Name: Bill Burr - No Boozin' There | AA Meetings
Uploaded: 2017-09-05T04:37:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - No Boozin' There | AA Meetings' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - No Boozin' There | AA Meetings' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-05. Transcript available.

um billy no fun billy no fun is on his 18th day of not boozing 18 days not boozing
i barely even
remember what it tastes like at this point you know i'm dropping weight this is
the time of
night when it sucks um you know in the morning it's great i wake up my stomach's
flatter than
it was the day before i feel good but it's like at night i mean it's sunday
night i don't have to
go to work on monday i have tomorrow off like all of you guys well you're
listening to it today you
know you can't tell me you know i mean as as a human being i i have to go out
and get hammered right
i mean what kind i mean i if i don't i mean if i was running the cia i'd be
like is this guy in isis
is he some sort of religious fanatic um oh billy red cakes oh billy red velvet
i'm staying away from the sugar i'm being an angel i'm being an angel because i
might have some acting
work in um in october so uh i gotta make sure i'm down to my fighting weight my
fighting weight a buck
72 that's what i need to be at whenever i shoot something you know all these
fucking actresses out
here talk about how it's so hard for them as if a guy can go on and be a bloated
fat fuck and not get
shit for it okay that's not how it works they can get to you through social
media they go right at
you and they tell you that you're a bloated fat fuck what happened to you you
got old where'd your
hair go all of that shit you know what i mean but you know you know what it is
about people they
look out their own fucking heads all right they look at the world in a two-dimensional
way they
look out their heads they observe something and then they put it their head and
they process it with
their previous experience and then to them that is the truth that is what's
going on in the world they
look at it from their fucking angle they don't realize it that it's 360 degrees
which is why south
park is the greatest fucking show of all time as far as i'm concerned because
no matter what problem
they attack they hit it from all sides the red side the blue side from the
north to southeast the west
you know what i'm saying you like that that was that was the longest fucking
compliment ever
oh josh adam myers from the goddamn comedy jam josh adam myers bill burr i'm
taping my monday
morning podcast you're one of our first callers how are you good good i'm just
curious if i could get
your opinion on the kyrie irving isaiah thomas trade i wasn't aware that that
happened was that
a big news story in the world of sports it's a little bit yeah it's it's a few
people know about
it uh you know as a as a fucking lover of the celtics as a celtics lover i
hated the fucking trade
because i loved isaiah he was like a mini big poppy he was on his way he was
gonna have a street
named after him but uh that it's it's a business now and this all goes back i
think to the miami
heat all those pylon teams back to the kobe shack lakers when whenever it
stopped being bird bird celtics
magic lakers isaiah fucking uh the pistons jordan with the bulls and everybody
just jumped around now
it's over i thought you were gonna ask about the cigar i am that's what i was
saying i was like do
you want me to give you some time so you can finish this up and then no i don't
give a shit just ring
the doorbell and i'll stop it and i'll finish it later all right cool all right
don't hey don't ring
the doorbell my daughter's sleeping just text me all right all right see you um
anyways the most
roundabout compliment ever for south park i had no idea i was gonna say that so
uh i am as of this
morning i have 179 pounds in six ounces 179.6 so uh i'm trying to lose three a
week so next week on
friday i need to be uh i need to be 177. all right i just had to hit pause i'm
in the fucking doghouse
i just woke up my daughter oh my god my wife is fucking pissed at me yeah boy
yeah boy oh brother
all right this is the monday morning podcast and i'm gonna be fucking
whispering for the rest of this
goddamn thing um what the hell was i talking about yeah so next week i want to
be 177 pounds
by uh friday and then 174 the next week and then i'll be 171 and then if i get
this acting gig
i'll be where i need to be um so i was gonna take a month off from boozing but
if i get this acting gig
then i'm just not gonna booze like right on through to the end of the fucking
shoot and then when that's over
okay uh i'm gonna get like one of those kegerators and i'm gonna fill it up
with fucking whiskey
and i'm gonna be underneath it and it's gonna be glorious um
i don't know i don't know what my fucking problem is i should go to a meeting
and just see what that's
like i went to a meeting a long time ago and i got arrested for drinking and
driving and one of the
requirements was you had to go to a uh an aa meeting two of them or something
like that um
all i remember i was just like these guys are fucking drunks i mean i drink i
don't i don't
fucking drink these guys had like lunacy stories talking about like fucking
bleeding out their ass
and going right to the liquor store the next day you know what i mean like not
eating food for them like
just crazy crazy crazy crazy stories so i just was sitting there going all
right i'm
i'm just a drunk these people got a problem
i'm telling you right now if you ever just want to see you know some of the
most
fucked up people on the planet just go to an aa meeting these people man
you know their fingers are like stuck together from like cigarette smoke you
know what i mean they got
like they just i can i'm just being an i have no idea what a AA meeting's like
i know there's like you get like a little trinket if you do it for a while you
know got six days you
know just uh you know you know addictive people they're they're they can never
stop talking about
themselves right so they just got to go up there oh my god i'm gonna get so
much for this i don't
give a i think it's about time somebody put AA in its place right
once you grow up and white knuckle it like the rest of us you got to go join a
group everybody
sits down and makes an afghan together um you know it's funny that i actually
would love to be part of
a group when i went golfing this past week you know and i went with a buddy of
mine and he was
like a member of a country club i'm like this is cool it's really cool you know
bunch of guys you can talk having a great time all that that that everybody
gives you a rough time for you know they always make fun of guys hanging out
now if they all hang
out together like they did there has to be like mocked for some fucking reason
it's fun you just
sit around breaking each other's balls that's all it was i went there and it
was everybody was
fucking cool and everybody was just busting chops the whole fucking time and
then you go out and golf
and everybody's just giving each other shit and you're laughing and you're
smoking cigars and you're
gambling and shit it's it's fun for whatever reason i don't know if you if you
do that now
i don't know for some reason that that's attacked
you know i don't i don't know what i don't know what it is i don't know what
the
fuck it is you're supposed to be doing but i can tell you i did enjoy it