Name: Bill Burr - Aaron Judge | The Lakers
Uploaded: 2017-07-25T15:50:51.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Aaron Judge | The Lakers' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-07-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Aaron Judge | The Lakers' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-07-25. Transcript available.

Anyways, so I'm totally back into my New York vibe.
You know what I really missed when I lived in the, since living on the West
Coast, is
I really missed the Yes Network.
When I lived here 10 years ago, can't fucking believe that, I've been out in LA
for 10 fucking
years, I used to always, you know, I would watch the Yes Network and root
against the
Yankees.
That was like my shit.
I never watched the Mets.
I could never get into the fucking Mets, but that's what I would do.
I would watch almost every single Yankee game, as many of them as I could, or I'd
watch the
replays when I got home, and I would just sit there, and I would just root
against them.
But I mean, you had to watch them.
They were like this $200 million juggernaut, and I used to always go to Yankee
Stadium.
I'd go by myself, because I lived on the East Side.
You could just jump on the fucking, what is that, the 456, take it right up to
the Bronx,
old Yankee Stadium, which was actually renovated old Yankee Stadium, and I
would sit in the
fucking upper deck for like 12 bucks, and I'd keep score like an old man.
And I used to watch Clemens, and was it Mike Musina, that whole era.
But I remember like in 1998, you know, the 1998 Yankees, I got to go to a
couple games
that year, knowing full well that I was watching what looked like was going to
be one of the
great teams of all time.
And, you know, 20 years later, I still believe that, and, but I used to fucking
root against
them, especially Clemens.
I used to root against that guy hard.
And, but, so if I lived here, once again, I would be going to games, because
now they've
got Aaron Judge, and I, Jesus, needy.
You're looking good.
Um, yeah.
Anyways, I used to always go up there, and I, I would just root against them,
but now
they've got Aaron Judge, and you, even as a Red Sox fan, you've got to give it
up to the
fucking Yankees.
They're the greatest franchise of all time, as far as spotting talent.
Do you realize, for basically the last 80 out of 100 years, that'd be a century
near.
A hundred years is a, is a century.
Do you understand that?
Huh?
Okay.
Why are you clamming up?
Where are you going right now?
I'm going to go to steal my baby.
Okay.
Um, for the last 80 out of the last 100 years, they have scouted and picked the
guy.
There's no other fucking franchise out there that can say it.
They fuck, okay.
They bought Babe Ruth, all right?
The Red Sox fucking owner was so goddamn pussy whipped, he had to keep his
fucking wife quiet,
and she wanted to fucking, I don't even know what the play was, you know?
But he needed to finance her fucking Broadway play to just shut her the fuck up,
and he
sells Babe Ruth.
No excuse for that.
It's not like we didn't know who the fuck he was.
The guy was winning Cy Young Awards and hitting a fucking zillion home runs,
and we still get
rid of him because this fucking lady had to get a little tap dance fucking Fosse
shit
going, right?
So they don't get credit for that one.
That was a dumb move by the fucking Red Sox, and everybody knew that Babe was
the shit.
However, this is what they've done for the last 80 fucking years, all right?
From their farm system, they went Lou Gehrig to Joe DiMaggio to Mickey Mantle,
right?
Then they had a little dip, George Steinbrenner comes in, you know, the Oakland
A's don't
want to pay anybody, he buys the fucking Oakland A's, they went two
championships, fuck all
of that.
Then he buys Dave Winfield, fuck all of that.
It's a bad 20, 25 years in there, okay?
Then fucking Derek Jeter, I forgot, oh wait, I forgot, what's his face?
Don Mattingly.
You know, the reason why people don't look at him like he's one of the greats
is because
he never won a fucking World Series, but Don Mattingly, to Derek Jeter, to
Aaron Judge.
You can argue with me on Don Mattingly, he wasn't quite one of the greats of
the greats,
but like, there's fucking Aaron Judge's, it's like Paul Bunyan's coming up to
the plate.
Six foot seven, just, did you see that home run he had against Seattle the
other night?
He almost fucking hit it out of the stadium, you're not supposed to be able to
do that.
He hit it so hard, so fucking far, they couldn't measure it.
I think they said like 440 feet, which, you know, I've heard of shit going
farther, but
it's like, that's just because the top of the stadium stopped it.
Jesus, those Seattle pitchers get lit up, don't they?
Did you ever see that one McGuire hit off of Randy Johnson?
He almost put a hole in the roof of the fucking Kingdome.
Yeah, that was a brutal combination of like a, like a hundred mile an hour
pitch meeting fucking Androstein.
Whatever the fuck he was on.
If you're old enough to remember what it was like to watch a roided up
professional athlete hitting baseballs and watching that fucking laser show
that those guys put on.
I don't think you can argue that steroids definitely should be in the game.
