Name: Bill Burr - Hot Labels
Uploaded: 2017-03-17T14:47:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Hot Labels' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-03-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Hot Labels' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-03-17. Transcript available.

I remember when I was in college and, uh, yeah, like I was never that fucking
rebel guy.
I remember walking by this chick one time and I just had like mainstream
clothes on.
I had like a polo shirt and regular shit.
I remember I walked by and she just goes, ooh, hot labels.
I just want to be like, you fucking goth cunt.
You look like every other fucking goth cunt here.
You guys all, I don't know what fucking every blacks, everything painted black
store.
You fucking walk in.
You all have the same fucking makeup.
You all have the same fucking lipstick.
Yeah.
It's just, you know, cause there's no goth food court.
You feel like you're out of, you're out of the reach of the corporations.
I'll never forget that.
Ooh, hot labels.
And I kind of liked her too.
Cause a lot of those goth chicks were cute.
You know, if you could get past the fucking, you know,
nowadays I would actually, I would totally steer clear of them knowing what I
know.
It's like, Oh God.
Uh, let me, I, I would have one question.
Do you, or do you not hate your parents?
You do.
And see ya.
I'm not fucking going through that shit.
Those fucking long talks about everything that they did to you.
You know, Hey, you know what?
My parents did shit too, you know?
And I'm a parent now and I'm going to do shit.
You know, that doesn't mean you got to fucking walk around dressed like you're
in a wake.
Okay.
I mean, why are you dressed like that?
Cause you got bullied.
Now look at you.
Now you're just bringing this shit onto yourself.
What are you waiting for bullies to become enlightened and be like, Oh, I guess
people have the right to be different.
It's not going to happen.
So at the very least, if you're going to walk around like that, at least at
some point, take the makeup off, go into a dojo and learn some fucking MMA shit
so you can protect yourself.
So I guess in the end of the day, I'm not really attacking goth people.
I'm really saying, uh, how about fuck her?
She still judged me, right?
Ooh, hot labels.
I was sick.
One of those things where you walk and you kind of stop for half a second and
then you, is it worth it?
It's not worth it.
I just kept going.
I forget what her fucking name was.
It was either Natasha or Brooke, which was always a fucking hot girl name when
I was growing up.
Never really saw a Brooke that wasn't good looking Natasha's were good looking
Debbie's Debbie's were fun.
Debbie's were fun girl.
It's weird.
Like you give, you give a fucking person a name.
You know what I mean?
It was like bill, you know, just blending in bill lost in the crowd.
Oh, mainstream bill with his corporate clothes, just walking down the street.
I did have the red Afro for a while when I got into fucking radio, I fucking
grew it out a little bit.
And, uh, I think I had the beard.
Oh, that's when I got into drums and I was trying to be in a band and that's
right.
I was trying to grow my hair out and it just went out, which would have been
cool in the sixties or seventies.
I would have looked like Bernie from room 222, but by the eighties, it wasn't
cool.
You had to have the long fucking hand.
It just never worked for me.
The comedy gods, they just pulled me in.
It's like, listen, bill, you look like a douche no matter what you do.
Okay.
You're not a good looking guy.
You look like a fucking freak.
Okay.
The only hope for you is to stand on stage and make fun of yourself and make a
little bit of money.
Why don't you, why don't you cash in on your orange Afro?
You know, I think that that's what was going on.
And eventually I, that's what I did.
That is exactly what I did.
And then when I was making enough money in the business, uh, the comedy gods
said, okay, you don't need your orange Afro anymore.
And they took it from me.
Um, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
Ooh, hot labels.
Oh man, that one stuck with, isn't that amazing?
The things that stick with you.
That was almost 30 fucking years ago.
And I still remember it like it was yesterday.
Ooh, hot labels.
You know, if I had a time machine, like I wouldn't go back and try and stop
Hitler.
I'd go back to that moment in my life.
So I could turn around and be like, cut.
And that'd be, that would be it.
That would be it.
I'd get right back in and I would leave.