Name: Bill Burr - Dumping My Girlfriend
Uploaded: 2018-01-23T15:40:59.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Dumping My Girlfriend' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Dumping My Girlfriend' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-23. Transcript available.

all right dumping my girlfriend a billy billboard brow
fucking asshole that's another good one recent fan of your podcast stand up and
all that jazz
anyways i'm a 24 year old dude and i've been dating and living with my girl for
almost four
years now and i finally had enough she's a real downer and talks shit about
people including her
friends like it's an olympic sport now the problem is she lost her job a month
ago on
account of her shit talking it hasn't exactly been going out and looking for a
new one because
she's anxious or whatever leaving me to pick up her end of the bills she didn't
have any savings
because she had picked up the habit of going out and drinking every night i
honestly wouldn't have
a problem uh just up and leaving but the apartment is a stone's throw from the
beach and my other
roommate and i really don't want to leave the fucking decisions people make it's
right new
the beach uh the other roommate is my best friend okay she's got a lot of books
and shit and the bed
is hers so it wouldn't be a little so it would be a little difficult to do the
old put all her stuff
in a box trick uh deep down i do still have love for her so the idea of kicking
her out hurts my heart
but i just can't deal with the endless drama and unhappiness would love to hear
what your advice on the
podcast and as always go yourself yeah the relationship has run its course
and you need to go your separate ways and sometimes when that happens you know
somebody yeah somebody
gets hurt all right but you're not doing her any favors if you don't want her
to be with you and you
you're just you're just wasting her and your time so uh you know this is why
you don't fucking live with
somebody unless you know you're gonna marry him i don't know i don't know oh
boy um so what do you
do break up with her and then tell her to move out all at the same time or
those two separate conversations
i just break up with her
and then let her bring up where am i gonna live
and i'd be like well i don't know i mean the coastline is pretty long so i'm
sure there's
another beachfront apartment you could be in i'm assuming your name's on the
lease
usually when there's a breakup the guy has to leave and leave half his shit so
it seems like
you're in a decent position here um who wants a negative drunk without a job i
don't think you
want that doesn't sound like you want it um i think the love you have for her
was who she used to be
or who you thought she was so and neither of those are happening right now so
it's time for you to tell
her to hit the bricks happy new year sweetheart beat it you can't say it like
that
i just tell her look we need to talk and sit down she can be what's the problem
what's the problem
me and you just gotta fight through that horrible feeling there's nothing worse
the only worse than a
woman crying is when she's about to cry because you still have hope that she's
not gonna cry so you're
on pins and needles once she's crying you're like ah this sucks but you kind of
know what's gonna happen
um yeah you just gotta sit her down and just say listen um i'm not happy this
isn't working for me
anymore and we need to break up all right just like that boom boom boom and you
got to get that out
you got to get all of that out don't sit there and be like oh
i don't know how to say this and turn it into a 45 minute thing rip the band-aid
on just rip it off we
need to talk i'm not happy we need to break up okay you're going to the two
minute offense
okay you don't get out of bounds you keep the clock running you want this game
to be over no i don't
know yeah that's what i would do that's what i would do just sit down and just
say all right
in eight seconds this relationship is going to be over okay i'm on this side of
the eight seconds
all i do how long does it take to say that i'm gonna time it right now all
right we need to talk
i'm not happy we need to break up i just did that in like five seconds
and then she go what if we blah blah blah no i've made the decision we need to
break up it's just
it's just not working for me i don't love you the way i used to love you that's
what can they
say about they can get mad they can cry they can do all that but the thing is
you conveyed it
and you're out where am i gonna live i don't know we'll figure that out i guess
that's the next
thing we need to figure out and whoa is your life gonna suck after that but it's
never gonna suck
more than staying in a relationship you don't want to be in all right and that's
one to grow on