Name: Bill Burr & Kevin Shea - Cheating On Boyfriend | Relationship Advice
Uploaded: 2018-02-16T20:20:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Kevin Shea - Cheating On Boyfriend | Relationship Advice' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-02-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Kevin Shea - Cheating On Boyfriend | Relationship Advice' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-02-16. Transcript available.

yeah all right cheating with a boyfriend oh i like these yeah i like these here
we go uh hey
billy burr it's cold so we fuck yeah no no no that's making fun of my last name
oh okay that
takes me back to like grade school all right i'm a female i got a lady writing
in by the way dude
you're a fucking great guest man and you're a fucking great comedian kevin shay
you got you
got to see kevin shay and listen to the uh oh fuck don't wait wait wait wait
all's i'm saying
all i'm saying oh no s no s but that was pretty good all i'm saying uh and
where are you performing
next uh i'm at the ice house tuesday to give me a fucking paid gig man oh shit
um west palm beach
this weekend but that's uh i'm with ken jung ken jung all right the guy from uh
hangover oh there
you go there you go the improv yeah west palm beach improv improv yes there you
go come see me go to
kevin shay.com go to kevin shay.tv some fucking white guy in upper upstate new
york has kevin
shay.com kevin shay.tv yes and uh go down check him out he's fucking hilarious
all right uh bill i'm a
female this story isn't about me it's about my friend uh that's a lie i know my
friend wants to
fuck around on her husband uh we're in our early 20s and have been friends
since high school we've
always been there for each other and even though our friendship has been long
it has been long
distance since then however now we we have a slight problem uh she's been
dating a guy for a year and
they've been butting heads lately one night she got high with her roommate who's
a guy and they
started to kiss and then of course one thing led to another apparently her
roommate has been having
feelings for her for a long time and wants to be in a relationship with her
instead of just banging her
uh she broke up with her boyfriend using their conflicts as the reason instead
of saying she
cheated we've all done that yeah we lie um all three of them have been have a
bunch of mutual friends so
she wants to lay low on the fact that she cheated she also wants to give her
now ex-boyfriend time to
heal before he finds out she's dating a roommate this is called being a class
act why bring extra hurt
right yeah but why not i mean at this point if she's feeling guilty just
fucking say it
that's easy to say at our age but when you're young when you're young yeah okay
when you're younger
you don't know how to do it she doesn't even have she doesn't even know that it's
obviously her
all right let's keep going here i keep trying to tell her that it'd be better
to come clean about
what she's done now than to wait it out i know whatever they're whatever their
gender i know
people know whatever their gender have the ability to cheat growing up i've
seen how being cheating on
has affected people around me including myself i never thought that she would
be the person to cheat
so my question is i have people cheat whatever and then like now she's judging
her uh so my question
is how can i get it through her head and she needs to handle this situation
better but also be a good
friend to her at the same time uh if nia's there and has any advice it would be
great thanks to go
fucking just fuck yourself uh second date problem oh this is a different one um
you know what i think
you need to butt out yeah what okay if we if we actually think this isn't about
her which i don't i
think it's about her and someone's saying that to her yeah yeah so uh if it's
if it's you if this is
actually i don't think she would have worded it that way i believe it okay if
we believe it it's uh
none of your fucking business you know people make mistakes we're all human you
know what i mean
so if she if you're a good this is the actual if you're a real fucking friend
you wouldn't judge
her can i tell you something yeah once you get past the pain she did you a
favor yeah because
you know you weren't married you didn't have any fucking kids you didn't have a
house together and
all that so who gives a fuck and then you know they were already butting heads
they weren't getting
along it was the end like it and there were 22 that it's already over
relationship and you go
fuck somebody i mean it's not girls you know what that's like it's like an
empty net goal you know
what i mean i mean i'll applaud it but i mean you know you didn't fake out a
goalie that's
it's garbage time they got all the starters on the bench it's garbage time it's
garbage time
fucking uh i you know what you have you ever uh that's it i've done it i've had
it done to me
i found out later that she did it to me i got man i was just like who gives a
fuck it was over
it was over it's more more than not whatever time you're in a relationship is
it was over
a half like if you're in four years it's been done for two years if that makes
sense relate i would
say a year and a half year and a half breakups just don't happen overnight you
don't wake up like
you know i'm fucking out of here you draw it out you start to get distance you
start fucking there
should be a fucking course in how to break up in in high school funny in high
school they should
they should teach young people how to do it it would be so much better i think
just so you don't
