Name: Bill Burr - Hurricane Harvey Scammers | Golf
Uploaded: 2017-09-01T13:40:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Hurricane Harvey Scammers | Golf' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Hurricane Harvey Scammers | Golf' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-01. Transcript available.

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon
just before friday
monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you just checking in to see
how your day's
going give you a quick some fucking half hour of laughs you know keep me in
your thoughts and in
your prayers you're in our thoughts and you're in our prayers speaking of that
houston texas
all right i got a warning for everybody all right there's gonna be a whole
bunch of people making
money off that fucking devastation down there all right be careful where you
send your money in
because people are gonna make videos they're gonna have your bottom lip quivering
you're gonna feel
bad for them and the family fucking dog just make sure it's getting to those
people new york times
put out a list of shit that's legit all right
fucking sat there and somebody sent me something of this woman saying she was a
single mom with two
kids right and i didn't know what to do it's like do i send does this get to
you
is there a bald hairy back guy on the other end of this so i'm sticking with
the red cross
you know as i was looking at all those i just kept hearing that song how do i
know that you're really
drowning right how do i fucking know how do i know this is not a scam because
people are such pieces of
shit okay they will actually like i want to fuck like i swear to god they could
literally they could
when they find those fucking people they find those people they should they
should take all the money
back give it to the victims and when the next next hurricane comes you drop
those fuckers right in the
middle of it right in the middle of it and then when they cry for help nobody
sends them fucking help
that's what they should do the kinds of pieces of shit that would fucking take
advantage of people
during a situation like that so
um
yeah i would donate to the red cross i'm not going to tell you whether i'm
donating or how much i'm donating
because i'm sick of fucking people talking about that
you know i donated this and that man can you can you can you not make it about
yourself
fucking celebrities gee what what would they be doing if they weren't making
everything about
themselves somebody else's absolute fucking devastation becomes an opportunity
for them to show how
fucking amazing they are ah fucking horrific anyways i shot nine holes of golf
when i was back east
it was back east vision of the family back east and um you know i love going
out and playing golf i
let you go out there there's a foursome everybody's talking shit i'm smoking a
cigar i'm having a good
time i don't keep score i don't give a fuck i think i got a 27 combined in the
first two holes
i was just you know you know i go i do it like john daly like i don't fucking i
don't sit there
and line the goddamn ball up i'm gonna waste everybody's fucking time i just
walk up and hit it i take one
practice swing that's it then i hit the fucking thing all right i just fucking
wind up and you know
i hit it straight it just doesn't go far so uh those guys started giving me
tips i started listening to
them and i just kept picturing how they swing on tv keep that front arm
straight you know keep your leg
down you know that type of shit and i ended up doing all right you know i
started breaking eight on holes
i hate when they go you can't score more than an eight on a hole it's like oh
yeah watch me
watch me i'll still be 200 yards from the hole taking fucking shot number nine
all right that
that is that is a fucking myth my friend it has to do with like handicaps or
something it's just yet
another way you know so there's no cheating or whatever it's the the biggest
fucking cheating game
i'm trying to think other than like you know business um so anyways i got down
to the last hole i got
i got like a a seven on the eighth hole i was psyched that i broke eight and
then on the last hole it was
it was all right it was all right and once again i just and then the guy who i
was playing with the
oldest guy in our group was like looking like he was pushing 60 and he shot
party he parred for nine
holes once again proving it's not a it's not a sport it's a game it's a fucking
game there's no way it's
60 you know what i mean that's like the basketball equivalent of still being
able to dunk when you're
60 you know and i don't mean because you're seven feet tall i mean you're like
fucking six three
you used to throw it down a little bit back in the day and then you come back
for the old timers game
and you're still fucking dunking you're still dropping 30 and then you're doing
it on people
like 20 years younger than you get the fuck out of here um but i gotta admit i
really did enjoy it
somebody finally explained that why you tee the ball up high i would tee it up
high and then try to hit
it flush with the club i didn't know you kind of swung underneath it that was a
game changer and uh
that was i don't know my shit as i stink hitting off the ground on the fairway
i'm not good at that
shit but i i feel like i could take a couple of lessons and uh i could go out
there and not embarrass
myself um i only lost i only lost what i think two balls in nine holes that's
pretty good for
someone who never fucking plays my pat myself am i making this about myself am
i pulling some
fucking move here do you know how much money i donated to that golf course when
i saw all those
white men out there i knew i had to do something um that's why i created the
fun for this cause named
after me with my face on it because i care all right so yeah so i you know
something i actually
enjoy golf i don't have the fucking time for it but i do enjoy it all right
what the hell did i want to
talk about was there anything to talk about beyond what everybody else is
talking about i try to stay
outside of all of that you know what i mean everybody's like you know talking
about it raining
down in houston right the hurricane and all of that shit am i gonna be yet
another i guess i already did
but i did it in a way i actually told you to watch out for these fucking scams
how do i know right you
always got to ask that because i gave a bunch of money to that wounded warriors
thing and then i got
all this information that it was a fucking scam i don't know if it is or not
but there was enough
fucking articles saying that it was and it made me nervous that allegedly that's
what they were doing
over there that fucking turned me off to charities that they could possibly be
somebody out there and
then you know watching that pink lady in the nfl so make sure your fucking
money you know gets to the
people speaking of which ron white is doing a gig out in austin texas um he's
going out with some
other comedians and all the proceeds are going to be going to uh you know help
out the people there in
houston um so there's a good one you can go to all right i wasn't able to make
the gig and i said well
who should i make the checkout to he said red cross all right so then i looked
it up is the red cross
i know i saw him on mash are they reputable and they checked out they are reputable
so there you go
all right and with that i am completely out of shit to talk about