Name: Bill Burr Done With Drinking Forever?
Uploaded: 2017-09-11T09:03:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Done With Drinking Forever?' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Done With Drinking Forever?' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-11. Transcript available.

um 25 days and no booze 25 days and no booze i'll tell you how well i'm doing
with no booze when i
went out i went through the duty free and i saw that mccallum mccallum rare cask
black which i
never heard of and i'm like i am fucking buying that when i get when i come
back off the plane
and when i got off the plane i you know i think i flew delta out united on the
way back
so it wasn't there but i was gonna buy it you know i'm sitting there talking to
myself like am i done
like i was actually thinking on the plane today like i might be done for good
and then i came home and i ordered these whiskey glasses and i'm like well that's
not a good sign
like if you just say i'm done with heroin and then you go to amazon or you go
to like syringe.net you
know and you just order a bunch of fucking drug paraphernalia i guess as long
as you don't buy
the drugs right i just okay officer i i collect crack pipes okay can i have can
i have my license
back please you're not gonna find any residue in there um so anyway i was
actually thinking on the
plane i'm like am i what if i just next year i turn 50 right and i'm just done
with the booze
and then i just become like this yoga pilates guy i just go sting right gordon
sumner i become that
fucking guy you know i look good for my age if i actually fucking did that
through my 50s i would
look fucking unbelievable at 60 for a 60 year old you know and you figure by
then you know how good tanning
beds are going to be how good the hair plugs are going to be you know and i bet
i'll be microchipped
by then which i can also have like the added viagra uh option to it you know
what i mean
i think i can stay in the game for another 10 years after that i don't know
what do you guys think
have you guys thought about the future you the microchipped you full head of
hair and abs
so i'm actually toying with that idea you know no booze done done i don't know
if i can i don't know
i understand why alcoholics like they take it one day at a time because it's
just sitting there like
i'm never gonna do this not just today i'm just not gonna do it today just not
gonna do it today
you know sometimes you gotta do it though right
you know your wife's talking to you and you're sitting there looking at her
smiling and nod
she's thinking oh i love when he looks at me that way
he still loves me i can see it in his eye and you're actually thinking about
that bottle of
booze that you bought how you gonna go out in the garage like a fucking degenerate
sit in some dirty chair you don't give a shit right
pour that glass you set the bottle down it when it touches the floor you hear
it echoing in your
garage you know that garage that's yours right that garage that you made the
decision you weren't
going to be like these most of these guys who let their wives not only take
over the house but also
the garage right they just fill it up with all their shit you can't even get
the car in there
that garage is yours you put up the dartboard you get the kegerator that's that's
your little
fucking tree fort you know i mean who's kidding who you're a guy you're still a
child
just because you can grow a beard doesn't mean you're mature all right um
anyways
i want to redo my fucking garage again okay i gotta i gotta add something else
in there i gotta
add a fucking you know now that i never have my truck in there you know i put
it in storage so i
kind of flip flop and everything like that with the new car and then the old
car i haven't driven my
truck in like two weeks man i'll miss it um i gotta do that someday i gotta
have the garage with the
fucking room above it you just have to have it that's what it is you know and
then what you have a
fucking prenuptial agreement that if we get divorced i get the garage and the
room above it and you can not
fucking evict me that will be mine and you will get the fucking house but you
know something
fucking they'll just be but i just don't feel safe with him being out there
they'd cry their way into
to getting that too you know i swear to god
Thank you.