Name: Bill Burr - Bill Goes To Game 2 Of The NBA Finals 2017
Uploaded: 2017-06-06T14:13:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Bill Goes To Game 2 Of The NBA Finals 2017' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Bill Goes To Game 2 Of The NBA Finals 2017' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-06. Transcript available.

I usually don't have any sort of a car service. I usually just walk out, okay?
So the reason why I have a car service was because I had tickets to go to Game
2 of the NBA Finals.
My Make-A-Wish weekend continues.
So, my car guy goes, yeah, I'm fucking, dude, I'm fucking down the street in
the car garage.
And I go, all right, so we're right here. I told him where we're at. Come to
the stage door.
The dude comes to the stage door on foot.
And then walk this back to the fucking car.
The show ended at 3.45. The final started at 5 o'clock.
So I'm like, what the fuck, man?
So we walked all the way over to this parking garage.
Got in the elevator, went downstairs.
I'm in the parking garage with the crowd.
It's the most anti-show business thing ever.
It's the most anti-Elvis left the fucking building.
It was fucking pedestrian.
It was shameful.
I should have had my, uh, you're in show business card revoked.
So we get in the car and we're sitting in the traffic with the fucking crowd to
get out of the parking garage.
Nothing VIP about it.
Complete fucking moron I am.
So we ended up, uh, me and Josh were riding in the car over and we're just
laughing and going, dude, we're going to the fucking NBA finals.
Finals.
Whatever the fuck you say.
And, um, and we had a couple of cigars and we said to the guy who turned out to
be the greatest driver ever.
We were like, dude, is it okay if, uh, I don't get the guy in trouble.
He may or may not allegedly have let us smoke the cigar in the back of the car.
And, um, we ended up getting to the finals and, uh, we missed about half of the
first quarter.
And it's just one of those things.
Like, I can't believe I'm here.
And, um, I love that fucking arena.
It's going to be a shame when they leave it.
I'm going to tell warrior fans right now, enjoy that arena.
Cause your next arena is not going to be that loud.
The new ones are never that loud because they build in all of those luxury
boxes and everything is just so fucking big and far away from the court.
Um, but anyway, so we go to the game and, um, we're watching the game and it's
fucking, you know, it's great through about the first two and a half quarters.
And then the warriors just start pulling away.
And I got to tell you as a fan of sport and competition that Kevin Durant, the
allowing Kevin Durant to go to the warriors was that's out of all those things.
LeBron going to Miami, uh, fucking Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen going to the
Celtics shack and Phil Jackson going to the Lakers.
There's this one might be the worst one because at least like, like Shaq and,
and, and Phil Jackson, that was a bad time, but still, you still had like the
Spurs.
They had Tim Duncan, they had David Robinson.
You know, you still had something to compete with.
And, um, you know, the Celtics, when we won, we still had to beat the fucking Lakers.
And God knows they always had 9 million fucking free agents and even the
fucking heat that first year they lost to the Mavericks.
But this one, it was just like, I'm trying to think of an analogy to compute.
It'd be like if Matt, Magic Johnson joined the, uh, the Celtics or Larry Bird
joined the Lakers after the 1985 championship.
When we lost to him in the finals, he just joined the fucking Lakers.
Um, I got to, yeah, it just felt, it felt fucking dirty when I was watching it
going like, this just doesn't feel good.
It just, I don't know.
I was at an NBA final game and I was actually bored, which is funny because I,
I thought when I was at home, I didn't know what the warrior fans were chanting
when they were saying warriors, warriors.
I thought they were chanting boring, boring.
I literally thought that that's what they were saying because there was so much,
look at last year's Western conference finals.
That was fucking unbelievable that seven game series with the thunder and the
warriors.
And then you look at last year's NBA final was fucking amazing when seven games
and was one in the last second by the Cavaliers.
It was incredible basketball, incredible level of competition.
It was amazing.
And then I don't know.
I don't understand how the Chris Paul trade was bad for basketball, but Kevin
Durant going to the warriors and then just watching them puffing their chests
out and punching their fucking chest and, and the crowd going crazy as if they
don't realize what they're watching.
Like acting as though like, yeah, man, this year's our year last year.
I'm sure you beat us, but you know what we dug down deep, but no, you didn't,
you didn't, you picked up the best guy that almost fucking beat you last year
and added it to your team.
It was like, I don't know.
Every time they get to within three to five points, which I have to tell you is
pretty fucking amazing.
When you're playing a team, they haven't even lost a game yet.
They've lost one game since February.
Um, and they were already playing like that before they had Kevin Durant.
So I'm not trying to rain on people's parade here or anything, but, uh, I
really don't have anything to say about the game.
