Name: Bill Burr - Bullet Proof Glass
Uploaded: 2017-12-26T18:01:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Bullet Proof Glass' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-12-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Bullet Proof Glass' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-12-26. Transcript available.

All right, bulletproof glass. All right, dear Billy Bullethead, writing to you
from the great city of Philadelphia.
Philly, a brief background. I am Korean, and my father owns two convenience
stores, both started by grandfather and grandmother in the mid-70s.
God, am I that old that your grandparents started businesses in the 70s, and I
was alive then?
Wow, already watching football and collecting cards.
They worked their asses off to provide for their family. That's right, old
school. I love it.
And make sure my dad and brothers had a good life.
One of the stores is in a very bad part of town, and in the mid-80s, while
working, my grandfather was shot at and robbed.
Oh, no. The bullet went over his head and missed his head by inches.
This wasn't the first time he'd been robbed at gunpoint, but the first time he'd
been shot at.
This obviously scared the shit out of my grandmother, and eventually they
installed a bulletproof window.
Since installing it, they've had zero robberies, and my grandmother sleeps a
bit better.
My grandfather is 78, looks 55, and still works four days a week.
I love this guy.
Just this week, a law passed saying that bulletproof glass is illegal?
The reason?
A city councilwoman said that it made customers feel uncomfortable and passed
legislation to make them illegal.
What is going on in this country?
That has got to be the...
What fucking neighborhood does this privileged asshole live in?
For starters, it's insanity that they can dictate something based on feelings
and emotions
that will have physical repercussions on the store owners.
Not to mention that if we are taking...
If we're talking about these barriers...
Not to mention that if we're talking about how these barriers affect emotions,
they certainly keep my family's emotions in check, worrying about other members
working in the store.
The woman who passed the law is a huge cunt.
Agreed.
I'm not a social justice warrior at all, but this woman's legislation is racist.
Yeah.
This sounds just like I live in a safe white neighborhood.
I don't like going in and being reminded that people who don't look like me are
being shot.
I mean, I just...
You know, I just had a latte.
It's only going to affect the mom and pop Asian and other immigrant-owned
stores,
and it won't have any effect on the corporate chains who don't have any family
working the counter
and won't feel the financial repercussions of a robbery.
None.
The problem is she's black and no one has the balls to call her racist.
Oh, I assume she was white, so I guess I'm racist.
She is, though.
She is, though.
My question is, I don't know how she's racist.
To you is, should I stand outside City Hall, I said Silly Hall, with a sign
stating she's a racist or just a twat?
No, what I would do is I would try to contact the local news people, because
that's a great story,
and if you still have the bullet hole and all that stuff where your dad almost
got, grandfather almost got killed.
Is this Oprah?
I mean, who said this?
This is crazy.
Is she a Huxtable?
Is that racist?
For me to assume that just because she's black that she at some point must have
lived in a tough neighborhood, right?
Is that racist?
Is that racist on my end?
Or are there not enough Huxtable black people rapping?
So my idea of what the neighborhoods are like, I mean, who knows?
I mean, this just opens a giant can of worms.
But at the end of the fucking day, I think that you should be able, I think
that that should be not the decision of the government.
That should be the decision of the person who got shot at.
Are you comfortable with rolling the dice that the next one also won't hit you
in the head?
This is what I would do.
This is what I would do.
I would not take it down.
I wouldn't take it down.
And if they force you to take it down, I would that's I would make a giant
stink about it is what I would do.
And I wouldn't don't say she's racist.
Don't say she's a twat.
Don't do any of that.
Just what you want to do is you want to keep the story about how the bullet
missed your grandfather by inches and how much more comfortable your
grandmother is now with the bulletproof glass.
And just say you and just you kill the you kill the other person with kindness.
I respect her opinion and blah, blah, blah.
But we work here.
She does not work in these stores.
I'm you know, I'm sure she does wonderful work.
You just keep doing that.
And.
And then I would have to think that someone in the state.
Department or whatever they are, is going to be looking at the story going, OK,
now, if.
We take down the bulletproof glass and God forbid somebody in there gets shot
and killed.
What is the state's going to get sued?
I would mention that.
Just say, listen, I'm not trying to cause a problem here, but like if something
happens to anybody working in my store.
Because, you know, the bulletproof glass is taken down, then I am going to hold.
You know, whatever the state of Pennsylvania or the city of Philadelphia and
that woman specifically.
I'm going to hold them responsible.
That has got to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard of.
Who installs bulletproof glass?
Who does that?
Places where people get robbed at gunpoint.
OK, and they still have the balls to stand there the next day and, you know, so
I can walk in and buy a paper and a fucking Kit Kat.
Don't they have the right to feel comfortable?
I mean, yeah, that's that's that's fucked up.
I got to tell you, as a white person, I'm actually psyched that that was
finally not somebody white doing that.
Hey, finally, it wasn't us.
So that's the way I would go about that.
I'd kill him with kindness and and then just sort of, you know, vaguely put it
out there.
Maybe have a lawyer down there just going like I can't see how the city of
Philadelphia would not be held accountable if something like this happens.
I mean, you need to have some sort of stricter gun laws.
We need to solve a whole bunch of other problems before you have the hardworking,
honest citizens of this great city being put into this level of peril because
it upsets one person in their mood that they're reminded that there are bad
people in the world.
OK, because what you have to remember, everybody, is there's two things.
There's there's the way you wish the world is in the way it really is.
And you have to act accordingly.
All right.
And that's it. Merry Christmas.
Happy New Year.
I'll check in on you on Thursday.