Name: Bill Burr & Todd Rexx - Girlfriend Drinks Too Much
Uploaded: 2018-01-30T14:52:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Todd Rexx - Girlfriend Drinks Too Much' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Todd Rexx - Girlfriend Drinks Too Much' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-30. Transcript available.

all right girlfriend drinks too much uh dear bill i was hoping you could help
me
out with the problem i've been having i've been living with my girlfriend for
almost a year now
we're in our mid to late 20s just for some background everything's going great
except
for one thing we worked regular nine to five five type jobs which means most of
the fun we
have is on the weekend and like most people we tend to lube up on the liquor
while we're out and
about or even just staying in well i don't think there's anything wrong with
with drinking my
girlfriend doesn't know her limits often she will drink way too much too early
and end up passing
out or throwing up though commonly both will occur wow yeah she doesn't know
how to drink you got to
pace yourself out there a few examples uh she will insist on watching a movie
after we've had a few
drinks we finally decide uh we'll put it on and then after 15 minutes she
passes out then i'll have to
stop because of course i can't watch it without her yeah well teach her a
lesson watch the whole
movie and be like you missed a great one and in the end the butler did it so
lay off the booze because
i'm going to start doing that to you um number two we went to a hockey game a
few weeks
ago and when we got to the arena she ordered me a beer and herself two double
gin and tonics oh my god
yeah she has a problem we had already had a couple before arriving she then
proceeded to down both of
them in 10 minutes before the puck dropped and passed out soon after the hockey
game oh my god
that's a problem i had to drag her up to stand for the anthem and again when
they were honoring the
troops this is fucking this is like a kristen wing character uh she then left
for the washroom
that's one of my favorite scenes though when she gets wasted on the plane in bridesmaids
yeah and she
just goes when she goes when she's walking out uh she then left for the washroom
but came back with
two more double gins a hot dog and a bag of popcorn which she spilled and
blamed it on me oh my god
sounds like a episode of intervention even if i did do it the first thing you're
going to do is
snitch on me all right that just took a left turn uh get the out of here we're
supposed to be a team
but i digress sorry for the rant uh last weekend my god these are all like
bullet pointed by the way
in the uber ride home she prepared she proceeded to whip out her tit to try and
seduce me i told
her to put it away because she was in no condition and i didn't want to up my uber
rating
passes out wait what the passenger gets an uber rating oh yeah the the
passengers get
uber ratings too from the drivers that might actually boosted his rating if the
driver would
have looked back and saw a sloppy titty hanging with gin and tonic on it uh
anyway they don't
fuck up my uber ain't she passes out 30 seconds later and pukes in the elevator
on the way up to the
apartment it didn't make it a lot it didn't make a lot of a mess as she was
able to hold it back
before i got her to the toilet oh my god this guy's just okay the piece de
resistance uh she passed
out during the bill burr show at the sony center uh how do you pass out for
that great man who just
came here to entertain us uh just to preface i had an allergic reaction that
morning was toast had a
little bit of weed before the show and i was able to be fully alert but yet you
are the one that's
falling asleep jesus christ this is like the war in peace this is like barfly
uh saying all this however
i have to admit that i'm no saint either i arguably drank much more than she i
only drink much more than
she does but i hold my booze a little better than she does i probably made her
sound worse than she
actually is you're gonna take it all away now right don't back pedal now you
already make it look like
a drunken mess yeah but in truth she's a wonderful girlfriend who cooks with me
for me cleans for me
it's very beautiful well and live happily ever after which is not three sheets
she's not puking on the sheets and as you can tell is willing to come to a
hockey game with me
and yes she did buy me bill burr tickets for my birthday she's a truly amazing
person and i plan to
marry her someday but this is just getting out of hand and i want my weekends
back can you do me a
favor and turn that light on my eyes are shot here god the sun's going down
here i'm not trying to
have a romantic podcast with you um uh let's see here i've had conversations
with her before and when
she she's sober she gets it but it doesn't stop her when she's drunk and she
will get angry at me when
i tell her she's had enough and i can't stop her from sneaking off to get
secret drinks with my money
she feels bad and i honestly feel guilty writing this to you and she is truly
amazing i feel like he
wrote the first half and then she walked into the room and is looking over his
shoulder um but it's tough
not only for me but i i know this is not easy on her but sometimes her body
sometimes as well i just
want her to be all right and for us to be able to have a good healthy time i'm
not quite sure what to
do here am i right to tell her that she's got to take it easy particularly when
we go out because it
seems to be working do i have to set a better example and drink less if at all
yeah i mean if she's a
booze hound maybe uh maybe you both maybe you both try to uh drink a little bit
less she might be one
of those people you know where once she has a kid she'll just knock all that
off or oh god i could
just drive her over the edge completely where she just stays hammered all the
time yeah you'll have
a drunken baby you know coming out stop emailing and bill burr and start emailing
drew pinsky
kid comes out dressed like foster brooks um use it to do a i love foster brooks
the
the simulated drunk comedian dude oh yeah it was hilarious hilarious and he uh
and he never really
drank he had it down to like reference dude that's back when like being an
alcoholic was like funny
right this is how this is how much i have to be careful though is talking about
all that drinking
made me want to drink right like i love it i i hate how it makes me feel though
now so i kind of i
just lay off did that craig craig robinson didn't drink for a year and then we
just had drinks
in arizona this past weekend we felt like trash both mornings that we drank oh
yeah and so he was
like yeah i thought i was back after taking a year up i thought i was back but
i'm good on drinking i
think i was like yeah man i don't feel good either i had a headache every day
that it's it's an age
thing like it's really it's a young person thing