Name: Bill Burr - Fear Of Driving
Uploaded: 2017-05-09T02:06:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Fear Of Driving' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-05-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Fear Of Driving' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-05-09. Transcript available.

All right, fear of driving.
Hello, Billy Boy.
I hope the day is treating you and your family well.
Well, thank you.
Well, just like the title says,
I am completely terrified to drive a car.
By the way, that guy just went totally different.
Rather than calling me an asshole,
he actually said something nice.
I'm completely terrified of driving a car.
I'm 21 and can't drive worth a shit,
and I've been lucky enough to have a family
that takes me to my college for classes,
which is thankfully is close by.
Are they helping you or enabling you?
The problem is I need my license.
It's the last thing I need to truly be independent.
The problem is that when I get behind the wheel
to practice driving, I tense up.
Every horrible outcome pours into my stupid brain.
What if I make a mistake and get someone killed
or accidentally hit a car full of kids and kill them?
I would not be able to live with myself,
so my brain just goes into hyper mode
and I just start getting jittery and really sweaty.
I don't want to lose.
I don't want to be this loser anymore, Bill.
Any advice?
Yes.
Drive on Sundays.
All right?
Drive to an empty parking lot.
It's hard to find them nowadays
because nobody really, you know,
gives a shit about those old Puritan laws
back in the day.
You know, with liquor stores and you couldn't,
everybody, like Sunday was a day of rest.
So I learned how to drive.
My dad used to take me down to the South Shore Plaza
in Braintree, Massachusetts on Sundays.
And I learned how to drive on like a 78 Chevy Chevette four-speed standard
transmission.
I actually took my driver's test on a stick shift.
And he used to, you know, he used to do that with all of us.
He'd take us down there.
You know, he got to a certain age.
He'd just take you down there.
He'd teach you how to drive.
And that was the way to do it.
So what I would do if I was you is I would go down there,
have your parents drive you down there,
and just drive around an empty parking lot
or drive down like a quiet neighborhood.
And you just gradually build more and more confidence.
And the only way you get over something is you got to face it.
So this is what I would do, right?
I would just go down there.
You know, first time, you just drive around there in the car the whole time.
All right?
The next time you do it, you drive around.
And when you've got 10 minutes left in the driving thing,
you just tell your day, Dad, why don't you just step out for a second?
Just the same thing I did last week when I got back into flying the helicopter.
You know, I took two lessons.
One, I wrote, you know, I was with the instructor.
The next time, once again, I was with the instructor.
And then at the end of the lesson, I asked him to step out,
and I flew it around by myself.
Gives you confidence.
Yeah, my palms were sweating.
I was nervous.
But, you know, I mean, it's really a metaphor in life, dude.
I mean, you kind of got to face this type of shit.
So, if I was you, considering you have such a fear, no pun intended, I would
totally steer into this.
You could take a defensive driving course.
And then, I bet there's actually, I don't know where you live, but sometimes,
you know, they have, like, these, I know out here,
they have, like, they have a course out here where they'll teach you how to do
all, like, that shit from the movies.
Like, spin the car around.
I mean, why don't you go from being totally terrified to just becoming a
fucking expert?
You know?
Learn how to do burnouts and all of that shit.
Then you become an absolute terror on the fucking road.
Learn how to drift.
You know?
Just master the shit as much as you can.
And then driving down the street will be a joke.
And as far as, like, killing a bunch of kids and everything like that, the
level of technology nowadays with, like, the airbags and all that,
you don't sound like you're going to be driving super fast.
So, the worst thing you're going to do is just crumple up some fenders.
That's all.
But you can do it.
You just get out there.
So, just baby steps.
Baby steps.
That's all you got to do.
I'm flying again this week.
I'm flying on Tuesday.
And then I got some other family coming in.
I'm going to take some people up this weekend.
Going up with an instructor.
I've yet to have the balls to bring a passenger up, even though I know I could
do it.
I can't take a family member up.
I was joking with a buddy of mine, Jay Lawhead.
I think I'm going to take him up first.
I was like, dude, I have to deal with the pressure of just the love I have for
a friend.
Forget about an actual family member or my wife or something like that.
So, anyways, all right.
So, that's what I would do.
So, dude, as I get over my fear of, you know, bringing up a passenger, you know,
you update me, I'll update you.
All right.
So, good luck.
You can do it, man.