Name: Bill Burr - Princess Kate Finds Parenting Hard | If Bill Was A Prince
Uploaded: 2017-04-26T12:43:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Princess Kate Finds Parenting Hard | If Bill Was A Prince' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-04-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Princess Kate Finds Parenting Hard | If Bill Was A Prince' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-04-26. Transcript available.

All right, Princess Kate finds parenting hard.
Well, I imagine when they try to play hide-and-go-seek in that castle, it's
going to take forever.
Hey, Bill, get a load of this crap.
Kate Middleton, a fucking princess, did a speech in which she says she finds it
hard being a mom.
Now, I'm sure she has a busy schedule, but for Christ's sake, she has servants.
I know, she doesn't even have nannies.
She has servants.
She may have one of the easiest jobs in the entire world.
She wasn't born to royalty.
She married into it.
So all she needs to do is not be a cunt for the next 50 to 75 years, stay
married, and she's all set.
Attached is a link to her full speech.
You can listen to it if you care to listen to it.
I'm not listening to that shit.
She's trying to promote mental health awareness, which is nice.
But did she really need to try to tell us that she finds parenting difficult?
Huge fan from Newfoundland, Canada.
Thanks, and don't forget to go fuck yourself.
Yeah, I mean, you know, this is the thing.
When a kid comes into your life, there's an adjustment period.
So she was sitting there getting fanned by feathers and all of that shit, right?
Having somebody bring her a little Dagwood sandwich.
And she's sitting on, you know, the Louis XV fucking, I don't know, Ottoman.
Is that a word?
Is that a piece of furniture?
It is, isn't it?
Or is that an empire?
Yeah, and then all of a sudden the kid's there, and she has to pretend to give
a fuck about it.
You know, I think it just makes her photo shoots more difficult.
What does she name her kids?
They probably gave him some old white guy's name like Winston Ebenezer, the
fucking 19th or some shit.
I have to be honest with you, like, that has to be the most boring fucking life
you could ever fucking live.
Being a fucking princess.
At least when you're a prince, you know, you get, that fucking guy goes around,
he flies helicopters, he was in the goddamn army.
You know what I mean?
Goes out, he does shit, right?
Hangs out with the boys, he's smoking cigars.
What do you do as a princess?
Once you're fucking married, you know, you rode down on the white horse, you
had your fucking, your wedding, right?
Everybody shows up, you know?
All the women in the crowd giving you the evil eye because they wanted to be a
princess.
All the haters.
You know, there's nothing good about that ride-in.
You know, because it's either going to be haters or people just sobbing because
that dream's never going to happen for them.
So that's all you see is people staring, staring fucking daggers at you next to
fatties and fucking weirdos like, ah, ah, ah, ah, she's so beautiful.
I would think it would be hard to be a princess.
The mind-numbingly boring fucking life that you're going to live, you know?
To the, to the fuck, this is when you know you're bored, is when you, you
promote a cause.
You know, you're so fucking bored, you have to go out and help somebody.
You're so fucking all set.
There's nothing, what the, there's nothing to do.
You know?
There's nothing, you, you got everything you fucking want.
It's, it's, yeah, the end.
Game over.
Now what do you do?
Now you got to fucking, you got to go down to some third world country and
start installing plumbing or some shit.
I mean, you got to, you have to do something.
Either that or you just fucking, you just become like one of those Dudley Moore
characters.
You just get shit-faced every day.
That's what I would do.
Take up like archery and shit.
I'd just be in the backyard just fucking shooting stuff.
Walking around with some fucking ridiculous cognac.
I would be such a piece of shit.
You know?
I really would be.
I, I, if you know, can you get written out of the will?
Can you get un-fucking-princed?
Ex-princed or something like that?
Excommunicated from that?
I, that's exactly, I would do, oh my God.
I would have all the fucking sports packages.
I'd go to all the fucking games.
All right?
I wouldn't give a shit either.
I would be, I would be fucking ridiculously blowing the money and like, that
would be my goal in life.
Like, how overt can I be with the English tax people's money?
What am I trying to say?
The English taxpayer's money.
There we go.
You ever seen somebody like dyslexic when they're just talking?
You think I'm trying to read this shit.
I always flip words around.
And by all means, all of you who aren't doctors, please diagnose me and tell me
what sort of fish oil I need to take to cure it.
That's what I would do.
I would just like, my goal would be by the time I'm 42, I want them to, I could
easily do that.
I could easily do that.
I could get ex-fucking, you know, you're no longer a duke.
You know?
You know what would be great?
You know what would be great?
The people would actually love you.
I wouldn't say we're done hating you.
The second you walked into a pub, you have no more security anymore.
You just come walking in.
And they're like, yeah, you really fucked that one up, didn't you, you cut?
You'd be like, yeah, I did.
I had a great time, though.
What the fuck was I supposed to do?
I was living in a castle.
You'd fucking, you know, that would be it.
The next, you know, you're sitting in the bleachers, right?
In the fucking pit at the footy games.
Just being a regular guy, getting fucking hammered, eating fish and chips.
And just laughing.
Just laughing at how bad you fucked up your life.
And all those fucking sad sex.
They'd love you.