They're going to be like, all they got to do is just work on the side effects
and just get it down.
Just like weed, you know, where you got the, you got the, uh, the vaporizer.
Just if they can like vaporize like steroids, can you imagine that you pull a
muscle or whatever the fuck you feel like an old man.
You just, just breathe in that mist.
You fucking muscles repair like a goddamn X-Man.
And every day feels like the first day of spring.
Oh my God.
Am I swinging Tony Bennett?
Every, if I ruled the world, every day would be like the first day of spring.
Um, so they've done it at like, I, I, with Aaron judge, I just have, that's,
that's the greatest fucking franchise of all time.
As far as their ability to see the guy, know the guy is the guy and somehow
sign him before anybody else.
I don't know how the fuck they do it.
Like, how does everybody else miss out on Aaron judge?
I could see missing out on Derek Jeter.
You know, I could definitely see that he was a kid, you know, another six,
three, six, four fucking guy.
I mean, there's a zillion of those, but a six foot seven guy coming up there
like the fucking jolly green giant.
Like, how do you miss that guy?
Somehow everybody does.
Um, I know there's probably some people out there arguing for the Lakers.
Now I got to give respect to the Lakers as far as in my lifetime from 1968
until now, the Los Angeles Lakers have won more championships than anybody else
in my lifetime.
Believe it or not.
It is the Lakers.
They won, uh, let's see.
They won like one in the seventies, five in the eighties.
That's, uh, that's six.
And then they won, they won five with Kobe and a thousand fucking free agents.
Um, so that's 11.
And, uh, the only person that comes close to that in my lifetime would be the
Canadians where they won at 68, 69, 71, 73, 76, 77, 78, 79, 86, 93.
They won 10, um, anyways, but I don't count like the Lakers, like the real
story of the Los Angeles Lakers is fucking free agents.
You know, like when they always, they always try to get someone to join and be
become part of the history of the great Lakers centers.
And every one of them is a fucking free agent, except for the first giant white
dude that George, whatever the fuck his name was, I almost said mirror son.
What the fuck was that guy's name?
I don't know.
He looked like a giant science teacher.
He actually played with Minneapolis.
Mikan.
What the fuck was his name?
I can't remember.
Anyways, then you got Kareem.
He was a Milwaukee buck, right?
Shaq.
Like they're all just fucking, you know, wilt.
They're all just from someplace else.
So I have a bad feeling that fucking LeBron James is going to go out there and
that the Lakers are eventually, you know, despite whatever Danny Ainge does.
I just think it's inevitable that the Lakers will pass the Celtics as far as
number of championships, because for the simple fact, we cannot offer what the
Lakers can offer.
I've said this before, like this is our pitch.
Hey, you know, do you want to come to racist Boston with shitty fucking weather
and bang sixes?
Or do you want to go to racist fucking Los Angeles, fuck movie stars and feel
like you're in Hawaii with the weather?
You know what I mean?
We can't fucking compete with that.
We can't compete with that.
So that's that's fucking it now, you know, and then like our colors, you know,
our fucking mascots, a goddamn leprechaun.
I mean, we just can't get any whiter.
The Lakers have like, you know, you know, the colors of somebody that has no
money, but they want they want to fucking look like they're doing something.
That's what the Lakers colors up with the gold and the purple, you know, the Lakers
just scream new money.
Like, you ever remember, we used to watch those MTV cribs and you'd watch some
fucking idiot, you know, with a giant fucking need to have like a fish tank in
his fireplace, you know, yet the fire still works, son.
You know, like those you look at that shit, you're like, this guy's going to go
fucking broke in this guy's going to go broke.
Look, he's got like 20 people hanging out in his fucking house.
This guy's going to go broke.
That's when I look at the Lakers uniform.
That's what I see, especially those old road ones, those purple ones.
I don't know.
I always thought their uniforms were a little silly.
I like the home ones, but the road ones always looked really silly to me.
But anyways, we and I was just like, you know, green and white.
We got a fucking, oh, a top of the morning to your fucking mascot.
I mean, I can't imagine what Danny Ainge has to say to people to try to get him
to come to Boston.
No, no, no, no.
The N word that was shouted at a Red Sox game this year, not at a Celtics game.
It's fucking brutal.
Having said that, though, I feel like the cops in L.A. beat the shit out of
black people way more.
I don't know.
It's a push as far as like the racism.
It's a real it's a push.
You know, people always sit there and they try to act like all the racism is in
the south and in Boston.
But you go out to L.A., it's fucking ridiculous.
They got all black people quarantined, you know, in this little area that's
coincidentally enough final approach for fucking L.A.
X. They got goddamn jets flying over their fucking heads every day.
Fucking 500 feet off the fucking ground, four runways all day long.
People just landing on final fucking approach.
you know that wouldn't make you be in a certain mood I know it would with me