Name: Bill Burr - Vegas, Tattoos, & Mojave Desert
Uploaded: 2017-10-02T12:59:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Vegas, Tattoos, & Mojave Desert' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Vegas, Tattoos, & Mojave Desert' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-02. Transcript available.

um all right well let's get down to it oh billy fucking boozebag is back i fell
off the wagon
i couldn't do it i'm fucking with you i'm still on the fucking wagon i went to
vegas and i passed
that test i was at the uh the monte carlo not the race the fucking casino
stayed over at the
mgm grand because they're doing some uh construction i guess on the monte carlo
so
they had me across the street and uh oh my god what a fuck there's no better
people watching than
when you go to vegas holy shit i went down to the pool yes i went down to the
pool i was working
with bartnick he's an italian guy he actually has pigment so he wanted to go
down the pool it's like
all right fuck it i'm not gonna stay in the room the whole time so i go down to
the goddamn pool
dude and it was like right as the sun had already started to go down it was on
the other side of the
casino so there really wasn't any sun on the water so there was maybe five or
six young people there
and everybody else was my generation or older and holy shit i know this is a
hacky topic i know this
is but thank god i never got a tattoo thank fucking christ if you saw these
fucking people
and they're my age man 49 years old no shirt on all these fucking chicks with
their ankle sorority
tattoos telling kids what to do with tattoos you know what i mean and they're
not good that what it kills me
about the tattoo becoming mainstream was the incredible like lack of research
that most people did
their total lack of respect for the art form and the complete lack of respect
for themselves
to go out and and try to actually find somebody good at it
i gotta tell you i must have seen 500 fucking tattoos
on about 100 different people down there at the pool everybody just tatted up
shit show man boobs are just pecs sagging down
you know women you always got to give a pass because they they have they have
to bear children
all right but guys man there's no fucking reason you just keep doing the push-ups
keep the chest high and tight what the fuck are you doing lay off the pizza and
the booze
fucking guys just walking around their saggy chest and the fucking tribal band
the tramp stamps
those sorority ankle tattoos just fucking horrific
i went down there was just sitting there just reminded of my own mortality
going like jesus christ
i really want to fucking act like i'm above these people but like you know
smartest fucking thing i i that i i didn't do was i never got a tattoo jesus
fucking christ
thank christ i never did it you know i like it used to be back in the you know
because look at
me i'm not a tattoo guy all right tattoo they they's got to go back to bad asses
you know what i mean guys in biker gangs or in prison or like chicks who know
how to shoot pool
and wear the leather pants right maybe i'm out of my fucking mind so we went
down there and we just
looked at that fucking sea of humanity and then this guy just comes out just
screaming
about how he lost 20 grand and he had a big grin on his face
he goes throw me in the pool like i can't swim maybe i'll drown i just lost 20
grand i just lost 20
grand in there and i looked at him i was like that guy doesn't have 20 grand
there's no way he's got 20 grand and who walks he's just acting like he's a big
shot right
but maybe he did i have no idea so um and we went over we did the show and
after the show
we sat out by this giant air conditioning duct behind a wall on a picnic table
and smoked cigars
and it was great and i didn't participate at all in the vegas shenanigans i
knew enough
when i walked through the lobby and i saw the people all the young people i was
like this is their time
don't be the creepy guy hanging around ruining it get the out of here so i went
back over to the mgm
walked back and uh i got back probably about 12 30 at night and that was that
first wave of women
that had had enough you know two out of three of them are walking barefoot
carrying their horseshoes
right what happens in vegas stays in vegas and they just their dirty feet just
walk into the
with a giant drink and i was glad that i stayed i did stay out of that and i
didn't booze although i
did smoke a cigar and i kind of did it on an empty stomach and i gotta admit i
was a little
fucking nauseous because it was this giant cuban and the next day we took the
helicopter out and back
and on the way back there was like a 17 to 30 knot wind depending on what
altitude we were until we
really got down low flying over the 15 it got down to like nine knots and we're
kind of getting pushed
around a little bit up there and there was a couple times i was just like oh my
god feeling a little
nauseous up here you know that's not what you want to see from your pilot
asking for a puke bag i mean
the most comforting thing he can say at that point yeah it's all right it's all
right i i drank last night
so um anyways but i gotta tell you man flying out there taking the helicopter
and going over the mojave
desert um was it was it was fucking incredible the desert is so it's like
beautiful terrifying
boiling hot and freezing all at the same time it's just uh i swear to god i don't
know why
you know what's something that people thought we faked the moon landing that's
probably where they went
right they probably just went out to the desert you know it's a lot of
mountains though i don't think
they faked it man i think they i think they got up there god gives a fuck maybe
they didn't there's
so much for me to babble about