fucking drag someone along or you don't get dragged along all you had to do is
you just got to sit down
i remember one time i had to get out of a relationship and i remember uh uh steve
burn had just got out of
one this was like fucking you know years ago 20 25 years ago right and uh not
25 like 20 years ago
and i literally asked him i was like what did you say he goes i just sat down
and said i just said i'm
not happy that's what he started with and i've given that advice on here
because i used that i don't
think i ever told him that i just fucking used it i don't i don't like that i
we need to tell i'm just not
like yeah i just you know it's it's just not working it just doesn't feel right
i'm not happy
yeah and this is the thing but this is the thing you have to get it all out
yeah and i think we should
break up and you gotta you like i think you just go boom boom it's like monkey
bars boom boom boom
get across it and then you say we're gonna break up and then she's gonna drag
you through it like 50
fucking times it's like lying to the cops you just stick to your fucking story
yeah it's but that whole
i'm not happy i've heard it and i've said it it it usually drags out for seven
more months no
it does no but that's you it's no oh we're not happy it's not working out we
need to break up
you know i want to break up what the fuck it's done yeah no i get it i get it
but it never works
that way usually the other person's like no we can work this out then that's
when you have to go
al madrigal uh what listen well if you're living together yeah if you're living
together it's hard
then it's hard then you're not living together you have to go al madrigal what
what now and i'll never
told you that no i want to know dude al had a breakup one time this chick had
some shit at his house he
knew he was going to break up with her before he broke up he said he told her
hey i'm going to come
over tonight i think we need to talk about some things so she's like oh okay he
fucking got a box
packed all her shit up that was at his apartment walked over set the box down
and said we got to
break up it's not working dude it was fucking clean
yeah over that's that's easy for al because al's a fucking maniac like he does
he when he has his
learn from maniacs no i love maniacs i'm kind of a maniac i are i am kind of a
maniac i'm a psycho
when it comes when it comes to breaking up uh they've never been good no they're
never good
that's why you got to get through it if you live with them it's harder if you
don't live with them
it's easy and that's why people fucking hang in and then they start cheating
and they're doing all
of this fucking shit because they're basically mentally broken up so that woman
there essentially
didn't even like as far as like and on an emotional level yeah didn't fucking
on a physical
level she cheated but on an emotional level she didn't because she already
fucking broke up with
the guy she was done yeah i find that when women are done they're done here's
one here's here's one
when you know the other person was already fucking other people okay when you
someone breaks up with
you and they're not even crying like that means they already cried it out with
their fucking friends
they got no tears left and it's just like wow man this how long is this shit
yeah you know i've never
cried at a breakup i can't and they get guys don't cry they get all all the
girl all my ex-girlfriend
all all my ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend they're like they cry they cry i was
like because they're
fucking i don't know i was gonna say the other word so i'm glad i did it but uh
i would have known this is how i know this is how i know this is how i know
when it's done
when they don't kiss you goodbye in the morning like because i don't get up for
work this is how
i know it's done when when they're mad at you and you don't give a fuck yeah
yeah you're like
yeah and then they come in and they start doing the cold shoulder yeah you're
like and they're not
fucking you it's just like and you're like good good no you're right you're
right because then you
start getting more productive because you got so much mental time oh there's
nothing worse than
getting dumped but there's if you're the one breaking up with someone i've dude
i've been on both sides
i've broken hearts i've had my heart broken oh it's brutal it's brutal i think
that's why i'm so numb
yeah just fucking numb but no i already know if my marriage never worked out i
would never get
married again and i would just give my wife fucking everything and then i would
just go i'll go live
in a fucking trailer my buddy i'm not doing it again i'm not getting on the
fucking ride again
yeah that's it now just fucking wherever she lives i'll just drive the trailer
down the street so i
can still see my kid you can send in one of those airpods you ever see those
things i don't know i would
i would get a fucking i'd buy one of those vw buses
no i get a studio i get all the sports packages that'd be it i i don't
electronic drum kit i just go
back to what the fuck i had i'm actually shocked that you got married to be
honest with you best
thing i ever did i money is great but it's weird it's i don't know i don't know
if i'm ever getting
married to be honest it's like i want to get married but i don't know if i'm
too you'll do it when
you're ready yeah i'm 42 i wasn't married i got married at 45 i got three more
years
coming in it's great and then all of a sudden i'm like five years in i'm
already gonna turn 50
where the fuck am i going actually where am i going what am i gonna go back to
fucking
the club this hey ladies you're looking for a bald redhead oh god it's so sad i