Other than I will, for me, I watch sports to watch competition.
I don't watch it to watch a layup.
Um, I mean, the fact that they have all of those guys and then, then they can
rotate them out.
And when their LeBron is sitting down, they got another two LeBron still out
there.
It's just fucking, I don't know.
There was a lot.
I don't know.
There was a lot of like, I just couldn't believe I didn't hear one warrior fan
address it.
You know, at some point just kind of be like, yeah, this is kind of, uh, I mean,
any Celtic fans out there?
You didn't feel like, dude, what the fuck that year in 2000, we were like in
last place.
And then Kevin McHale's in the front office of the Timberwolves and trades away
Kevin Garnett for nothing.
A former Celtic does that to the Timberwolves.
Like that should have been investigated the same way the, uh, Pau Gasol trade
when what's his face?
Jerry West was in the front office of the Grizzlies.
Yeah.
We'll give you Pau Gasol for his fucking brother.
Who's now good, but he wasn't back then.
It's a horrible fucking trade.
Um, those were bad enough, but I, I think this is the worst one ever.
Like this is, um, I'm still holding out.
I have to root for the Cavaliers.
I'm still rooting for the fact that they can somehow, uh, you know, obviously
they got to win the next one.
Most obvious fucking statement ever.
But, um, yeah, I gotta tell you from about halfway through the third quarter,
when they started pulling away and then the Cavaliers kept fighting back and
they, and they just had, it was, it was ridiculous.
It was like, I don't know.
I just walked out of there going like, that felt like a fucking regular season
game.
I didn't feel like, I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I had a fucking, somebody explain to me what the, that's competition.
Like as a warrior fan, you're going to look at that and just be like, yeah, man,
that feels good.
And you have to be honest with yourself, warrior fans.
Weren't you guys bitching at LeBron when he went to Miami and he won two down
there, right?
Weren't you saying that's fucking bullshit.
It's a pile on team.
Now, now, if you were, you got to say that about your own fucking team.
And I didn't hear that once.
I just saw everybody fucking walking around thumping their chest.
Like this was the greatest fucking thing ever.
You know what else is funny too?
I really think it's hilarious is, um, when the little kids come out and they do
their dance routines, that aggressive hip hop dancing.
It's the funniest shit ever to me.
Like what dancing has become.
It's like, you're literally sitting there.
Like when a little kid dance, when I was a kid, it was cute.
It was adorable.
Now you're just sitting there like this.
Does this kid want to fight me?
I think a six year old is squaring off with me.
This whole fucking new generation where everybody's just walking around like
they're these gods.
I don't know what the fuck that is about.
These fucking Instagram douchebags who are trying to be inspirational people.
They're showing off their fucking abs like, like they're trying to help you by
showing off their beauty and their own success and standing in front of private
jets, holding up a water cash.
I just, I, for the fucking life of me, I can't understand why that behavior isn't
ridiculed and why it's actually like aspired to.
Go out and get yours.
So fucking get what?
A bunch of fucking shoes.
I don't know.
Oh God.
I'm just a crabby old man.
I have to tell you.
If the Cleveland Cavaliers had somehow signed a giant free agent at the level
of Kevin Durant, then I think this would be probably the greatest NBA finals
ever.
Cause it would be like two hall of fame fucking teams going at it with each
other.
And then even if I, you know, I always hated that fucking, you know, I, I hate
the super teams as you can obviously tell, but at least if you have two of them
going at it, then it becomes interesting.
Like back in the day when the, uh, roided up free agent, Red Sox went up
against the roided up free agent Yankees.
I know it was bad for baseball, but at least there was, I don't know, there was
another roided up free agency fucking team out there.
This is just like, um, I don't know.
I just don't understand how you play a team that has the talent that LeBron has.
And it's like fucking child's play because you got this other, this fucking juggernaut
you just signed in, uh, I don't know.
It was weird.
It was a weird feeling leaving there.
So I think I've, I fucking, um, I don't know.
I think that was a little too long.
I probably talked about it too long, but like, I was so excited to go to the
fucking game.
And then you just, it would have been nice if one warrior fan went like, yeah,
you know, it's kind of bullshit, but, uh, you know, LeBron did it in Miami.
So does that kind of make it okay?
I mean, uh, Hey, you know, that guy touched a kid.
So why can't we touch a kid?
Right.
Doesn't, isn't that how it, isn't that how it works?
Yeah.
I was joking with Josh.
I go, dude, that felt dirty.
And then I also have to tell you, I absolutely fucking cannot stand the West
coast, the West coast fucking, um, sports fan.
I just cannot stand them.
