Name: Bill Burr - NFL Ratings | Women In Football
Uploaded: 2017-09-15T13:27:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - NFL Ratings | Women In Football' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - NFL Ratings | Women In Football' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-15. Transcript available.

Do you know how many times I've tried, I've gotten so disgusted with the NFL I
tried to walk away?
Then I just had to admit that I was too weak to do it.
I like how the NFL ratings are down now and they're trying to blame that stupid
Colin Kaepernick thing.
That's what it was. Oh, that's what it was. You know what it was?
Is they just got greedy. I think it's the NFL, plus it goes in cycles too, you
know what I mean?
It's like the NBA where they had Bird, Magic, into fucking Jordan, and then
there was a little bit of a lull there for a minute, right?
And then like, I don't know, I guess the Spurs weren't fucking exciting enough.
I don't know. And then, you know, eventually other guys came along. LeBron came
along.
Yeah, the next one, right? I think football goes through the same thing.
But the problem is that these guys in the NFL, they're trying to go global and
they're trying to please as many people as humanly possible.
So they kind of abandoned their original fit.
You know where the NBA is right now? The NBA is where U2 was when Bono started
wearing those big fly glasses, the big mosquito glasses.
And was saying shit like, this is the most surreal night of my life, man.
He started playing a character, you know?
In eight years, they went from, in the name of love, carrying a fucking white
flag and all, whatever the fuck it is they were doing back then.
I was never the big U2 guy, okay?
As I told you before, I didn't listen to the right music in the 80s.
I was listening to Crocus and Helix.
I was listening to all those fucking bands, you know what I mean?
And then I was watching sports and I was flunking math and French class.
I mean, that's basically what you've been listening to all these years, if you
ever wondered.
I don't need to go to Ancestry.com to figure out my mystery.
I am a fucking dope.
I am a dopes dope.
When I walk into a room, dopes, shut up just to listen to what stupid thing I'm
going to say.
Anyways.
Yeah, they fucking, they did the pink thing.
Let's have the football players wear pink.
I love how, like, for some reason, the fact that a football is a really male
testosterone aggressive thing that, like, for some reason, guys have to
apologize for that.
And they just can't effeminate, is that the word?
Effeminate?
They can't make it, like, feminine enough all of a sudden.
Because all these feminists bitch moaning and complaining has all these
corporations all in a myth, like, oh, we don't want to be considered sexist.
The next thing you know, they're wearing pink for a month.
It's if the NFL gives a flying fuck about anything other than making money.
Cancer, this is what we care about.
Your brain turning into scrambled eggs.
Yeah, we don't, and you're killing yourself by the time you're 50.
We don't give a fuck about that.
Oh, is that what you did?
Here's 40 bucks for everybody who ever played the fucking game.
They don't give a shit.
According to reports, they kept, like, $95 to $97 of every $100 they made off
of that pink shit.
So give me a fucking break.
They show people in the crowd that are in the military.
They charge that branch of the military.
They treat it like a commercial as they tell you to support the troops.
The fuck out of here, right?
So now what?
So now all these women's groups sit there bitch moaning and complaining.
So now they got female referees.
They got women calling the games.
They got the guys wearing pink for an entire fucking month.
They got Lady Gaga singing at the fucking halftime at the Super Bowl.
They took a total fucking left turn.
And when you do that, like you too, is you're going to lose a lot of your
original fan base that are like, hey, man, I liked them back when, boy, I liked
the first album.
I saw them when there was only 8,000 people at the fucking show.
That's basically what they're going through.
And they're going to survive it.
And they're going to transition from, you know, the frozen tundra and all of
that fucking, you know, making it seem like it was fucking D-Day.
All of that great shit that I loved.
They are going to transition out of all of that.
And I think that there's going to be a lot more fuchsias and teals and all that
type of stuff coming into the NFL.
The NFL is they try to, I don't know, I think is they try to get ahead of this
next generation of people that's coming up, that goes out to comedy clubs and
literally just stares at the comedians.
Like, that's what I'm experiencing now.
I was at the comedy store last night.
Granted, something fucked up happened before I went on stage.
I guess I should have realized that.
And, yeah, just staring at me.
Staring at me.
So, I don't know.
I don't know what I have to do.
You know, I'm thinking actually, maybe I'll start wearing pink on stage.
And then people will think that I care.
Anyways, I don't want to call out any fucking specific fucking people.
I don't want to fucking do that because, you know, I sucked as a comedian.
Eventually, I got better at it.
But, I mean, Jesus fucking Christ.
