Name: Bill Burr - Bill's Montreal Expos Story
Uploaded: 2017-10-01T02:14:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Bill's Montreal Expos Story' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Bill's Montreal Expos Story' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-01. Transcript available.

um i'm gonna tell you guys that story i must have told this story the time i
went to the
montreal expos game by myself i was doing this gig in upstate new york and um
you know i was
trying to go to all the fucking stadiums so i was like all right well you know
let's see this
montreal yeah they got a fucking game so they had a game the next day so i went
up i did this gig i
think i did the lake ontario playhouse i know i've told this story before but
what maybe i got
a few listeners maybe from somebody from chenya is listening maybe somebody
from romania
um anyways so there was a game the next day so i ended up trying to cross the
border into canada
uh this is pre-9-11 by the way in a very weird spot by myself
so i get stopped at the border the guy tell the guy asked me he's like whoa so
what are you doing
there fella he's a canadian dude and i said i'm going to an expos game and the
expos had lost probably
about i don't know like 120 games at that point during the season and he goes
oh you're meeting
some friends up there and i was like nope going by myself he was like oh hey
pal would you mind
pulling over right there for a second so he asked me pull over and like two
more of these fucking guys
come out and they start ripping apart my car and they send me inside and i'm
like what the fuck is
some sort of random drug search and i'm just sitting there watching them and
they're ripping
it apart and ripping it apart and then it suddenly fucking dawns on me like
what kind of a fucking
loser i mean i was like two hours away i was gonna drive two hours out of my
way to go up there to go
to a montreal expo's game by myself this guy could not fathom that any human
being even one that looked
like me would have that much of a pathetic moment in their life he was
convinced i was some sort of
drug mule or whatever i guess drug mules was that when you have it up your ass
well they never checked
my ass they just checked the fucking car so it suddenly dawned on me that they
thought there was
no way that i was that pathetic but i knew the real answer was yes i was that
pathetic so it just struck
me as funny and i started laughing and i couldn't stop and i remember the cop
looking over at me
and he saw me laughing and i think he thought i was laughing like he couldn't
find the drug so they
were out there for like a fucking half hour and then once i knew that they
thought i had drugs then i
was just kind of acting like a dick and i had a shitty grin on my face as i
came walking up smiling
and they well the guy was getting mad like i was smiling like he didn't find it
or whatever and uh then i went up there i went up there and this fucking french
cunt acted like he didn't
understand what i said when i asked him to take my picture because i didn't
have anybody to take my
picture because i was by myself had one of those disposable cameras it's just
the story just keeps
getting worse and worse um when i called him a cunt he laughed and walked away
um so anyways i was sitting out in like fucking left field and uh it was such
an old stadium i
don't know and just under budget they got socialism up there you know and they
just don't step on the
poor the way we do up here um out in the outfield your seat only had one arm
rest that's what i
remember even on the left or on the right i can't remember what and i was
sitting out there and all the
fans were not paying attention to the game the fans that showed up and they
were just singing
ole ole ole ole that soccer fucking song and i was watching i swear to god i
saw this guy and i'm like
i watched this guy steal home plate and i'm way out in left field so i jumped
up i was like yeah when
he stole home plate nobody else jumped up with me and it was really quiet in in
the stadium so then i was
like oh fuck maybe that was something else maybe i don't know maybe it was a
pass ball maybe uh it was
a block i didn't know what so i fucking sat back down and felt stupid because
everyone was looking at
me and then later on that night i was back at the fucking hotel and i was
watching tsn that's their
espn up there and they're like they're like oh here's something you don't see
every day and they showed
a guy stealing home plate and i was like i fucking knew it you know that's my
expo story not riveting
but not boring