I did not hear one intelligent thing yelled during the game.
I mean, they're, they're, they're commentary is different reads of, Oh, shit.
And that's it.
Nobody fucking seems to know what's going on.
There was one guy behind me going, Oh, I never seen the calves come out with
this lineup.
Oh, they're going big.
There was a couple of people, but everybody else was just fucking mouth breathers,
just waiting for the ball to go through the net to be like, Oh, shit.
They don't want none of this.
Um, sorry.
Didn't mean to fucking blow out your ears there.
All right.
Um, all right.
I'm done fucking whining about that shit, but it is bullshit.
It is.
I actually heard this one.
This is a fucking West coast sports fan.
I went into the bathroom and somebody yelled out two championships going on
three.
And somebody goes two and a half, we got two and a half.
Now, I don't know if he was saying like, they should have got it called a
championship last year, or they're already racking this one up because they
already fucking we're going to win game two.
I don't know.
I don't fucking, I have no, I have no idea.
I hope that that's what that guy was saying.
Um, do you think I shit on the whole fucking thing long enough?
I really didn't think it was going to go that long.
And you know what?
I was just thinking, I bet if I turned on ESPN, when you turn on ESPN,
you know, if, and when the warriors win the championship, it, I bet those
fucking guys,
they're not going to address it on any level.
They're going to be like, where do you mean they went 16 and oh, where do you
put this in the pantheon of greatest teams of all time?
I mean, even the 96 balls lost two games.
They're going to do that.
And they will never address how fucking ridiculous it is.
And how bad for basketball it was that Durant left the thunder.
Just to fucking go pile on.
Fucking pile on.
Because, you know, in order to win, you got to fucking have all the best guys
on one team.
So they win by 30 every night.
Dude, you realize the fucking Cavaliers scored 63 or 64 points in the first
half and they were still down by five.
I mean, what do you got to do?
You score 64, 65 points.
You're usually up by 10 or 15.
You know, this is what the West Coast sports fans just going to say.
Hater.
That's all they got.
I don't know if it's because they get up three hours later than people on the
East Coast.
But they just bake their brains in the sun.
But I don't know.
They're fucking, oh, I'll tell you the ref out here, you know.
And that's it.
Let's go Cavs.
Come on, man.
If you beat the fucking Warriors with all their accoutrements that they added,
all of that fucking juggernaut of a goddamn team walking around, thumping
themselves in the chest as if what they're doing.
I've said this for fucking ever, and I'll say it the last time.
When you were a little kid on the playground and you were choosing up teams,
even little kids knew when it was getting to when it was not, no, no, no.
This is not going to be there's no competition here.
Even as kids, you knew this.
The Warriors are doing right now.
They're doing something that even children know are wrong.
Even children would break that up.
You know, I really think it is.
I think Stern left the NBA.
Maybe that's what it is.
Maybe he would have stepped in.
Who knows?
I always thought that that guy was shady.
I do know this.
Without a doubt, Cleveland's going to win a fucking game because the NBA does
not make money as nearly as much money on a four game series versus five, six,
seven.
So at some point, I'm looking for them to fucking just start calling everything
on the Warriors.
But then again, I am a fucking conspiracy theory fucking freak.
I don't know.
I still feel like the Cavs have not played their best game yet.
All right.
I'm going to say they're going to win game three.
Fuck it.
I'm putting it out there.
All right.

Bill Burr - Bill Goes To Game 2 Of The NBA Finals 2017

I usually don't have any sort of a car service. I usually just walk out, okay?
So the reason why I have a car service was because I had tickets to go to Game
2 of the NBA Finals.
My Make-A-Wish weekend continues.
So, my car guy goes, yeah, I'm fucking, dude, I'm fucking down the street in
the car garage.
And I go, all right, so we're right here. I told him where we're at. Come to
the stage door.
The dude comes to the stage door on foot.
And then walk this back to the fucking car.
The show ended at 3.45. The final started at 5 o'clock.
So I'm like, what the fuck, man?
So we walked all the way over to this parking garage.
Got in the elevator, went downstairs.
I'm in the parking garage with the crowd.
It's the most anti-show business thing ever.
It's the most anti-Elvis left the fucking building.
It was fucking pedestrian.
It was shameful.
I should have had my, uh, you're in show business card revoked.
So we get in the car and we're sitting in the traffic with the fucking crowd to
get out of the parking garage.
Nothing VIP about it.
Complete fucking moron I am.
So we ended up, uh, me and Josh were riding in the car over and we're just
laughing and going, dude, we're going to the fucking NBA finals.
Finals.
Whatever the fuck you say.
And, um, and we had a couple of cigars and we said to the guy who turned out to
be the greatest driver ever.