If you're going to go down that road, you still have to pick somebody that's of
a fucking certain level of professionalism, no?
If you're going to have a fucking national game.
I mean, I'm not talking about that poor bastard that froze like a deer in a
headlight.
That fucking kid on the side.
I just felt bad for that, dude.
You know what I mean?
But I'm just saying, you know, if you're going to call a fucking game.
Good fucking Lord.
Good Lord.
This is actually my dream.
My dream is somebody that, like, is like a fucking, went to broadcasting school
and then you pair them up with someone that played the game.
I know they try to do that all the time.
But someone that actually can tell a story that played the fucking game.
That's when it's the best.
Like Collinsworth, John Madden.
Phil.
I love Phil.
A lot of people didn't like Phil Simms.
I love Phil Simms.
The guy fucking, he won a Super Bowl.
He's the first guy to say, I'm going to Disneyland.
I'm not going to listen to this guy.
All these guys who play fantasy football trying to say the guy doesn't know
what he's talking about.
Yeah, what would he know about?
Well, you know, he only played the game professionally, you fucking moron.
I don't know.
Wait a second.
What the fuck is going on here?
All right.
I don't know what the hell I just did.
I had my recorder on the floor.
I don't know when the hell I just chopped it off.
But I had the thing recording on the wrong speed.
I don't know what the fuck happened.
Anyways.
I don't fuck.
I don't know what's going on.
I don't know what's going on in comedy clubs.
I don't know what's going on in the NFL.
I don't know what the fuck they're doing.
And this is just part of becoming old.
Like, why do I got to put their streetlights up so bright?
Like, I'm just an old man.
Don't fucking listen to me.
Anyways.
I don't understand how I had a half hour to do this before nine o'clock.
And it's almost nine o'clock.
And I only have fucking 20 minutes done.
Probably because I stepped on the recorder and I.
I'm the fucking worst.
I'm the worst.
Anyways.
So, congratulations to the NFL.
I know you guys want to go global.
I hope you fucking do it.
You know, I'm sure you're jealous of the UFC that started way after you guys
and they were able to do it.
You are sure.
You know, I don't know what the fuck to tell you.
I don't know what the fuck to tell you.
It's just like, I don't, I, I, uh, I kind of like college football.
I'm going to start watching that.
And then eventually they're going to get pressure to fucking make this game a
male testosterone game.
For some reason, we need a bunch of estrogen in it.
You know, this is what I don't understand about women.
Okay, every study says that they're way smarter than men.
Right?
They can handle a stronger level of pain.
They're more in touch with their emotions.
They can do all of that shit.
And, you know, for the, as far as my experience goes, I'd agree with it.
For the most part.
I don't know about the arrogant, we're smarter than you.
It depends on what the fuck you're talking about.
Right?
But I'll give you, I'll give you all of that.
But if that's all true, why the fuck can't you start your own sports league?
Why don't you do that?
Why do you constantly have to fucking infiltrate some shit?
A bunch of guys doing some shit that you know at the end of the day you think
is fucking stupid.
It's a bunch of guys smashing into each other, scrambling their fucking brains.
Trying to get a ball across the fucking line to score points.
You know you don't give a shit about that.
Why can't they come up with their own goddamn fucking sports league?
And then from top to bottom, fucking can be all women.
Then you turn that thing into a global billion dollar fucking entity and then
women get all that fucking money.
There's your power.
You don't fucking join a guy's league and then they give you pink flags to
throw.
Holding, offense.
Like, why would you do that?
I don't know.
I don't fucking know.
I don't know.
I don't understand these things.
All I can do is equate it to my life.
I can tell you this.
When I work for somebody else, the fuck overs, you can't keep track of them.
That's when you get stolen from the most.
That's when your dream gets crushed the most, when you fucking work for
somebody else.
If you work for yourself, you have more control.
Granted, you work way more hours, but that's the price you pay.
We're taking callers.
Oh, look who's here, everybody.
Oh, Jesus.
Here we go.
Do-do-do-do-do.
Me undies.
Me undies.
What happened to the NFL?
Do-do-do-do.
Me undies.
Me undies.
I think it's going to the hell.
Why do you gotta please everybody?
Just have people smash into each other.
Who cares?
Why do you have to have a bunch of pink, a bunch of fucking ladies there?
You know, it's a guy's sport because we want to seem progressive.
All right.
Me undies.
Hey, if you send a feminist a dick pic that has, but you have it in a little
pink sweater,
is that okay?
Is that considered progressive?
I don't know.
All right.