Name: Bill Burr | Bill Signing Autographs For A Fan
Uploaded: 2018-04-04T14:51:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Bill Signing Autographs For A Fan' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-04-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Bill Signing Autographs For A Fan' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-04-04. Transcript available.

anyways oh you know what's fucking hilarious i when i did the brady theater in
tulsa i pull up
and uh there's this one dude standing outside
you know the fucking the stage door all right and i got this thing i hate
meeting people before
the show after the show i don't give a fuck but before the show i i can't it
just it's weird to
me it's like i haven't done my fucking thing that i do so i'm thinking about
doing that
you know i don't know i i no problem after before it just weirds me out so i go
to and this guy goes
he's like hey bill big fail i'm getting married so i go to sign his fucking
shit and all of a sudden i
feel like this sticky thing like i had like syrup in my hand or something i
handed back the pen and i
look down and my fucking hand is just cut like the ink the pen exploded oh fuck
i look like i don't
know what i look like so i walk in and it's really like thick like black or
blue ink i went in the
bathroom and i'm like trying to scrub the skin off my fucking hand and um you
know del rey's laughing
at me and shit look at this shit you know my hands are so pasty so i got this
it's like my hands are in
blackface right so i'm fucking scrubbing this shit off and i was able to get
most of it off but there's
still like you know you can see the stain of it um i wish i talked about that
when i went out on stage
um but i didn't so i went out and i did the show and as i go to walk off the
stage who comes walking
down to the front of the stage hey bill blah blah blah blah i already met you i
already signed your
shit and i already got the ink all over my hand but he's getting married so i
go in and i say hey man
thank you i go you know good luck with your marriage and everything so then i
fucking walk out right
just talking to dean i'm like dude how fucking unbelievable is that theater he's
like oh you
know the sound is unbelievable crap about blah you know dean that show is fire
right so we go outside
and uh we go to leave the place there's like 10 or 15 people there right so i'm
fucking
hey guys thanks for coming out talking to people you know signing shit or
whatever and this
fucking guy comes up again and he wants me to sign more shit i'm thinking in my
head it's just
like this look at this guy coming back for fucking seconds i mean what you know
there's other people
here we already did this and i shook your hand so i go to sign something else
that he has and i
feel this sticky thing he gave me the same pen again and i was so stupid that i
went and i grabbed
the thing and i just looked at you you fucking asshole i go you got an exploded
pen here
and then he just starts laughing and now i got this on my hand my hands all the
exact same
almost in the exact same fingers and all that obviously i'm not ambidextrous
switching my hands
and i'm just like and dean's and then dean signed something for him so we both
walked back into the
car we got ink all over our hands the driver's laughing his off at us because
he saw me when i went in
going that fucking asshole had an exploded pen so as this is the thing as i go
to get in the car
the same dude who i already signed his got ink on my hand shook his hand after
the show
you know as i'm walking off stage shook his hand signed more got more exploded
ink in my hand he then goes he goes hey bill do you got a po address that i can
send these things to
these pictures i took on his cell phone i just go no you fucking asshole i got
it all over my hand again
and he just starts laughing and then i felt bad i go good luck with your
marriage and we get in the
cars we're driving away and i just was just riffed about the poor woman that is
going to marry that
fucking guy you know because there was something about him you couldn't get mad
at him but i really think
that that exploding pen was a fucking omen
you know that he was just going to be like i don't know jesus christ