Name: Bill Burr - Living In A Retirement Community At 33 Years Old
Uploaded: 2017-08-29T14:07:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Living In A Retirement Community At 33 Years Old' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-08-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Living In A Retirement Community At 33 Years Old' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-08-29. Transcript available.

um living in a retirement community at 33 years of age what's up freckled ball
bag
um a friend recently turned me on to your podcast it's hilarious well thank you
thank you for preventing me from killing myself on my one-hour commute to work
well that's great
i like to do what i can although i am into population maybe i should take a
control population control maybe i should take a couple weeks off uh my wife 28
and i 33 finally
had enough money to buy her first home dude you guys are crushing it so he
purchased a nice little
townhouse in connecticut we didn't know at the time but we were moving into a
community that is
potentially the evil offspring of a retirement village and the house of wax oh
yeah well that's
what happens when you buy your first house you're so excited you don't drive
around you don't know
the questions to ask now you know are the people old as shit around here just
out of curiosity
is this a drug filled neighborhood is there any chemical fucking shit in the
water
what are the schools like you know all those questions you have to ask all
right we are nice
courteous people and so we think or so we think he's uh so don't take the anger
in this email out of
context um well you have a little perspective that we used to if you said we're
nice courtesy people
courteous people but but the fact that you actually have the intelligence to
say or so we think
understanding that there is another perspective in life other than your own
uh we've helped some of our old ass neighbors carry shit you know because they
can't
with the osteoporosis and everything we wave and chat with them when walking
our dog and we even
hold the charity beer pong tournament in new york city every year to raise
money for ms uh unrelated to
our community but shows we care question mark i guess question mark anywho
enough about us
uh this past weekend we had my brother and sister in law in town and invited
another couple over on
saturday say um sorry if i blew your eardrums out i tried to pull it away
enough uh i don't think i took
it away in time sorry uh we went to hang out at school at our at our pool sorry
we took a float
snacks a couple of beers and a speaker there were five to seven other people at
the pool all in their
hundreds it did not look like the pool scene from caddyshack uh we hung out chatted
sipped a beer and
listened on low to jack johnson or some other mellow soft shit monday morning
at 10 a.m the entire
community got this email residents it was reported to the board and the
management that over this past
weekend there were some owners and guests who behaved inappropriately loud and
shouting conversations
foul language and may have partaken in alcoholic beverages prior to or while
visiting the pool
none of these things are acceptable and are also violation of the pool rules of
the old
fucks court obviously you added that if if said individuals were seen behaving
in such a manner
going forward the police may be called and said individuals will not be
permitted to use the
facilities and may also be subject to a hearing in front of the board whereby
fines may be imposed
the pool facility is for the peaceful enjoyment of all residents and we hope to
keep it that way thank you
the old ass board of directors jesus christ dude what the you didn't realize
you fucking
bought a house in a retirement community
says first off let me say i've had i had nothing against the elderly i love my
grandparents and so you
don't have to stop establishing credibility you bought a fucking house there's
a button in in
the it's like the movie cocoon but if you jump in the pool you're still fucking
old i get it
um anyways i called it once a week i enjoy a quiet night on the couch with some
scotch or an old
fashion and shit i still use hotmail yes we're a part of hoa and in rules above
above about alcohol
drinks the at the pool you can only have two guests per household oh shit we
violated the covenant
but this email from the board is still absurd right no it's not absurd you just
didn't do your homework
you didn't do your homework that's what happened you didn't do your homework
did i just fucking rip
the spread here with that pen in the back pocket laying on my mother's fucking
quilt here um
what the fuck am i here i gotta go back to this here by the way everybody
thinks every sound on my
podcast is a fart now because i hold this thing to my chest any fucking sound
that's made dude you
fucking ripped ass last week um i mean maybe i did i don't think i mean i don't
feel that i am
maybe i am i don't know um but it's i mean i'm in my house you know i have to
fart i let it go you
can't fucking smell it deal with it um no dude this is all on you this is just
he said but loud
conversations what drinking alcoholic beverages prior to visiting the pool area
are you kidding me
the police may be called get an effing life dude dude this is their life this
is the end of their
life and they want quiet okay half of them probably fought in fucking wars the
last thing i need is you
with your newfangled fucking elvis music that is jack johnson to them
look at this is the deal you guys fucked up
okay
you guys fucked up all right and this is part of buying your first house
okay i bought my first house back in 2011
um
and you know what i was like wow it's a great old house it has a lot of
character you know you know
what my fucking old people at the pool was galvanized pipes in the walls cloth
wiring a gas leak
flashing when i turned on the lights to possibly ignite the gas underneath my
fucking house
uh wood rot termites
non-permitted fucking building shit just you fucking name it
put a new roof on it the guy fucked up he didn't reattach the thing the water
came through they blamed
me i just said fuck it i paid for it myself this is part of it dude i'm really
sorry that you're going
through this i'm sure there's somebody else old that will buy your fucking
house
other than that i would just you are in a communal area
i would be quiet when you go down to the pool
i mean i try to look at the bright side at least nobody's going to be listening
to loud fucking
benny goodman music all the way into the night because old people you know they
fall asleep like nine times a day
so and even if you don't like your neighbor they're going to die soon there's a
lot of positive ways to look at this
you can also you can always sell so i would make the best of it you can always
uber i would uber i would go
out and go get fucking hammered and be loud in the young part of town and then
come back just make sure
you get some sort of electric car to cruise you up real quietly to your fucking
front door
i'm sorry you're going through that but what you learned is you have to fucking
check out
your neighborhood before you uh you know you got to read everything you know so
that's the deal all
All right, I hope it works out for you.