Name: Bill Burr - Fatties At Work (Fatphobic)
Uploaded: 2017-10-02T12:13:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Fatties At Work (Fatphobic)' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Fatties At Work (Fatphobic)' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-02. Transcript available.

fat phobic dear billy backbreaker i'm a 28 year old white male living in ohio i've
been single
for nearly four years now congratulations i consider myself to be an active guy
rock climbing
going to the gym is this like your tinder fucking bullshit you're sending me i
like to rock climb
go to the gym cycling etc anyways i used to be overweight at 250 pounds and
over the course
of a year i was able to get down 172 pounds and maintain that due to the activeness
and eating
a plant-based diet good for fucking you sir making me you're inspiring me good
for you man
what a great thing you did my situation is this i have some ladies that have
expressed their interest
in me however the majority of them are overweight and have no self-control when
it comes to their
diet and exercise i'm not attracted to bigger women which puts me in a
difficult situation
when they very openly flirt and invite me out why you're not attracted to them
that's totally fine
and it's totally fine to not be into overweight people i don't know why you
have to pretend that
you're into people that you're not into so the person you know eating the
fucking drake's cake
can feel good about themselves what about you there's still a victim in there
okay and considering
being out of shape is curable for most people i'm not saying it's not a disease
but for most people
they do what you do plant-based diet they get active and it fucking falls off
plus considering
you were a fatty this is like an alcoholic you know who got sober you're gonna
go hang out with
an alcoholic i guarantee you'll become a fat fuck hanging out with them all
right and then where
you're gonna be you're gonna be laying down if she tries to ride you on top i
hope you got enough
to fucking still get it in there you're two belly slapping together you don't
be part of that do you
uh the ladies can turn down men no problem but when a man turns down a lady
some of the ladies i work
with and they're close friends i've known for years some of the ladies i work
with and are close
friends i've known for years why the fuck would you date them anyways they know
that i've been single
for four years honestly i am picky and i've also learned to be happy after
multiple bad relationships
dude you are fucking crushing life right now don't fuck it up by dating some
fatty that you work with
because society is telling you that you're not progressive if you don't anyway
so when i deny a date
requests or don't flirt back with them they say that i'm fat phobic
is this what this has come to
um like if some fat fucking man-titted douche came walking up to them
pressing his dick up against them i mean that's what the fuck they're doing to
you
sticking their fucking clam in your face smelling like a jim dandy sunday at
friendlies right then
what the fuck fuck off i'm not fat phobic i just weigh 172 pounds and i know
that i can get a better
fucking cut of meat i'm sorry i didn't mean to go that mean i'm just saying
because that fat phobic
pissed me off all right you should respect everybody just say listen um i used
to be fat like you
and i started rock climbing why don't you rock climb okay or at least maybe
just stare at a bunch of
rocks instead of eating rocky road ice cream every fucking weekend maybe uh i'll
throw you a bang every
once in a while as dice clay says i'll throw you a bang yeah dude can i tell
you something right now
this fucking woman's movement thing is completely out of control it's
completely out of control
they are not all of them but so many of them are everything that they're
fucking preaching
that they don't want guys to do to them okay
there you know you have the absolute 100 right to date whoever the fuck you
want to date you have
the right to be as shallow as you want to be you can date for looks for 10
years if you want to
before you want to settle down and get serious you know and if you wait too
long you're going to pay
the price but it's your life don't let it this is this is your life dude you're
going to date some
fucking fatty and you don't want to just so what those cunts at work will look
at you in a better way
i i wouldn't do that just be like yeah my dance card is full all right this
these are the measurements i
like and i'm not ashamed of it okay that's what i find attractive as do you can
i tell you something
all of those women at work if they could be the size that you find attractive
would be you know what
i mean and they ate their way into that position it's their job to eat their
way out the same way you
did so you had to get on a bike you had to climb a bunch of rocks you had to do
all this
shit now you're you're in game shape right you're fucking in kobe bryant shape
and they're showing
up like shack and they want to try to play their way into shape remember kobe
used to always give
shack shit for doing that yeah fuck that anyways he says i've never pointed out
their weight but when
i have openly expressed interest in other women while talking to the other guys
at work the women
start to shame me all right dude you know what i was on your side until you
said shame what what the
fuck happened to what happened to people they shame you you just fucking laugh
at them saying that i only
like bones and twigs um i get along with everybody so i never strike back well
that's your problem
with anything in fear that i might be taken to hr for god knows what in days
also having denied some
of the women they've gone as far as to not speak to me as much and tell other
female co-workers how
horrible of a man i am leaving them to have bad attitudes against me just
because i won't date
them um dude what do you look like burt reynolds what the fuck's going on here
i would uh yeah
listen this is the deal women go to hr guys just laugh at it so just laugh at
it dude you know what
i would do i would be overly friendly to the ones that hate me you know morning
sue you look lovely
today kill them with kindness and then i would bring the most smoking hot
fucking chick you can find
to the fucking christmas party that's what you got to do anyways he says it's
true i'm not attracted to
bigger women that's fine there's nothing wrong with that but women sit around
all day talking about
guys having to be this tall have this facial hair wear these clothes but when a
man has any sort of
criteria we get shamed dude stop saying that okay being shamed is totally
within your own power at
the age that you're at okay if you're a fucking teenager or younger i get it
all right but it's
some point you got to be comfortable with how you look okay you got to get
comfortable with yourself
and then someone can't shame you unless you actually did something shameful
yeah if you kick the puppy
across the room you know what i mean you don't want to be comfortable enough
with yourself that you can
handle the criticism and have it not affect you you should feel shame all right
anyways because i'm
writing to hopefully get your take on the matter and hear what you would do in
this situation i will never
see desiring a fit healthy person who cares about their body as a bad thing no
you shouldn't and that's
something that all people should aspire to be fit and in shape healthier than
they were yesterday as
much as you can you know obviously the aging process you're getting older every
second one step
closer to the grave right but you know in the meantime yeah uh thanks for all
the good laughs you and nia are
the friends i wish i had in real life that's so nice have a good day and go
fuck yourself yeah dude
and by the way that goes for women too goes for women too all right um
yeah date what the fuck you want to date and if you want to be shallow
you know and dish date hot people then just do that see what that's like
it's up to you i don't understand you know what i mean like the you know what
you have at work dude
you have a bunch of busy bodies you know and there's these people out there
that want to
be the person to say i introduced this person to that person um
oh dude i swear to god man i swear to god you find the hottest
fucking chick you can fucking find you can fucking find take her to the goddamn
christmas party and
by the way let her know what's up let her know what's up i would i would i
would tell some
fucking i would tell some hot chick that whole fucking story and you know hot
chicks love being
hot nothing that they would make them feel hotter than to go down there and
have a bunch of women
look at her and just hate her because how fucking hot she is there you go find
that chick maybe she's
into sports too next thing you know you guys are running the country not the
country the company
that's perfect oh it's a fantasy but maybe you can make it happen sir um good
luck to you
uh good luck to you and uh and that's it and by the way there's plenty of guys
out there that like big
women you know what i mean it's plenty
you get it's it's up to you to be happy with your own fucking body all right i'm
telling you
telling you just fucking have a salad have one fucking salad a day start
fucking working out read up as
much as much as you can on nutrition try the best you can to eat the best food
you can which is really
difficult you know that's all you can do then other than that leave people
alone and let them date who
the fuck they want to date um all right that is the podcast uh for this week go
fuck yourselves