Name: Bill Burr - Taking A Bath | Climate Change
Uploaded: 2017-08-07T10:09:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Taking A Bath | Climate Change' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-08-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Taking A Bath | Climate Change' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-08-07. Transcript available.

but i'm doing this this sunday night because as always i have a million things
to do uh during
this time of year as we're writing um season three three three of episode
family family family um
we're going to be recording episode three and writing episode four this week
big going we're almost at the clubhouse turn here no it's actually the coming
down the back stretch
you know i think we'll have five written and recorded by the end of this this
month and i know
what you guys are thinking so what does that mean it comes out in december oh
no no there's like 40
different other things you have to do to it over the course of the next i don't
know how many months
before it finally comes out i have no idea we were joking one time i think by
the time we do the sixth
season i'll be in my late 60s uh but i have to tell you i really like it i
really like doing it and um
i really enjoy being in the writer's room you know some days it sucks when like
this just isn't working and my brain isn't working and i'm fried some of those
days suck but generally
but then you know everybody else is saying funny so that makes you get going
you know but i actually
really uh enjoy writing dialogue who would have thought you know in a way i can
you know some
guy who says nuclear can actually write a fucking episode of television you
know just think about
that okay think about think about that and then stop complaining about who's
president right now
okay if you can say nuclear and then you can i mean like george bush used to
say nuclear
the amount of people that laughed at him and i want to be like hey are you
bilingual can you also speak
spanish huh did you go to yale the guy went to yale all right i don't give a
shit if his dad got him in or what he's a legacy he still went there he still
got that education
still got to be a member of the the skull and bones i think that's why he had
that laugh
because he knew he didn't belong there anyway guys he just got pushed down that
road you know
what do you think he really wanted to do
i think like what you do after your pres after your president really lets
people know how much
you love the job you know what i mean and like he just discipline bill clinton
he's still you know
bill clinton was all about the horse you know so he's still he's still out
there giving speeches oh
how you doing nice tits right he's still out there you know jimmy card is
building homes
you know and then you got uh george bush he's just he's hanging out like a
trust fund kid
he's just sitting around painting do you ever see that documentary rich kids
like one of the saddest things i've ever seen in my life was
like these people they were born into such wealth like one of them was they
they were
part of the johnson and johnson family which i think a lot of people don't know
what that is
but like when i was growing up everything was made by johnson and johnson i'm
sure they got bought out
whatever but when um i guess when they bought that out johnson and johnson they
built it in that their
kids would always just be taken care of and would have a i don't know position
the company they were just
getting money it's this beast that johnson and johnson built just it the
inertia of that thing just tearing through
the capitalist economy right was just so big that they just they just like if
they get the skim
remember casino the skim the kids still get the skim and the skim alone
they get a little duffel bag of cash that they don't ever have to work in their
life
right and i you would think that that would be dude that would be the greatest
thing ever
that would be the greatest thing ever and um it kind of turned out that it wasn't
i think it would be the greatest thing ever if you actually uh live the other
way first
but even then i think i think it would get boring after a while do you think
you could do it
i think if you just had enough money where you never had to work again my
thought would be well the next big thing in my life is i'm gonna die
that's the the next eventful thing i have no deadlines i have no worries
oh man my i would get like psycho obsessed with shit
you know
like i do already but i then like my real life takes off i don't want to play
drums
i don't play one fucking four hours yeah i don't want to play all the fucking
time and then like
my real life today you got to go into the writer's room and then it eases it
off like if i just
fucking was sitting there like when i was talking to you guys about that
building
in manhattan the one that looks like a giant cigarette um something park avenue
and i was
like what in the is that thing that thing's bigger than the freedom tower
and i went back and i looked at those pictures that they have from the the penthouse
in that
building and that bathtub you know that bathtub everybody has now it's it's
shaped like uh like
the fucking chicago bears stadium you know that one that freestanding one it's
not on legs
like it's it's big the ladies love it evidently right and it's right up on the
window and you can
just look out all the way south of manhattan past the statue of liberty to see
the you know
whenever the germans come to attack us again you know this person in the tub is
going to see it first right the japanese i should say i just figured that side
of the country you know
the germans would be coming right with their nuclear weapons
actually why would you bring it over here you just shoot it off wouldn't you
um anyway so i was just looking at it i was just trying to imagine sitting in
that tub taking a bath
that that would be one of the saddest experiences you could you could possibly
have
it looks so lonely first one i saw i was like holy that's unbelievable that
looks like
i feel like i'm in a helicopter but you're like in a in a building
but then just being that high up you can't even hear the city anymore just how
quiet it would be
you know you're literally you're getting to that love that thing that
astronauts see
you know like the astronauts they would go out and they would orbit the earth
and they would just look down at it and they were above all the all the
politics all the religion
all the war all the disease all the suffering and they looked down and they
were able to see
how beautiful it was the paradise that we actually live in we just sit here
with all this petty and
like these guys would come back and they couldn't talk to anybody about it
couldn't give anybody
else that perspective unless they talked to a fellow astronaut so then they
would just be
you know pulling up to a stoplight they would see something they would just
randomly start crying
i think that would happen if i took a bath that high above manhattan
and you're just looking out august man why can't why kids
why don't we ever do the right you'd be philosophically just saying why don't
we do
the right thing why are we always like you can't that's that's that's the scary
thing that's why all
pilots are a little weird there's something weird about going up there and just
looking down at all of
it you know like a higher being
then you also get to see what the we're doing to the planet it's a really it's
a weird thing
um and then you combine that with the fact that you're taking a bath one of the
most relaxing thing
ever just looking down at this terror i don't know i also kind of wonder like
with global warming like
what's going to happen you know i'm sorry climate change i didn't mean to shock
you by saying global
warming i hope i didn't ruin your day with those two words let me say climate
change so you can
relax a little bit still don't understand why they say that climate change it's
like when halliburton
changed its name right what they changed it to peaches and cream i can't
remember anyways um
i was just thinking that like the more like severe the weather's gonna get
like what will that mean you know like we can expect some crazy storms we've
never seen before
i wonder if they took that into consideration when they built that goddamn
thing
that all of a sudden you know
we're gonna start getting like like steroid era mark mcguire era you know
hurricanes
you know and this is gonna be a category 19 and you're up there taking a bath
watching this rolling in you're gonna go right out that window in that tub
all the way down to the pavement but what a way to go that porcelain thing it'd
be like the cartoons
we try to get the bath water back into the tub it would be a hell of a death i
honestly think if there
is a god you know he would take extra time he would take extra time with you
just being like like
just watching the game film of your death going
i mean just being like you know i've seen people die since the beginning man i
this this
this is this is one this is definitely i've never seen this one before i never
seen somebody
in a bathtub at 1350 feet
i don't know i don't know why i'm obsessed with that building it's just i don't
know there was just
something about it and then the fact that they can't sell the one underneath it
it's the funniest
ever because who the is going to pay 85 million dollars and still have somebody
living above them
going yeah you knock it off up there i mean what am i paying for you