Name: Bill Burr - Patriots Loss | NFL Talk
Uploaded: 2017-09-11T09:56:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Patriots Loss | NFL Talk' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Patriots Loss | NFL Talk' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-11. Transcript available.

so i was in uh mississippi flew into fucking mississippi on thursday night and
i missed the
entire new england patriots game and from what i've heard as a patriots fan was
probably better
to just land and find out that they got this shit kicked out of them really
just kind of in the
fourth quarter though i mean it was kind of a shootout with no fucking defense
as far as i could
tell um the chiefs are all excited doing fucking cartwheels because they let up
fucking 27 points i
don't know what they're so fucking excited about but i will tell you as a patriots
fan i'm pretty
fucking happy i'm gonna tell you why i'm gonna tell you why because i don't
like the fucking worst
thing ever is when before you even start the season those fucking hacks on the
sports shows go you know
they talk about your team like can they go right they start doing that shit so
before the fucking
season already starts you already got that fucking monkey on your back every
fucking fat douche who
never got picked in gym class coming in with his fucking loafers and his sweaters
waddling into your
locker room just trying to rip the team apart and just adding just distraction
so right out of the
gate we fucking lose all of that is gone and then immediately they go oh oh oh
wait a minute wait a
minute remember when you're saying tom brady isn't after his last game was the
greatest without a doubt of
all time now we're the exact same people one fucking game later saying he's too
old so i'm loving that
i'm loving all of that what would you know i would actually love if we lost
next week too but then they
would have all this you know what's the time to hit the panic you'd have to
deal with that
so i'm hoping you know they win the next three four they lose another one four
and two then they're
five just nobody's paying attention no they treat us like the indianapolis colts
remember when they
were 13 and 0 and nobody said shit for whatever fucking reason which is really
a reoccurring thing
with the indianapolis colts no matter what they do hearing aids in the fucking
helmets fucking pumping
crowd noise in tanking the final third of a season to get andrew luck stealing
the patriots offense
fucking being on the rules committee changing the rules of passing and on and
on and fucking on right
going 13 and 0 nobody's saying shit ah they're just a bunch of country boys out
there we won't pay
attention to them i love it i love that we uh i mean i hate our fucking defense
but i haven't liked
our defense since we won our first three um i think ever since then we've
always been like uh you know
well we're gonna score you what are you gonna score 35 we're gonna score 38 i
always just i just kind of
feel like we've been like that for too long and occasionally we've brought we've
brought in a
shutdown corner like a revis um oh they talib whatever the fuck his name was
who was here for like a year
or two he was fucking great but then all of a sudden they're like yeah okay now
i want to get paid
they're like yeah nah nah so um anyways yeah so i just i watched a little bit
of the highlights i mean
when you give up an 85 yard touchdown in your corner like fucking lets the guy
go by him because
he thinks he's got help over the top and the guy just isn't there i mean i
really don't think that's
the chiefs kicking our ass as much as that's um just horrible defense you know
what i mean i would
say though that that guy running for like 6 000 yards against us is definitely
a concern but you
know what are we supposed to win it every fucking year you know i'm all right
with it i love it i love
it so there we go so now what now what we go 11 and 5 they'll fix it but i don't
know you know what
we do we always fucking have guys and then they make the pro bowl and then they
ask for more money
then we let them go and then we got to build it back up again so we'll see it
is definitely towards
the end of tom brady's career you know i don't know how it could have gone any
fucking better
you know what are you gonna tell me with the fist you know you know why so many
people flipped out
about that aside from the fact that they hate the patriots it's that's how
people
that's how most people live their lives you know they take one loss and they
just pack it in
oh now we're never gonna do it and i'm including a lot of patriot fans you know
those but you can
never listen to those sports shows because even like the people who call in you
know they always
use words like concerned i'll tell you right now i'm really concerned about our
past defense on dirt
downs are you what are you concerned about as if you're like you're you're a
part of the coaching
staff and if it doesn't work you're gonna get fired you're gonna have to put
your house up for sale
and reload you relocate your kids once again what exactly are you concerned
about um but congratulations
to the chiefs i've actually i've always liked the chiefs um i used to always
watch those super bowl
highlights and that one with hank strap you know 64 toss power trap it was
always like the one of the
great ones just sitting there laughing his fucking balls off and everybody
loved that back then but
now if they had that audio he'd have to issue an apology to the minnesota vikings
and bud grant
and the family and all that bullshit but um so anyways i was flying back from
alabama
and uh so the only football games i was able to catch i watched the uh green
