Name: Bill Burr - Douchebag Demands Apology
Uploaded: 2017-12-08T16:21:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Douchebag Demands Apology' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-12-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Douchebag Demands Apology' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-12-08. Transcript available.

All right. Girlfriend's friend's boyfriend demands an apology. Girlfriend's
friend's boyfriend.
All right. So you have a girlfriend who has a friend who has a boyfriend and
they want an
apology from you. Dear Burbank bad boy brain red bird. Red Burr. Whatever the
fuck that means.
Bill Burbank. That's going to be my fucking alias. I've got an interesting one
for you.
A little bit of context. I am 24 and two years out of school. I live with my
girlfriend of almost five
years. Roughly two years ago on a sorority trip with my girlfriend. Her friend
and her friend's
boyfriend. I gave the girl one of those awkward side hugs after she went out
for a beer run. No
sexual intent whatsoever. Just to thank you. Evidently the boyfriend felt
otherwise and flew into a rage
shortly thereafter. Insulting the girl and my girlfriend. I didn't learn about
this until
well after. And since I have no relationship with the guy was content to let it
be. Now
wait a minute. Did the guy see the side hug?
All right. Wait a minute. What the fuck happened? I gave the girl of one of the
one of those awkward
side hugs after she went out for a beer run. No sexual intent. Whatever. Just
to thank you.
Evidently the boyfriend felt otherwise and flew into a rage shortly after. I
guess he waited till you leave.
Well this guy's a pussy then. What are you worried about? If he was fucking
there. Would she call him
up? Um he fucking touched the opposite side shoulder of mine? All right. Flash
forward for two years later the two of them
have just gotten engaged. My girlfriend will be a bridesmaid and learn from the
other girl I will not
be invited to the wedding unless I apologize to the boyfriend. Now go fuck
yourself. Fuck this fucking
pussy. Why doesn't he call you up? You can't come to my wedding unless you
apologize to me. Why is this
woman marrying this guy? Two years later he's still mad about a side hug? Jesus
Christ how possessive is
this fucking maniac? I feel bad for the woman that's marrying this lunatic. All
right. For inappropriately
touching his girl. Well dude by the way I'm just hearing your side of the story.
You know did you do one
those awkward side hugs and then as your hand came off her shoulder it
accidentally went across her
ass? If it was just an awkward side hug I say fuck this guy. Out of respect for
my girlfriend I'm
tempted to apologize but since an apology is a mission of guilt and I didn't do
anything wrong my pride is
holding me back. You know what because you just said that I actually believe in
you. I actually believe
you. I'm surprised that he's been too cowardly to approach me and is having to
work through two
people to get what he wants. What would you do? Uh you know what I would do? I
would I would go
fucking find out what sports is playing in that area. Tell my girlfriend to
have a good time at the
fucking wedding. Love the podcast. Love the stand up. Thanks. Um this is what I
would say. I would
just say I did nothing wrong so I'm not apologizing and tell that groom to be
congratulations on getting
married and at some point he might want to grow a dick if he wants to be the
man of the house
I'll get some fucking balls. Dude fuck that guy. I would go to a fucking
tractor pull before I would go to that
fucking wedding.
Oh Jesus Christ.
You know be fucking hilarious.
Go to the wedding anyways and then after they fucking exchange their goddamn vows
go up and give her a side
hug. Yeah dude fuck that. Fuck that. I don't feel I don't see any your your
letter that there's any pressure from your
now girlfriend. Um you know however if you don't go she you know she might be
like what the fuck they've been going out less than
they're getting married. Where the fuck's my ring? You might have to go down
that road.
But I gotta tell you you know this might be a twofer. You've already you've
been dating this woman for five fucking years. You're not giving her a ring so
what the fuck did I say you dump your current girlfriend and tell that guy to
go fuck himself
and uh you know
I dump everybody in this fucking story. Sorry I'm a little grumpy. Don't listen
to me but I definitely wouldn't apologize to that guy and I wouldn't go to the
wedding.
I mean you're a guy who the fuck wants to go to a wedding. This is great. You
gotta know.
Alright and just stay with that. I just can't do it because I feel it's an
admission of guilt and during this sensitive time this climate I'm worried
that did this if I if I say I'm sorry that then this was somehow going to my
Instagram which is tied to my Facebook and over to my Twitter
and I might not get a job. Just go to that fucking room or you could just be a
man and just say I'm not apologizing to that guy. Fuck him.
All right. And then you your fucking girlfriend. You know I would love to go
but I'm not going under those circumstances and I'll tell you right now
if you didn't do shit and the fucking bride wanted you to apologize and you
didn't want to I would back you
so
I'm not going
if you want to go you can go if you're not going get over here and blow me and
let's go to the game. There you go. That's what you say.