saw
i see comics like that i don't i don't mention any names but when you see oh
believe me dude that
was a motivation i'm not gonna be the cliche yeah it's so fucking sad i was
like oh god
i don't oh it's so sad i don't like dating i don't i don't i can't tell you i
haven't dated since i
started doing stand-up really if that makes any sense like i meet girls and
then we just start
hanging out and then i send end up picking them that sounds weird you start
what we start hanging
out and then i just picked them i was like oh this is why i'm gonna hang out
with this one for a while
do they know that's what you're doing i don't know if they do yeah you need to
just listen the
best thing i haven't fucking learned is you just got to fucking say what you're
thinking
yeah yeah you know that's one of the reasons most of the women that i date like
me because i pretty
much say what i'm thinking that's all how happy would you be if a woman did
that it'd be fucking
amazing i'm not saying like hey you look ugly today i'm not saying that but i
mean like you
know don't don't be mean but like just say dude i'm in one time i a watershed
moment my
relationship was me had one of her friends was having a fucking birthday party
yeah right
the same night the celtics and lakers were playing like game six of the nba
finals
okay she's like what are you doing tuesday right she doesn't talk like that
that's just how it sounds
in my head so she's like what are you doing tuesday so i'm like i'm watching
the game she's like
does the pouty face you know the manipulation starts i hate that sexy voice and
then the pout right
so she's already tried two fucking tactics and not only is her friend having a
birthday party it's
like some fucking 1920s themed birthday party so i have to buy a fucking
costume like a flapper
yeah i gotta dress like i'm in the purple gang or some shit right
so she goes do you want to go and i just i said no
i like that i like that yeah she goes what do you mean no she goes why not i go
it sounds horrific
yeah she goes she laughed she goes what do you mean she goes she's a friend of
yours i go no she
isn't i go she's your friend i've become friendly with her because you know her
yeah but she's not my
friend i was sick this week she didn't know she didn't call she's not my friend
and i just kept
i just kept saying no and the more i said no the more she thought it was funny
but she got frustrated
then she just started laughing i go i'm not going fucking down there dressed
like charlie chaplin
i want to watch this game i don't want to fucking do this so then she was she
goes can't she just
she goes what time does the game start i go you're such a asshole yeah yeah so
now i got to go to this
fucking party and then race back so then i just made a compromise i said all
right the game fucking
starts are you wet whatever i said here's the deal i go i will drive you there
i will make an appearance
i'm not dressing up and i'm leaving with plenty of fucking time to get back
yeah so the before the
game starts yeah all right and i don't want to hear you going i don't want to
hear that once again
that's not how she sounds that's how she sounds when she says shit like that so
she said fine so i
fucking show up i drop this thing off and i show up there's all these fucking
guys they're dressed
like fucking charlie chaplin and al capone and shit and i come walking in with
like a fucking celtic
shirt on dressed all regular they're just like hey you didn't dress up i said
no no i'm getting out
of here in like 10 minutes and they go where are you going i go i'm gonna watch
the celtics game and
it's the finals that's fucking hilarious and i remember the look on their faces
and i was thinking
yeah i felt awesome i bet they were so jealous dude you know what i do i've you
know how many times i've
been the guy in the fucking chaplain outfit you know i've always been pretty
hard about saying no
like i'll just say no you know i mean but then i i'm pretty good about
compromise though if they want
to do something important to them so as long as i get to do what i want and
then if they have
something i know i have a bunch of compromises i have the okay but you're
driving and i'm drinking
i'll go to brunch if you drive and i can drink that's the thing i you know that
is i still don't
i still don't i don't do brunch yeah that's the one thing i fucking this is
every time they walk
there's a line and then they walk and they come on they go it's gonna be 40
minutes is that all right
dude no it's not all right this is my fucking day too and it's a sunday what
the fuck it's a sunday
i'm actually gonna get pissed dude what the fuck do we take them to on a
weekend where we walk out
and be like if they said it's gonna be 40 minutes they would lose their shit oh
they would they would
they would lose their fucking shit they would pout they would pout all right

Bill Burr & Kevin Shea - Cheating On Boyfriend | Relationship Advice

yeah all right cheating with a boyfriend oh i like these yeah i like these here
we go uh hey
billy burr it's cold so we fuck yeah no no no that's making fun of my last name
oh okay that
takes me back to like grade school all right i'm a female i got a lady writing
in by the way dude
you're a fucking great guest man and you're a fucking great comedian kevin shay
you got you
got to see kevin shay and listen to the uh oh fuck don't wait wait wait wait
all's i'm saying
all i'm saying oh no s no s but that was pretty good all i'm saying uh and
where are you performing
next uh i'm at the ice house tuesday to give me a fucking paid gig man oh shit
um west palm beach
