Name: Bill Burr - Patriots' Day
Uploaded: 2017-04-17T11:58:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Patriots' Day' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-04-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Patriots' Day' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-04-17. Transcript available.

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast
for monday
april 17th 2017 what's going on how are you happy patriots day everybody um i
believe that only
what's my voice right now i believe that uh massachusetts is kind of the only
place that
takes patriots day off kind of sort of you know they have the boston marathon
right they usually
play a red socks game during the day for everybody doesn't want to fucking run
around or watch a bunch
of skinny people running down the damn street shitting themselves on hard break
hill every year
somebody shits themselves in that race you know that anytime there's a marathon
there's people that
push themselves so hard that they literally shit themselves as they're fucking
running up the hill
you know those runners they wear those little fucking nylon shorts and stuff so
there's nowhere
for it to go and these maniacs they just they just keep running with shit going
down the back of their
legs like one of those fucking horses they carry you know drags the newlyweds
around the park
you know but even them you know they put the tail up they fucking shoot it out
oh he's going in early with the shit jokes everybody is this what it's gonna be
is it literally gonna be a shit show um yeah so whatever happy patriots day to
everybody i don't
even know what patriots day is you know i don't think it's about the football
team because it's not
football season it's just when we raise the banner patriots day let's look it
up shall we people
patriots day uh hashtag what the fuck is it why does it automatically go to
fucking wikipedia even
though i would have gone here all right then there's a patriot day a film
starring mark mark walberg that's
not what i was looking for fucking cocksuckers i just don't understand all
right patriots day everybody
um patriots day where is it patriots day in massachusetts and wisconsin and
patriots day in
maine is an official state holiday commemorating the anniversary of the battles
of lexington and
concord well what the fuck does maine and wisconsin have to do with that the
first battles of the american
revolution or or does does is maine and wisconsin the only other two fucking
states that respect our
holiday the holiday was originally celebrated on april 19th the actual
anniversary of the battles
fought in 1775 since 1969 it's been observed on the third monday in april in
massachusetts and in
may don't let's get a three-day weekend out of it you know fuck the 19th just
make sure it's on a monday
it's also the first day of a vacation week for public schools in both states in
both states and a school
holiday for many local colleges and universities both public and private the
day is a public school
observance day in wisconsin florida law also encourages people to celebrate it
like those
fucking people needed an encouragement to celebrate anything else you're
fucking celebrating like every
day's patriot's day fucking meth day um though it is not treated as a public
holiday
observances and reenactments of battles occur occur i remember going to one of
those when i was a kid
i thought those people were cool as shit shooting the guns and pretending to
die and all that stuff i
thought it was awesome then i got older and i was like yeah i mean if that's
what he's into
all right the boston marathon is run on patriots day every fucking year
therefore sometimes the holiday
is referred to as marathon monday the boston red sox have been scheduled have
been scheduled to play at
home in fenway park on patriots day every year since 1959 the games are
postponed due to weather
in 59 61 65 67 and 84 do i need all of this all right we got it okay we got it
so that's what it is
is commemorating the first battles of the american revolutions in uh lexington
and in concord
i thought gettysburg was the first one that wasn't the first one oh that was a
civil war oh my god shaking
my head shut up you fucking wikipedia reading cunt nobody gives a fuck about
your war knowledge did
you fight in it well then shut up