Name: Bill Burr - Bill Goes To Chargers vs Dolphins Game
Uploaded: 2017-09-18T12:35:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Bill Goes To Chargers vs Dolphins Game' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Bill Goes To Chargers vs Dolphins Game' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-18. Transcript available.

um i actually went to uh i went to the stub hub center today and i saw the new
los angeles charges their first game against the miami dolphins um i went down
there i gotta tell
you that might be the best stadium i've seen a football game in at the nfl
level simply because
there was only 25 000 people there i can't believe the patriots are playing the
charges on the road
if i could see tom brady in a 25 000 seat stadium that'd be incredible that's
like old that's like
what the old nfl used to look like back before you know we out all of those
other stadiums
back before lady gaga and whitney houston and everybody brought all these other
people into
the game all these people who are just like oh my god what else happens after
the concert you know
when they started watching football so they had to build 50 60 70 80 100 000
fucking seat stadiums
25 000 seat seats i got to see two wiley veterans two gunslingers philip rivers
philip rivers
against uh what's his face there uh jake cutler is it j or j j color that's
right j color right am i
gonna say his name right j cutlet i like it one guy's a religious freak with 90
kids the other guy's
like set him up set him up let's have another drink right j cutler there you go
that's right j cutler so
um fucking san diego had the goddamn game one wait this is showing me a bodybuilder
is it jake
this is the age i'm at now i don't know anybody's name anymore jake cutler
there we go
where are we no it is j cutler all right whatever the fuck this guy right he he
he leads his team
down the field they go ahead by three points and then san diego comes down the
field philip rivers
he doesn't give a he's worried about a two-minute offense this guy's got nine
mouths to feed
can you imagine having nine kids just it's you just come home to a standing ovation
everybody's freaking as you have a crowd you have a crowd of kids how amazing
is that until they all
become teenagers and then there's a 10 to 15 year period where they hated you
you know
you never made sure that i also got staked out you always sat down the other
end of the table i
wanted to sit closer to you i think he's gonna deal with all of that right um
was a great game
fantastic stadium um yeah great there's not a bad seat in the house i'm telling
you before they move
to some giant monstrosity of a stadium that they're sharing with the rams i
believe and it's gonna
you know bankrupt the city um before they do that if you get a chance
definitely go to the stuff up
center it's phenomenal you know it's funny i was i was sitting i was watching
the game and i see this
guy flying over in this helicopter the robinson 44 during a game he's he looks
like he's not even 500
feet off the grass flies right over the stadium and i with my limited knowledge
of aviation realize that
when there's a big event like that it's an automatic uh temporary no fly zone
an hour before and an hour
after the game i believe that what it is if not two hours before and after
right this jerk off flies right
over the stadium i'm sitting there with my buddy going uh that didn't look like
a copper you can't i don't
think you can do that i'm just a novice but i do not think you could do that
this jerk off comes by
again he's on his side showing all the passengers down in it and then like two
seconds later like a
police helicopter comes flying over i don't know if he got in trouble or what
but uh i don't know i
know some pilots listen to this like i said i don't ever pretend to know
anything about that stuff
as far as uh my limited knowledge you are not allowed to do that god forbid
something happens and
then you land on 25 000 people watching jay cutler right with keg booze coming
out of his pores going
up against uh the other guy from ash wednesday right um uh these kansas city
chiefs for real
uh so i i got a taxi on the way down um and then on the way back i called the
car service
and i'm telling this guy i'm like meet me at 184 in avalon
all right there's a kentucky fried chicken right next to a donut place can you
meet me there right
so the guy's like yes all right great great right so we get down there right
the game ends i walk out
there 4 15 he's supposed to pick me up at 4 30 i call the guy up he's like a
city block away
everything's going good then all of a sudden the cops are everything they're
like they're like uber
and lift 192 walk down walk down to 192 right and i'm sitting there going well
i'm not uber or lift
car service i'm like these guys are gonna with me so i try and call this guy i
call the guy up
and i keep telling the guy he's going okay i'm a block away i'm a block away
and i'm going yes yeah i
forget it oh the kentucky kfc i'm going no no no no no no kfc now no kfc there's
a donut shop right
next door i'm going to walk over see if you can turn in there and he goes okay
okay kfc i'm going
no no listen i'm walking over i'm walking over all right forget it you can't
walk into the donut place
i'm going to go down to 192 and avalon he goes okay the parking lot kfc he just
kept saying that
like a prank show and i'm literally getting angry yelling no 192 and avalon
into my phone and like
people with kids are turning around looking at me so i'm trying to put more of
a happier tone
in my voice and it's just not working and he just kept going okay kfc parking
lot no 192 and avalon
and then i finally go dude just repeat it repeat it he goes yes yes i go repeat
what i said he goes
192 avalon i go fine fine and then like he calls me back okay i'm pulling into
the donut shop and i'm going
i finally had to fucking take a picture of 192 and avalon and send it to the
fucking guy then he
showed up right and he was the greatest guy ever greatest guy ever and i was
like all right you know
what maybe i got a little emotional okay there's 25 000 people walking up and
down the goddamn street
here i don't know what to do here maybe you know i don't know what but i will
tell you when i was at the
game um when i was at the game the uh these people in front of me i've never
seen this before we're
drinking uh what's that mexican beer that begins with a with an m begins with
an m it's in a it's
gold right it looks like it looks like a trophy looks delicious especially
after 32 days in that
booze and so these people in front of me are drinking this in it out of a can
and they had this this on
top i'm like what the is that
is it crushed red pepper flakes what is it this guy next to me goes chili
powder they put chili
powder around the top because i don't like it i'm like is that like white
people putting a lime in a
a corona he goes yeah it's something like that he goes yeah i don't really like
it i was like well
i gotta try that i mean not right now but eventually i'm gonna try that um it
looked like the that you
put on you know that are the warning tracks of these new uh baseball stadiums
that's sort of sanded sort
of rubber that's what it looked like from far away um so that guy proceeds to
get absolutely plastered
and after three um quarters he comes back up and yells to the crowd that they
stopped serving beer
at the start of the fourth quarter and he's yelling about how dumb it is
and uh that's one of those moments where it's good that i also wasn't drunk
because i would have been
like yeah buddy you're the reason you're the reason they do that because you
can't hold your alcohol
look at you you're a mess so i actually went to this game and this is like a
record for me i didn't
have any booze and i didn't eat any of the food i had like two handfuls of
peanuts and drank like three
waters that's it because i can't be a fat on this thing you know so um i go
downstairs to take a piss
right and there's this guy just yelling at the police and there's like two cups
there and then there's
three and then there's five and i'm walking by i go down i take a piss and i
come back and there is like
half the police force is standing there and there's this white dude screaming
at all of these cops
screaming you gotta do something go up there and do something another white guy's
yelling dude it was
like total white guy moment like yelling at 20 cops he's not getting the kicked
out of him
and they actually listened to him they went up they kicked two guys out
and the other guys were like really like all right they just sort of left i don't
know what they did
i don't know what the they did it was the weirdest thing it was the two guys
screaming looking like the
ones that were gonna get arrested um like we're demanding that these cops go up
and do something
and then they finally did and they threw these guys out it's a really bizarre
day but once again
a phenomenal uh sports experience if you go there so um i apologize a lot of
this
shit is going to be all sports stuff that's kind of what i did this weekend i
kind of hung out with
my daughter and i just watched a bunch of sports