this weekend but that's uh i'm with ken jung ken jung all right the guy from uh
hangover oh there
you go there you go the improv yeah west palm beach improv improv yes there you
go come see me go to
kevin shay.com go to kevin shay.tv some fucking white guy in upper upstate new
york has kevin
shay.com kevin shay.tv yes and uh go down check him out he's fucking hilarious
all right uh bill i'm a
female this story isn't about me it's about my friend uh that's a lie i know my
friend wants to
fuck around on her husband uh we're in our early 20s and have been friends
since high school we've
always been there for each other and even though our friendship has been long
it has been long
distance since then however now we we have a slight problem uh she's been
dating a guy for a year and
they've been butting heads lately one night she got high with her roommate who's
a guy and they
started to kiss and then of course one thing led to another apparently her
roommate has been having
feelings for her for a long time and wants to be in a relationship with her
instead of just banging her
uh she broke up with her boyfriend using their conflicts as the reason instead
of saying she
cheated we've all done that yeah we lie um all three of them have been have a
bunch of mutual friends so
she wants to lay low on the fact that she cheated she also wants to give her
now ex-boyfriend time to
heal before he finds out she's dating a roommate this is called being a class
act why bring extra hurt
right yeah but why not i mean at this point if she's feeling guilty just
fucking say it
that's easy to say at our age but when you're young when you're young yeah okay
when you're younger
you don't know how to do it she doesn't even have she doesn't even know that it's
obviously her
all right let's keep going here i keep trying to tell her that it'd be better
to come clean about
what she's done now than to wait it out i know whatever they're whatever their
gender i know
people know whatever their gender have the ability to cheat growing up i've
seen how being cheating on
has affected people around me including myself i never thought that she would
be the person to cheat
so my question is i have people cheat whatever and then like now she's judging
her uh so my question
is how can i get it through her head and she needs to handle this situation
better but also be a good
friend to her at the same time uh if nia's there and has any advice it would be
great thanks to go
fucking just fuck yourself uh second date problem oh this is a different one um
you know what i think
you need to butt out yeah what okay if we if we actually think this isn't about
her which i don't i
think it's about her and someone's saying that to her yeah yeah so uh if it's
if it's you if this is
actually i don't think she would have worded it that way i believe it okay if
we believe it it's uh
none of your fucking business you know people make mistakes we're all human you
know what i mean
so if she if you're a good this is the actual if you're a real fucking friend
you wouldn't judge
her can i tell you something yeah once you get past the pain she did you a
favor yeah because
you know you weren't married you didn't have any fucking kids you didn't have a
house together and
all that so who gives a fuck and then you know they were already butting heads
they weren't getting
along it was the end like it and there were 22 that it's already over
relationship and you go
fuck somebody i mean it's not girls you know what that's like it's like an
empty net goal you know
what i mean i mean i'll applaud it but i mean you know you didn't fake out a
goalie that's
it's garbage time they got all the starters on the bench it's garbage time it's
garbage time
fucking uh i you know what you have you ever uh that's it i've done it i've had
it done to me
i found out later that she did it to me i got man i was just like who gives a
fuck it was over
it was over it's more more than not whatever time you're in a relationship is
it was over
a half like if you're in four years it's been done for two years if that makes
sense relate i would
say a year and a half year and a half breakups just don't happen overnight you
don't wake up like
you know i'm fucking out of here you draw it out you start to get distance you
start fucking there
should be a fucking course in how to break up in in high school funny in high
school they should
they should teach young people how to do it it would be so much better i think
just so you don't
fucking drag someone along or you don't get dragged along all you had to do is
you just got to sit down
i remember one time i had to get out of a relationship and i remember uh uh steve
burn had just got out of
one this was like fucking you know years ago 20 25 years ago right and uh not
25 like 20 years ago
and i literally asked him i was like what did you say he goes i just sat down
and said i just said i'm
not happy that's what he started with and i've given that advice on here
because i used that i don't
think i ever told him that i just fucking used it i don't i don't like that i
we need to tell i'm just not
like yeah i just you know it's it's just not working it just doesn't feel right
i'm not happy
yeah and this is the thing but this is the thing you have to get it all out
yeah and i think we should
break up and you gotta you like i think you just go boom boom it's like monkey
bars boom boom boom
get across it and then you say we're gonna break up and then she's gonna drag
you through it like 50
fucking times it's like lying to the cops you just stick to your fucking story
yeah it's but that whole
i'm not happy i've heard it and i've said it it it usually drags out for seven
