Name: Bill Burr - Lady Who's Bad At Arguing
Uploaded: 2018-01-03T06:59:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Lady Who's Bad At Arguing' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Lady Who's Bad At Arguing' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-03. Transcript available.

all right lady who's bad at arguing uh dear billy backward balls backwards
balls i'm actually a 15
year old girl oh jesus the fuck who andrew you trying to get me in trouble here
uh so i guess
you couldn't say really say that i'm a lady oh my god this is already creeping
me out yet but i love
your podcast and listen to it 24 7 because i feel like balanced needs a balance
needs to be restored
to the world after all the females listening to dr phil and loose women have
gotten a slightly
fucked up view on things um i respect that you're not gonna let mainstream
media have the only say
on the truth in other words what you're saying is you like to hear my opinion i'm
not always right
but you'll listen to it i appreciate that all right my whole life the 15 years
of my life
jesus christ this shit in my house that for 15 years i've been meaning to get
to it
um your whole life is 15 years that's incredible my whole life i've been bad at
arguing either i say
the wrong thing at the wrong time or i focus on the wrong point or i am easily
manipulated by guilt trips
etc uh whatever it is i can never get it right or stand my ground for example i
have this one friend
who is literally three i was a little a literal three-year-old on the inside i
thought you said
you were hanging out with the three-year-old i was like this is getting even
more creepy um i can't
say shit to her without her crying uh one time she wanted some of my food but i
told her that i hadn't
had breakfast and couldn't share that day she said to me you're b you're so
mean what the fuck is your
problem what yeah you get that person out of your life i just gave her some
food because i hate it when
people think bad about me but inside i was like bitch what it took me like two
hours to realize
that she didn't even think i was mean she just wanted the food and she knew how
to get it oh my god
do you know something your thought process that it took me till i was 37 to
realize that
you're way ahead of the curve here what you're realizing for the first time in
your life is that
there's people out there that are not good people see so what i did was i i i
went out into the world
where you are as a 15 year old and existed as that person till about 37 before
i actually started to
examine human behavior and um yeah so where you are right now is when you first
start to realize that
there's these cunts in life um what's going to happen is like two or three days
later or an hour
later after the moment you're going to be like oh fuck yeah she said blah blah
blah blah blah not
because she meant that it's because she she wanted x y and z well the more you
do that the more you're
going to be able to be in the moment and you're going to catch people in the
moment and then once
you're able to do it in real time people aren't going to be able to fuck with
you anymore and then
when and then the only thing you'll have to learn how to do is the judgment is
this worth me
you know applying this skill in real time like yesterday that guy who turned
around yelled fuck
you at bartnick and all that there's like four of us one of him overtime rose
bowl not even worth
engaging we all just stared at him and then he didn't know what to do he yelled
fuck you
and then he turned around and he felt good he said fuck you to four guys we
didn't do anything he
feels good and insecure around his wife you know and nobody got kicked out
nobody had to fight or
whatever and then there's other times when you actually say something back so
many i'll read the
rest of this but um you're right out of the gate you're being too hard on
yourself right most of the
girls in my class are pretty weak physically and it happens to be that as a
girl i have
unnaturally broad shoulders excuse the pun uh and weigh about two pounds more
than most of them
the fact is hard to ignore when you're staring at their cunt faces while they giggle
behind their
hands i have violent tendencies which i'm working on but i know i can beat the
shit out of them
and that makes it so much harder to verbally verbally argue uh they are much
better at it than me so even
when i'm right i lose and i always end up wanting to just uppercut send an uppercut
straight to their
fucking skull um whatever all right i would love a few pointers as to what to
do in an argument and
how to tell them when i'm being manipulated before i start latching on to the
fucked up mind game
um of doing things some advice would be great thanks a lot and go fuck yourself
p.s me and my sister
have a huge disagreement because it's my personal opinion that guys who have a
girlfriend should
still be able to go to strip clubs and have a good time without their
girlfriend getting mad my sister
says that for me to say that i must have no respect for myself and will end up
with a piece of shit guy
jesus those are two extreme opinions am i right or do i have some sort of self-respect
issues that i'm
not aware of yet all right let me comment on the first fucking thing all right
kids are mean kids bully
they gang up on you you never should resort to physical violence all right but
what you got to do
is you got to fight fire with fire so what you have to do all right is nobody's
perfect so you have to
find that fucking thing all right you have to find that fucking thing all right
and you just get them
with that all right and then they they know it will hurt their feelings
especially if they're good
looking popular people you can really fucking get to them all right like here's
something that i do
that i i learned to do after years of arguing with people after my shows you
know if somebody came up
to me and was like hey let me tell you something that stuff you said about
women and you're a fucking
and as they yelled all of that i used to try to argue my points going well hey
you know it's just jokes
i also made fun of people in that hurricane you didn't get offended by that you
know what i learned
to do when someone was giving when they were giving me shit i would just go hey
hey you got something
between your teeth that's what i would say even though they didn't and then
they would be so fucking
mortified they walk away and then they'd be going like you know you know
sucking on their teeth and
shit and just it just shut them the fuck up so you need to find your version of
that okay so what i
would do is i would really study them all right and what you got to do is you
just got to find
something that's wrong with them maybe their earlobes are too big and i know
this is very immature
and this is this is super fucking mean and that as an adult i shouldn't tell
you to do this because
adults go with those people they're not your real friends you don't need to stoop
to their level
and they give you all this fucking air quote mature advice but you know what
that doesn't help you
when you go back into the shit the next day tell a teacher none of that shit
fucking works
all right because those fucking evil fucking cunts with terrible parents are
gonna find the time
they're gonna find you so that's what i would do all right there's no way one
of them doesn't have
a slightly crooked nose there's no way one of them's titty isn't a little bit
bigger than the
other or maybe their nipples point down there's something fucked up about their
chin if you know
you got to fight fire with fire if they're talking about your fucking shoulders
all right first of all
laugh at it learn to laugh at yourself all right but look at me i'm an old freckled
bald redheaded
cunt okay and all of those things should really end any dream that i ever had
in life
but if you just roll with it if you stare into it
and if i just be an old bald redheaded cunt then then what can you do to me
you just you got to get comfortable so i would get more comfortable with
yourself
all right and uh i'm sure your shoulders are fine and all of that stuff and
when they make fun of
your shoulders laugh and then i would say yeah my shoulders are as fucked up as
your crooked titties
or just you somehow you laugh at your shit and then you fucking you get them
you get them just tell them you just go do you want you know just tell them
they got bad breath
you got you need some i don't just you'll find i wish you know what you could
if you just could
have sent me a picture of them i would have helped you out but then i would
have gotten in trouble
because you're teaching them to bully you know all of these people who want to
who want to fix
problems with five minutes on fucking dr phil by the way did i call it
you see that big scandal over there now granted innocent until proven guilty
old dr phil fucking bringing the guests up a notch there