We were like, dude, is it okay if, uh, I don't get the guy in trouble.
He may or may not allegedly have let us smoke the cigar in the back of the car.
And, um, we ended up getting to the finals and, uh, we missed about half of the
first quarter.
And it's just one of those things.
Like, I can't believe I'm here.
And, um, I love that fucking arena.
It's going to be a shame when they leave it.
I'm going to tell warrior fans right now, enjoy that arena.
Cause your next arena is not going to be that loud.
The new ones are never that loud because they build in all of those luxury
boxes and everything is just so fucking big and far away from the court.
Um, but anyway, so we go to the game and, um, we're watching the game and it's
fucking, you know, it's great through about the first two and a half quarters.
And then the warriors just start pulling away.
And I got to tell you as a fan of sport and competition that Kevin Durant, the
allowing Kevin Durant to go to the warriors was that's out of all those things.
LeBron going to Miami, uh, fucking Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen going to the
Celtics shack and Phil Jackson going to the Lakers.
There's this one might be the worst one because at least like, like Shaq and,
and, and Phil Jackson, that was a bad time, but still, you still had like the
Spurs.
They had Tim Duncan, they had David Robinson.
You know, you still had something to compete with.
And, um, you know, the Celtics, when we won, we still had to beat the fucking Lakers.
And God knows they always had 9 million fucking free agents and even the
fucking heat that first year they lost to the Mavericks.
But this one, it was just like, I'm trying to think of an analogy to compute.
It'd be like if Matt, Magic Johnson joined the, uh, the Celtics or Larry Bird
joined the Lakers after the 1985 championship.
When we lost to him in the finals, he just joined the fucking Lakers.
Um, I got to, yeah, it just felt, it felt fucking dirty when I was watching it
going like, this just doesn't feel good.
It just, I don't know.
I was at an NBA final game and I was actually bored, which is funny because I,
I thought when I was at home, I didn't know what the warrior fans were chanting
when they were saying warriors, warriors.
I thought they were chanting boring, boring.
I literally thought that that's what they were saying because there was so much,
look at last year's Western conference finals.
That was fucking unbelievable that seven game series with the thunder and the
warriors.
And then you look at last year's NBA final was fucking amazing when seven games
and was one in the last second by the Cavaliers.
It was incredible basketball, incredible level of competition.
It was amazing.
And then I don't know.
I don't understand how the Chris Paul trade was bad for basketball, but Kevin
Durant going to the warriors and then just watching them puffing their chests
out and punching their fucking chest and, and the crowd going crazy as if they
don't realize what they're watching.
Like acting as though like, yeah, man, this year's our year last year.
I'm sure you beat us, but you know what we dug down deep, but no, you didn't,
you didn't, you picked up the best guy that almost fucking beat you last year
and added it to your team.
It was like, I don't know.
Every time they get to within three to five points, which I have to tell you is
pretty fucking amazing.
When you're playing a team, they haven't even lost a game yet.
They've lost one game since February.
Um, and they were already playing like that before they had Kevin Durant.
So I'm not trying to rain on people's parade here or anything, but, uh, I
really don't have anything to say about the game.
Other than I will, for me, I watch sports to watch competition.
I don't watch it to watch a layup.
Um, I mean, the fact that they have all of those guys and then, then they can
rotate them out.
And when their LeBron is sitting down, they got another two LeBron still out
there.
It's just fucking, I don't know.
There was a lot.
I don't know.
There was a lot of like, I just couldn't believe I didn't hear one warrior fan
address it.
You know, at some point just kind of be like, yeah, this is kind of, uh, I mean,
any Celtic fans out there?
You didn't feel like, dude, what the fuck that year in 2000, we were like in
last place.
And then Kevin McHale's in the front office of the Timberwolves and trades away
Kevin Garnett for nothing.
A former Celtic does that to the Timberwolves.
Like that should have been investigated the same way the, uh, Pau Gasol trade
when what's his face?
Jerry West was in the front office of the Grizzlies.
Yeah.
We'll give you Pau Gasol for his fucking brother.
Who's now good, but he wasn't back then.
It's a horrible fucking trade.
Um, those were bad enough, but I, I think this is the worst one ever.
Like this is, um, I'm still holding out.
I have to root for the Cavaliers.
I'm still rooting for the fact that they can somehow, uh, you know, obviously
they got to win the next one.
Most obvious fucking statement ever.
But, um, yeah, I gotta tell you from about halfway through the third quarter,
when they started pulling away and then the Cavaliers kept fighting back and
they, and they just had, it was, it was ridiculous.
It was like, I don't know.
