Name: Bill Burr - Patrice Benefit | Pitching A Movie | Coach K
Uploaded: 2017-02-24T15:07:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Patrice Benefit | Pitching A Movie | Coach K' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Patrice Benefit | Pitching A Movie | Coach K' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-24. Transcript available.

Bill Burr - Patrice Benefit | Pitching A Movie | Coach K

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you i got bogged down in the
mud on that one
i didn't think i was going to pull myself out but you know what i reached down
deep
showed what i had in on me in on me showed what i had in me um anyways hey you
know what it's nice
to be here it's nice to be back out here in sunny l.a after uh going back to
new york it was chilly
for old billy back there in uh new york city i'm getting soft out here and you
know what i love it
i fucking love it that's the big thing that east coast people always say when
you go out west hey
don't don't lose your edge bro don't don't be getting all hollywood on me dude
it's like dude
um you're basically telling me don't become happy that's what you're saying don't
don't be getting
too happy what are you gonna do do it you can walk around you're gonna get some
sandals really
you fucking toes hanging out oh yeah whatever dude wearing some fucking clam
diggers
um no it's just nice i went back there and i uh you know i'm one of these
fucking l.a people now i
don't really have a winter coat coat i have a pea coat um you know it's funny
this woman was breaking
my balls telling me it wasn't a real one because i didn't get it at the army
navy store it's like
those fucking things that's like wearing thick pajamas peacoat doesn't work the
second it's below
like you know 40 degrees it's one of those you know what it's got a mid-range
jumper that's that's all
that fucking coat has you know what i mean it can't run the court doesn't play
any fucking d
it's too fucking hot you know once you get to like 58 degrees it's too fucking
hot to wear that coat
way too hot 55 right that coat basically exists from about 39 degrees to maybe
51. you know what i mean
if you get a decent one if you get a decent one like i bought a decent one
actually nia bought me a
decent one but she used my money to do it so you know what i mean technically i
mean you know she
fucking used my money so i guess i bought it you know i guess i do have an
assistant it's my wife
who has access to all my funds you got to do that with your wife you know what
i mean just give her
access to all your funds it just gives you so much leverage in an argument just
use that next time you
know but you sure you were too loud you were snoring just honey honey you have
access to all of my funds
do you understand that you have access to all my funds i go to an airport and
leave leave you here
with access to all i don't i don't i don't even know what i'm going to come
back to is there even
going to be anything here
now what what is the problem with the fucking glass that i didn't wash
i always make me out like she's a nag she really isn't she really isn't but it's
just um
i guess it's just a fear of of you know being with somebody that can they can
take you for everything
you got prenup doesn't mean out here in california you know what i mean you
know what a prenup is in
california that's like when there's a blitz and the fullback misses the
assignment that's that's what
the prenup is you think that is going to pick up that that Lawrence taylor wannabe
coming
right around the outside nah he missed it he's sitting there with happy feet
where is he he's
behind you and then you get the old right there fred right where your back of
your helmet hits
the middle of your spine as your head snaps back that's what a prenup is out
here so um
anyways i don't know what i'm talking about here um i just get back from new york
city i had such a
fucking great time going back there doing the fifth annual patrice o'neal
benefit right out of the gate
thank you to everyone that came down to the show the show was unbelievable i
mean
i i wasn't there last year because of the snow i got snowed in but of the four
that i've seen that
might have been the strongest show that we've had we've always had strong shows
but there was
something about that show was like the perfect level of um of his friends of
new guys that were
influenced by him and just the ball breaking that was going on during the show
uh jesus christ rich voss making fun of keith robinson
what's his face i think norton of course norton had the best line
he was talking about how funny keith was he goes you should have had a stroke
15 years ago
he goes i don't understand how keith had a stroke and he still talks he's still
easier to understand than
rich voss those are probably two of the best ones and uh voss had like this
stupid he had like this
paisley shirt from like the early 90s like every drum instructional video that
i bought from the early
90s where they'd have those jazz guys who were such good musicians you know you
get so good that your
music sucks after a while they were playing like that um 94 7 the way hey that
smooth jazz you know
he had one of those shirts and then he had like a justin timberlake does bing
crosby one of
those hipster hats that even hipsters stopped wearing those things like 10
years ago and it was blue on
blue so we were backstage and you know all of us jaded people are going no rich
it looks good yeah you
should wear it because he wasn't sure about it and pete davidson the new kid
right new kid he's already on
fucking snl that's how old i am he's he was actually telling rich going you
rich you can't wear that it
looks terrible and i was finally like pete shut up the whole game is that we
know it looks don't tell
him that and he just started laughing then he went along with it and i believe
he took it off his head
at the end at the end of his set we had such a great time and everybody killed
um right out of the gate
we had dan soda went up first after voss and um he went up there and absolutely
just murdered it
was like he'd been doing theaters his whole life keith killed pete davidson
