Name: Bill Burr - My Roommate Is A Weirdo
Uploaded: 2017-09-05T03:49:59.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - My Roommate Is A Weirdo' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - My Roommate Is A Weirdo' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-05. Transcript available.

my roommate is a fucking weirdo dear cunty mccun fuck uh first of all a big fan
of the
fucking podcast the last fucking netflix special was phenomenal so thanks okay
i think this is one
of these people that thinks because i swear that now they have to swear you don't
have to bring
yourself down to my level sir anyways i just fucking moved into college as a
freshman my
roommate is a hot motherfucker i mean i'm gay so right away i was into him but
i kept to myself
since i had no way of knowing he was gay too i thought you guys had gaydar you
couldn't sense it
um so last week on friday after a fucking drunken night out we returned to our
room oh jesus here we
go and the fucking guy offhandedly tells me he's gay once the conversation
started getting more
personal then i told him i'm also gay and this guy says fag i don't think this
is real
after which we proceeded to fuck which was fucking amazing by the way i find
the term
i find the fag term endearing so fuck all the political correctness hysteria by
gays and non-gays
alike
all right i'm just gonna read this okay anyways this is when the shit started
to hit the fan no pun
intended sorry dude you lobbed it over the fucking net um once i came he
expressed disappointment at the
volume of my cum does anyone believe this is true the fucker literally said
that's it what are
you sick or something i felt fucking inadequate since his load was considerably
bigger than mine
oh jesus christ so then the next morning he says he wants to fuck again i go
along with it
like he's so hot i'm not gonna refuse halfway through this says you know for a
tall
guy you sure of a small dick and he writes like what the fuck yeah well dude
you came back for
more abuse here so i'm all for two right inadequate dick size check lack of herculean
cum shot check
uh is insulting the people he fucks part of his style like i can't figure out
why he still wants to
fuck me after two colossal fucking insults so what the fuck do i do next well
stop fucking the guy
uh knows but the next day we're chugging peers in our room
you know other than the gay sex this sounds amazing
sorry i'm looking this is a straight guy
um where the am i uh okay we're chugging beers in the room he suggests
something beyond weird oh god
he's basically tells me he wants me to pee in his mouth you know even if this
is fake this is
tremendously creative you got to give this up okay since it turns him since it
turns him on i'm eight
beers deep and i'm a lightweight so i'm like it dude i swear to god if this is
true and you piss in
this guy's mouth and he's like that's it that's it um this motherfucker has a
stream like a goddamn
fire hose and nearly broke my jaw in the process
what i don't believe that jesus christ so i'm completely weirded out by this
colossal cunt
dude you let him piss in your mouth
his only saving grace is that he happens to be the hardest guy i ever met so
bill what the
fuck do i do do i change room kick this cunt to the curb and sleep and never
sleep with again or do i
stick stick in there so that i can stick it in there thanks and go fuck
yourself you muggy bitch um
i don't know something you feel bad afterwards
if i was with a woman and she was doing this to me and she was really hot yeah
i'd probably keep going
back but i would just get myself mentally prepared you know what you might do
just tell him he has a
weird asshole you gotta get in his head
tell him uh his ass is too hairy he needs to braid the hair on his ass or so i
don't know what the
fuck that i mean i don't you're outside you know this is still basically human
interaction so you're
talking about feelings here so if you want to get childish say something mean
to him
and uh i don't know you know what's weird is josh just showed up now i have to
smoke a cigar after
reading that shit um yeah dude don't don't go back don't go back for more right
or if you're going
to go back for more um sorry i'm texting hang on all right uh yeah you don't
need to put up with that
shit everything's like a pun in this um
the weird thing is that you live with the guy it's never good to fuck your
roommate
you know it's that's that's never going to be a good thing but i don't know how
it works with gay
guys because you're both guys right so i would think you'd be able to just be
like yeah we're
just right then we'll watch a game and drink some beers and i'll piss in your
mouth
evidently i guess that's how it goes down i don't know what the happens here so
i would just uh if he sincerely is making you feel bad then uh i would i would
try to find a better
guy um but consider you live with them you obviously it's like you can just
blow the guy
off so at some point he's going to be like hey man you want to fuck you gotta
be like no i don't
be like why not be okay because you're a dick you say mean to me and i don't
like it all right
so why don't you go in there and go rub one out and piss in your own mouth your
douche or you just move out all right that's the podcast everybody god bless
each and every one of
you go yourselves and i'll check in on you on thursday