bay seattle game
which i know seattle fans hate because they they definitely seem like they were
getting the short
end of the stick certainly on that phantom punch uh injection which i didn't
see i just saw the
the replay of it of course it happened on a pick six always fun to watch p carol
loop blow a gasket but
that guy is a great coach and that's that's a great defense you know what i
mean the legion of doom
you know legion of boom sorry boom right in your ass with the steroids
fuck all you guys if you're gonna bring up every goddamn time jesus christ we
bend a card in new
england i'm trashing everybody i'm doing research on all your teams and i'm
gonna do what you guys do
every time you give me about i'm fine i'm gonna look in the corners of your
franchise jesus christ like
30 of that team tested pause defense tested positive for steroids and they're
still just talking about
how great they are unbelievable oh that's another colts one the guy who caught
the allegedly deflated ball
which was never proven um it's never proven yet tom still got suspended
everybody's basically
paying the price for the under suspension of ray rice i think when they go into
roger goodell
um how psyched was he that the patriots lost after the uh those barstool guys
had that hilarious
t-shirt of him just like a clown is there anything better than just calling say
he's a clown
all your accomplishments just go right out the window that guy roger goodell
makes 30 million dollars a
year 30 million dollars a year if you can catch him walk into his car and you
guys you're a clown
i'm telling you as much as he has 30 million dollars probably 16 after taxes it
bugs him he's
going to be thinking about it when he's drinking his little donkey's coffee in
the morning
is that guy to call me a clown talking himself you know when he's putting his
suit on he's got the
jacket tying shirt he looks like one of those guys he gets everything on he
puts the pants on last
cluny already has his shoes on with the socks and the sock guards you got him
talking to himself
as he's adjusting the nut in the the knot right there in the in the mirror um
so anyway so i watched
that game and uh the defenses uh looked obviously great in those games and uh
and now i got the i got
the cowboys and giants in the background you know the atlanta falcons won today
and the new england patriots lost the exact opposite thing that happened the
last time
um so there you go i don't know what that means i'm sure atlanta falcon fans if
they could switch
you know the results with the patriots i think they would you know but evidently
the football sky is
falling um you know what i hate about fantasy football that is literally taken
over like um
they used to have like in the sports pages they used to just have they would
have like the leaders
it was something it was really easy to find the leaders you could collect
football cards and
shit i used to know so much more about the game i don't know anybody's name
anymore anytime you go to
any sort of website where they have like fantasy when you want to look at stats
it's all this fantasy
football shit get this guy on your team peyton manning's fucking advertising
that stuff
i don't know should i just give in should i just give i don't want to i don't
want to do that
shit i don't want to have somebody on a team actually i don't really hate any
other team in
the nfl do i hate any team i hate jim ursay that's it that's the only person i
don't like
you know there's certain people that act like idiots in the league that i don't
particularly care
for but that i don't hate the team you know here's another classic the cowboys
are probably going to
beat the giants because this is what the cowboys and giants do the cowboys win
in the beginning part
of the year and then the giants always lose and in the end they come back
around and they do the
same thing down in new york so time to move on from eli he only steps up in
every big moment
in january his entire career i think it's time to get rid of him because he up
in september um
you know i didn't even i'm gonna look this up did that ezekiel elliott guy play
seems to me uh what's weird is they threw out his case in the real world but it's
like
in the nfl you need less burden of proof elliott cowboys is that his name uh
elliott cowboys to play is he playing judge grants temporary restraining order
request for
dallas cowboys running back probably from that psycho what would that person
seeming like a psycho
okay is he is he elliott ruling makes yeah i've been out of the loop all right
so he played that's good
that's good because the clown was going to over suspend him
oh look at this the nfl is back and so are the 15 reasons it's a complete
disaster
hey how about those los angeles rams coming back wearing the lamar lundy blue
and white
the fearsome foursome merlin olsen rosie greer was it lamar lundy i always
forget him and then uh
uh what's his face there uh i can never name all four of them i always end up
forgetting one i always
remember merlin olsen rosie greer oh jesus christ the coolest one of them all
deacon jones and was it lamar
lundy lamar lamar lundy is this even a podcast is this you guys listen to me
yeah there you go
right lamar lundy was he a stealer or was he a ram he was a ram lamar lamar ram's
fierce and foursome
all right i got it all right so anyways let's get let's let's i'm not watching
tv anymore now i'm focused
now i'm focused oh here's eli driving him in what's he got his second and eight
809 to go
in the third quarter eli calling a audible over the middle for a first down
moving the ball
cowboys fans are all gonna be saying you need to bench
quarterback and bring back roger star back