid cash for everything paid cash for everything you know just
completely you know i
wonder if you just slipped through the cracks after a while if you came into
this world and
you just paid cash for everything and you never went on the internet you know
somebody'd still
take a fucking selfie with you and then that would be it and everybody like who's
this guy
who's this mysterious guy that's never been on the internet and pays cash for
everything
you know all the advertising world would be all obsessed we don't know what
kind of toothpaste he
uses we can't have that starts fucking spying on him with like a drone and shit
um i don't know
what's going on here i just had a bowl of cereal maybe that's what it is i
thought it was a healthy
bowl do you guys like the checks family of cereals i'm big on the checks
families speaking of which
so many cereals have just fucking disappeared when my wife was pregnant when
she was preggers oh my god
you look so cute um when she was pregnant um she was requesting all these
fucking cereals
you know from back in the day for some reason i'm thinking the big the ending
of star trek right now
she wanted alpha bits they don't fucking make those anymore some somehow you
can go to target
you know but that involves that involves like you know going to a mall it's one
of those anchor stores
you know which is the goal of anybody with a small business someday i'm going
to be an anchor store
at a fucking mall then then i'll be happy right and you got to fucking deal
with the parking garage
and then you're like following somebody like a serial killer as they're trying
to get back to
their fucking car and then they get in there and they start checking the text
messages and the person
behind you starts beeping and it just becomes like you know what it just
becomes one of those things
where you just have to be like you know what fuck this cereal fuck alpha bits
fuck boo berry count
chocula frankenberry sugar corn smacks honeycomb fuck all of these cereals i
don't know where they are
anymore you know what they're like they're like old music acts that play casinos
you know what i mean
like lover boy they're somewhere right now this weekend and they're gonna sing
everybody's working
for the weekend right there somewhere do do do do do do do do everybody needs a
second chance
yeah you want a piece of my heart tell me that lead singer didn't kind of look
like dan marino back in
the day um anyways that's what like old cereal is like they're on the casino
tour they're not in
like grocery stores as far as cereal goes food in general when you're in all
the grocery stores
that's you're at the height of your career right you're bruno mars you're doing
the fucking prince
thing at the grammys right and then somewhere you know but you're on the you're
right at the
fucking mid-level shelf too you're headlining maybe even the top shelf but
right at fucking eyeball
level whatever average height is you're right fucking there sandwiched between
the czech cereals
of uh czech family of cereals and then you got the cornflakes on the other side
you're right
there your big stupid fucking face and whatever sugary horse shit you're
selling to the public
right and then somewhere along the line it just you know you run out of hits
you collaborate with
the wrong people people's palates change and then you get you get you get
pushed out you know
you start going to those places where you know you can only get them in certain
cities you're only in
target like michelope um michelope light michelope light the only place i've
been able to buy that
was in the city of new orleans once michelope ultra came along it just
completely fucked over
michelope light i don't know where it went it's the first beer i ever got drunk
on i love that beer
i love me some michelope light and um
i don't know i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about i was just asking if
you guys would
like to check cereals you know i didn't want to do a whole 80s fucking comedy
routine on cereal did i
you know oh fuck it let's keep going then you got wheaties wheaties is like the
frank sinatra
you know like the rat pack like they're never going away they're timeless
fucking classics
you know fly me to the moon
eat this fucking shit that's really not good for you fucking bruce jenner didn't
eat this that's not
why he won the gold medal
um in other words he's a whore um anyways you got wheaties what are the
classics grape nuts
they're hanging in there they're on the bottom shelf grape nuts is bottom shelf
you know they're still there they're still playing the fucking you know they're
playing
the big rooms but not the a rooms you know was another one that's hung around
for a long
fucking time great nut flakes sort of the billy carter of the fucking grape nut
family all right i'm
done with this fucking shit