I just walked out of there going like, that felt like a fucking regular season
game.
I didn't feel like, I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I had a fucking, somebody explain to me what the, that's competition.
Like as a warrior fan, you're going to look at that and just be like, yeah, man,
that feels good.
And you have to be honest with yourself, warrior fans.
Weren't you guys bitching at LeBron when he went to Miami and he won two down
there, right?
Weren't you saying that's fucking bullshit.
It's a pile on team.
Now, now, if you were, you got to say that about your own fucking team.
And I didn't hear that once.
I just saw everybody fucking walking around thumping their chest.
Like this was the greatest fucking thing ever.
You know what else is funny too?
I really think it's hilarious is, um, when the little kids come out and they do
their dance routines, that aggressive hip hop dancing.
It's the funniest shit ever to me.
Like what dancing has become.
It's like, you're literally sitting there.
Like when a little kid dance, when I was a kid, it was cute.
It was adorable.
Now you're just sitting there like this.
Does this kid want to fight me?
I think a six year old is squaring off with me.
This whole fucking new generation where everybody's just walking around like
they're these gods.
I don't know what the fuck that is about.
These fucking Instagram douchebags who are trying to be inspirational people.
They're showing off their fucking abs like, like they're trying to help you by
showing off their beauty and their own success and standing in front of private
jets, holding up a water cash.
I just, I, for the fucking life of me, I can't understand why that behavior isn't
ridiculed and why it's actually like aspired to.
Go out and get yours.
So fucking get what?
A bunch of fucking shoes.
I don't know.
Oh God.
I'm just a crabby old man.
I have to tell you.
If the Cleveland Cavaliers had somehow signed a giant free agent at the level
of Kevin Durant, then I think this would be probably the greatest NBA finals
ever.
Cause it would be like two hall of fame fucking teams going at it with each
other.
And then even if I, you know, I always hated that fucking, you know, I, I hate
the super teams as you can obviously tell, but at least if you have two of them
going at it, then it becomes interesting.
Like back in the day when the, uh, roided up free agent, Red Sox went up
against the roided up free agent Yankees.
I know it was bad for baseball, but at least there was, I don't know, there was
another roided up free agency fucking team out there.
This is just like, um, I don't know.
I just don't understand how you play a team that has the talent that LeBron has.
And it's like fucking child's play because you got this other, this fucking juggernaut
you just signed in, uh, I don't know.
It was weird.
It was a weird feeling leaving there.
So I think I've, I fucking, um, I don't know.
I think that was a little too long.
I probably talked about it too long, but like, I was so excited to go to the
fucking game.
And then you just, it would have been nice if one warrior fan went like, yeah,
you know, it's kind of bullshit, but, uh, you know, LeBron did it in Miami.
So does that kind of make it okay?
I mean, uh, Hey, you know, that guy touched a kid.
So why can't we touch a kid?
Right.
Doesn't, isn't that how it, isn't that how it works?
Yeah.
I was joking with Josh.
I go, dude, that felt dirty.
And then I also have to tell you, I absolutely fucking cannot stand the West
coast, the West coast fucking, um, sports fan.
I just cannot stand them.
I did not hear one intelligent thing yelled during the game.
I mean, they're, they're, they're commentary is different reads of, Oh, shit.
And that's it.
Nobody fucking seems to know what's going on.
There was one guy behind me going, Oh, I never seen the calves come out with
this lineup.
Oh, they're going big.
There was a couple of people, but everybody else was just fucking mouth breathers,
just waiting for the ball to go through the net to be like, Oh, shit.
They don't want none of this.
Um, sorry.
Didn't mean to fucking blow out your ears there.
All right.
Um, all right.
I'm done fucking whining about that shit, but it is bullshit.
It is.
I actually heard this one.
This is a fucking West coast sports fan.
I went into the bathroom and somebody yelled out two championships going on
three.
And somebody goes two and a half, we got two and a half.
Now, I don't know if he was saying like, they should have got it called a
championship last year, or they're already racking this one up because they
already fucking we're going to win game two.
I don't know.
I don't fucking, I have no, I have no idea.
I hope that that's what that guy was saying.
Um, do you think I shit on the whole fucking thing long enough?
I really didn't think it was going to go that long.
And you know what?
I was just thinking, I bet if I turned on ESPN, when you turn on ESPN,
you know, if, and when the warriors win the championship, it, I bet those
fucking guys,
they're not going to address it on any level.
They're going to be like, where do you mean they went 16 and oh, where do you
put this in the pantheon of greatest teams of all time?
I mean, even the 96 balls lost two games.
They're going to do that.
And they will never address how fucking ridiculous it is.
And how bad for