destroyed even though he
did this whole bit about there's no excuse to go bald that kind of bugged me um
in this day and age
saying there was enough medicine out there or something like that uh then jim norton
crushed
then it was david tell and then leslie jones and um then i had to mop up in the
end after all those
guys killing man it was awesome and thank you of course to maureen tarrant who's
the real force
behind the whole thing she puts the whole thing together she gets all us add
comics somehow to show
up at the same place at the right time every year um she deals with all the
finances of renting out the
place she deals with the whole thing um so special thanks to her and once again
everybody that came
out everybody at the stand you know uh dave and chris down at the stand for
always hooking us up with
the after party and all that um just had a great time and that's it all right
um until we do it again
next year um it really is my i gotta be honest it's my favorite gig of the year
it's so much fun
because i get none of these guys i ever get to work with them now because they
all headline now if i get
to see him again it's just such a great time jim florentine just came down to
hang out i'm trying
to make sure i remember everybody but it was uh it was great and i was in new york
for a couple of days
i had a great time like the first night monday night i just went out and i
started hitting all
these clubs that i used to uh you know i used to work out in back in the day
when i lived in new york
i went to caroline's first and uh jumped on this show and um you know i was
waiting to go on and
as always you know i always end up seeing somebody funny it's comedian carmen
lynch who i've seen a
bunch of times before but i hadn't seen her in a while i'm not going to tell
you the bit but she did
some bit that was hilarious and i believe she's going to be on stephen colbert
this friday night
she told me she was going to be doing the bit the bit's basically about um
people that can sleep
through anything um so anyways i went up and i have i just go on stage and i do
this that i'm working on
and some older that i'm bringing back that i'm putting a new spin on and it was
just
wire to wire this perfect set i was taping it you know i i have a 0.2 chance
that i'll actually go
back and listen to it but the fact that i'm recording it makes me feel good
right and i was actually going
to listen to it because i got these gigs coming up in phoenix right i got to
get my together
and this set ends and for whatever reason i never touched the phone it just
shut off after like two
minutes i'm like you gotta be kidding me so then i go up to the car but i still
felt great
you know and um i was like i'll remember i'll remember this so i go up to the
comic strip
um which was my home club when i first got to new york way back in the day with
lucian the late
great lucian holt we would sit there going sit there you'd walk in and be like
hey oh lucian hey
i'm a comedian i just moved down from boston he was just gone yeah i already
have enough white guys
he would literally say that i already have enough white guys and i remember all
these white guy comics
would get so mad and be like you see you see it's the same thing that's reverse
facing me
it's like no it isn't it isn't you know what the he's saying
he has a million of you and if you're just going to be another white guy that
grew up in
a cul-de-sac he already has it it's like it's a grocery store all right and he's
got he's got
ears of corn stacked up to the you know ceiling and you come in you want to buy
a bushel no
i don't you got any chickpeas there freckles right so i i knew what he meant
when he said it
it's like don't come in here and just be doing the uh what's the deal with so i
remember when he said that to me i just was a little frustrated but i just said
to myself i'll
get in here i'll get in here eventually but um oh man i remember there's so
many white dude comics
we get so mad at that um you could never say that to another group of people it's
like yeah
but it's white on white so you can get away with it you know what i mean like
black people can say
up to each other it's you can keep it in house it's like your family you can
say whatever the
you want you're still going to sit down for thanksgiving together you have to
your family
you know what i mean it's the same thing i remember exactly where i was i just
remember him smiling
and nodding and he closed his eyes and i was like oh my god this guy's actually
an open person
you know i'd love to get his spot here and he's smiling nodding i'm like here
it comes
maybe he's gonna give me a phone number or something i already have enough
white guys
i was sitting there with my stupid backpack
just walking away we used to always use the reference of bill bixby at the end
of the hulk you
know when he would just be walking down the road with that sad piano music that's
how i left the club
but um i had my little positive things that i would say to myself to uh to get
me to you know
to go over to the next club who the was over at stand up new york back in the
day
he was a good dude i remember he had a dead tooth that's all i remember and i
would i would go in there
and um he didn't sugarcoat it at all when i walked up to him i remember telling
him that i was a new
comic and the the look of pain on his he just sort of looked up like i was
talking to the side of his
head and he just looked up and he just made this this face literally like he
had a major operation
and they were this is the first time they were removing the bandages that was
the look on his face
when i talked to him i think i actually petered out through the sentence i was
like hey uh whatever
his name hey so my name's bill burr i'm a comedian i just moved down here from
new york and i uh just
want to yeah and then i just walked away
so all these years later to still be able to go back to new york and walk into
these clubs
and they still know who i am and they'll actually put me on stage the thrill of
that and the privilege
of that has never gone away so anyway so i go to i go 