Name: Bill Burr - Billy No Fun | Bill's Wardrobe
Uploaded: 2018-01-03T07:34:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Billy No Fun | Bill's Wardrobe' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Billy No Fun | Bill's Wardrobe' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-03. Transcript available.

so anyways old billy no fun um i'm not going a bunch of days again but like i'm
just like uh
i'm done all right i i came off the wagon on december 26th and now it's january
2nd and i'm
right back on i had i i had a hell of a week one day i didn't drink all right
that was the 28th
december 20th so six out of the last seven days i drank uh i don't like how i
feel i don't like
how i look i just can't fucking do it anymore okay i'm turning 50 in june i had
a great half of a
century run all right i never really drank until i was like 17 so whatever i
had a good 33 year
larry burke speaking of the guard i had a nice 33 year run okay so uh i am now
going to be that guy
that picks his spot am i gonna be that fucking dude maybe i'll just be that guy
that has a glass
of wine with dinner every once in a while you know
it's just like just all this awkward silence between me and my wife as we sit
on either end of this really long dinner table you know and all you hear is
just me like
turning the pages of the paper and you know shaking it you know you do that
thing to make
sure it straightens out every once in a while just being like honey did you see
down in brazil they had a riot um i don't know what i'm gonna do but uh
i'm i'm just i'm i'm bringing the way i was bringing everything up in that
recipe i'm bringing
everything down bringing everything down all right i'm fucking uh back to
crushing the waters
i'm back onto my diet and uh i got a couple of goals this year all right
one of the biggest mistakes i made in my adult life was buying 34 inch jeans
after being a 32 all right 32 best shape of my fucking life
they started getting a little tight around the fucking waist and i thought oh
you know you get
older you fill out and it's like no bill you put on weight you cunt
why don't you just take fucking seven to ten days to lose i didn't i bought the
next size up jeans
okay and that was stupid because that just gave me this leeway to be a fat fuck
who feels comfortable in his pants you never buy the next size up jeans
after you're done growing and all of that shit you know what i mean unless you're
a fucking beanpole
which maybe i was so i'm back down to 33 i figure i'll stay there so that's
what i'm gonna do i gotta like
my fucking wardrobe right now i gotta it's just like
you know i hate going shopping all right and i have not bought a fucking shirt
or a pair of pants
in a couple of years
gotten a fucking couple of free t-shirts i bought a primus t-shirt at the
concert i went to
but other than that it is just i just you know
and i got rid of a bunch of old clothes so i have like i have two shirts that i
wear one of two shirts
when i fucking headline those are my two headlining shirts and i think i have a
pullover sweater
and that's it and uh
i don't think i give a you know i gotta go out there and have some
fucking rhinestone shiny goddamn shirt
i i really believe that as long as i have a act
that nobody's gonna be really paying attention to the shirt right well now that
i brought it up you're gonna
um
i don't know maybe i'll buy shadow maybe i'll buy a sweat you know i'm thinking
i'm thinking
i'm gonna be that guy that just dresses all in black if i wasn't so pasty and i
wouldn't look
like a floating head in hands i would do that but what's great about a black
shirt is you can
wear that like three days in a row before anybody really even notices like this
is not
changing his shirt you know that is the genius of malcolm young rest his soul
the greatest rhythm
guitarist in rock and roll history in my opinion um
the genius of the way that that man dressed the sheer amount of money that that
man saved
by just wearing jeans and a t-shirt right einstein that's that einstein shit
that's what geniuses do they get rid of all the white noise and they just focus
on what's important
that's what he did he just was just i only need his pants and a shirt i'm not
gonna be
sitting there trying to be in style i'm gonna dress timeless blue jeans and a
black t-shirt and i'm done
do you ever see the let there be rock video that's one of my favorite parts of
the video
when he's getting ready for the show and he takes the t-shirt off and then he
snaps his fingers like
he's this spoiled rock star and they just throw him another t-shirt the exact
same color he puts it on
or a slightly different color and then that's it it's over