Name: Bill Burr - War
Uploaded: 2017-04-26T13:26:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - War' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-04-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - War' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-04-26. Transcript available.

um i actually watched this documentary speaking of just despicable horrible
things to do to human
beings you know i don't know anything about turkish people but i'll tell you
right now i if
they were probably scared of armenians you know what i mean they're tough
people
that's probably what it was they got all nervous or some i don't know what it
was
there's a lot of armenians in my neighborhood and i swear to god like every
other one of them you look
at you're like is that is that a ufc champion they're jacked their heads are
shaved every one
of them just looks like they could kick the shit out of you i don't know maybe
turkey got nervous
i have no idea what happened i don't know how you could do that um i don't know
the older i get the
older i get the more uh sickening human behavior becomes not saying i'm some
saint but i i still
for the life of me do not understand how war is legal i just don't i don't get
it
you know let's let's let's let's wade into international waters here without
really paying
attention to anything i i don't you know i don't even watch the bbc you know
that's what a lot of
stuck up cunts over here do i just want to get another perspective um so syria
gases some of its
own people and then we shoot missiles at them so my thing is where did the
missiles go and who died
how accurate are those missiles was it just some guy selling popcorn on this
corner
of uh syria and uh kazakhistan you know he's up there step right up step right
up extra extra read
then we're like ah sorry about that sorry about that we were trying to get the
guy
that did the thing that we didn't like that we frowned upon we would like to uh
apologize to uh
anybody at the food court i have no idea are our missiles that good i don't
know
i i have no idea i just don't get how that works um
yeah war is just really i just don't i don't understand it we're gonna murder
more of your
people before uh you murder all our people and then when we win we're gonna say
that you guys are evil
right the only way is is if somebody just starts with you they started
you know then you got to finish it i guess that's how it works you know what i
mean
didn't sean connery make a speech about this and the untouchables or something
like that
i i don't know but i don't i don't get why we're all up in arms about that hairless
fat
over there in korea you know what i mean i just don't i don't understand why
this guy can't
shoot off his fireworks at his own country i mean we do that all the time who
gives a what is
that gerbil gonna do
that's what he's built like he's built like a gerbil he just has like a he's
adorable
if he would just stop with the i'm gonna blow up in the united states the he's
you gotta admit the
guy he's kind of adorable you know
i don't know i have no idea but anyway so i was watching this thing on europe
uh right after world
war ii and then i it was so fascinating to me what the was going on that i
actually you know i went on
i actually got on my the internet i didn't have my laptop because i stabbed it
with my phone but my
phone was still working so i was checking out you know a couple of websites and
this one website put
exactly how my mindset was how i believed world war ii right after was like all
right i mean i knew in
germany that obviously they had to rebuild you know obviously japan
oh that was a rough one right i knew that they you know were rebuilding but
everybody else i kind
of thought hey you know everybody was all in a good mood and and skipping down
the street because
it was over as his website put it you know there was sailors kissing nurses in
times square that was it
and evidently it was not uh in a lot of ways like people were acting exactly
the way
against the people they were fighting it was brutal there was all kinds of rapes
murders people settling scores um all germans that were all around europe that
you know were not in
germany they were getting killed and sent back to germany a couple of little
mini genocides which you
know between people in eastern europe it was just like jesus christ and i have
to tell you something
these two Nazis too every time i think like i've heard the worst thing they
ever did it's like you
literally you can't even watch it i just found out something else they did i'm
gonna tell you it was so
fucking disturbing i'm not even gonna repeat it i can't stop fucking thinking
about it and then they
were showing the goddamn nuremberg trials and those fucking nazi cunts are
sitting there with this
arrogant look on their face like well this is fucking bullshit you know and
then i'm thinking how could
you think that how could you not be like wow that got a little yeah i guess we
got a little sideways with
that uh plan huh they're fucking sitting there you know with these look on
their face like yeah like
like this is fucking bullshit and i'm thinking like how how could they possibly
think that because
they're probably and i'm thinking they think well if we fucking won you guys
would be sitting here
all right what about when you firebomb dresden how about that shit and then we
could just be like well
you know we wouldn't have done that if you wouldn't do what you were doing if
you weren't doing what
you were doing right mr blonde they had just done what i told them to do no one
would have been dead
that's what we were doing if you didn't do what the you were doing we wouldn't
have done what we did
and then they would say well we what we did we learned from you with what you
did to the native americans
and then we would say well you know what that wasn't us we weren't alive when
that happened and
then they'd be like well you know what you're still alive and a lot of them are
still alive and you're not
doing anything about it and we're like all right fair enough you know what we'll
uh set some emotion
to eventually give them uh casinos and the nazis would be like uh you know fair
enough fair enough
and that's it you should stay out all this footage of them hanging these guys
just a nonchalant way they did it they had this footage of this guy i don't
know what the it was
it was like it was just a board it was like a do-it-yourself
fucking hang the guy right in court they fucking tie the guy's hands behind his
back
they lay him down on this board it just goes like to a 45 degree angle
they hoist the guy up they put a fucking rope around his neck and he's sitting
there
fucking holding him up right and then a guy with gloves just covers the guy's
eyes and then they
let go of him and as the guy slides down he breaks his neck and the guy with
the hands just he just
moves his hand with the guy's head so you never see his fucking eyes you know
because they don't
want to upset people in court
it was fucking insane
fucking insane and uh
jesus christ i i gotta be honest with you i really wish i didn't watch it
because there was this woman
testifying and that that that you know if you want to see it i can't remember
the program i'm sure you
can find it on the fucking internet you know just google what the was bill
talking about world war ii
i'm sure somebody will find it and um you got to see them like you know all
right this is just
not funny anymore all right let's plow ahead let's talk about something else
okay