more months no
it does no but that's you it's no oh we're not happy it's not working out we
need to break up
you know i want to break up what the fuck it's done yeah no i get it i get it
but it never works
that way usually the other person's like no we can work this out then that's
when you have to go
al madrigal uh what listen well if you're living together yeah if you're living
together it's hard
then it's hard then you're not living together you have to go al madrigal what
what now and i'll never
told you that no i want to know dude al had a breakup one time this chick had
some shit at his house he
knew he was going to break up with her before he broke up he said he told her
hey i'm going to come
over tonight i think we need to talk about some things so she's like oh okay he
fucking got a box
packed all her shit up that was at his apartment walked over set the box down
and said we got to
break up it's not working dude it was fucking clean
yeah over that's that's easy for al because al's a fucking maniac like he does
he when he has his
learn from maniacs no i love maniacs i'm kind of a maniac i are i am kind of a
maniac i'm a psycho
when it comes when it comes to breaking up uh they've never been good no they're
never good
that's why you got to get through it if you live with them it's harder if you
don't live with them
it's easy and that's why people fucking hang in and then they start cheating
and they're doing all
of this fucking shit because they're basically mentally broken up so that woman
there essentially
didn't even like as far as like and on an emotional level yeah didn't fucking
on a physical
level she cheated but on an emotional level she didn't because she already
fucking broke up with
the guy she was done yeah i find that when women are done they're done here's
one here's here's one
when you know the other person was already fucking other people okay when you
someone breaks up with
you and they're not even crying like that means they already cried it out with
their fucking friends
they got no tears left and it's just like wow man this how long is this shit
yeah you know i've never
cried at a breakup i can't and they get guys don't cry they get all all the
girl all my ex-girlfriend
all all my ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend they're like they cry they cry i was
like because they're
fucking i don't know i was gonna say the other word so i'm glad i did it but uh
i would have known this is how i know this is how i know this is how i know
when it's done
when they don't kiss you goodbye in the morning like because i don't get up for
work this is how
i know it's done when when they're mad at you and you don't give a fuck yeah
yeah you're like
yeah and then they come in and they start doing the cold shoulder yeah you're
like and they're not
fucking you it's just like and you're like good good no you're right you're
right because then you
start getting more productive because you got so much mental time oh there's
nothing worse than
getting dumped but there's if you're the one breaking up with someone i've dude
i've been on both sides
i've broken hearts i've had my heart broken oh it's brutal it's brutal i think
that's why i'm so numb
yeah just fucking numb but no i already know if my marriage never worked out i
would never get
married again and i would just give my wife fucking everything and then i would
just go i'll go live
in a fucking trailer my buddy i'm not doing it again i'm not getting on the
fucking ride again
yeah that's it now just fucking wherever she lives i'll just drive the trailer
down the street so i
can still see my kid you can send in one of those airpods you ever see those
things i don't know i would
i would get a fucking i'd buy one of those vw buses
no i get a studio i get all the sports packages that'd be it i i don't
electronic drum kit i just go
back to what the fuck i had i'm actually shocked that you got married to be
honest with you best
thing i ever did i money is great but it's weird it's i don't know i don't know
if i'm ever getting
married to be honest it's like i want to get married but i don't know if i'm
too you'll do it when
you're ready yeah i'm 42 i wasn't married i got married at 45 i got three more
years
coming in it's great and then all of a sudden i'm like five years in i'm
already gonna turn 50
where the fuck am i going actually where am i going what am i gonna go back to
fucking
the club this hey ladies you're looking for a bald redhead oh god it's so sad i
saw
i see comics like that i don't i don't mention any names but when you see oh
believe me dude that
was a motivation i'm not gonna be the cliche yeah it's so fucking sad i was
like oh god
i don't oh it's so sad i don't like dating i don't i don't i can't tell you i
haven't dated since i
started doing stand-up really if that makes any sense like i meet girls and
then we just start
hanging out and then i send end up picking them that sounds weird you start
what we start hanging
out and then i just picked them i was like oh this is why i'm gonna hang out
with this one for a while
do they know that's what you're doing i don't know if they do yeah you need to
just listen the
best thing i haven't fucking learned is you just got to fucking say what you're
thinking
yeah yeah you know that's one of the reasons most of the women that i date like
me because i pretty
much say what i'm thinking that's all how happy would you be if a woman did
that it'd be fucking
amazing i'm not saying like hey you look ugly today i'm not saying that but i
mean like you
know don't don't be mean but like just say dude i'm in one time i a watersh