Name: Bill Burr | Artisan Ice Cream
Uploaded: 2018-05-22T13:46:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Artisan Ice Cream' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-05-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Artisan Ice Cream' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-05-22. Transcript available.

oh i had a hilarious thing happen to me i put almost in san francisco right so
i'm eating like
an asshole i went to this vietnamese restaurant i never eat vietnamese food i
don't know why i'm
a creature of habit i'll eat sushi and i'll eat like you know chinese food and
i'll eat indian
food oh i'll dance all around that continent but for some reason like vietnamese
food
you know i'm like i don't know about that i don't know
thai food i had a long time ago and i got food poisoning off it so i wouldn't i
can't eat it
for like 10 years and then also i always get the same fucking thing because the
the the menu's just
overwhelming because i i don't know what anything is and i don't want to make a
mistake so i always
get the uh what the is it called i don't know nia knows what it is and she goes
you're going to get
this thing again and every time i get sushi i get the exact same sushi spicy
yellowtail hand roll or
something else and a salmon avocado some edamame right you get the same thing
every time i know i
know i do i realize that i got these things they work for me i'm afraid to
venture into other parts
of the menu you got me right so i never had vietnamese food so i was like the
whole thing was
like like what is it like what are they gonna it's always the same beef chicken
and pork
and just how they dress it up so i'm like all right so i went in there i got
this chicken sandwich
i saw these shredded carrots on top of it i was like oh my god that's gonna be
gross and i ate it and it
was delicious so anyways but you know the chicken was kind of fried i told you
i ate bad oh i ate bad
and um so now i got the salt going through my veins and uh up the street there
was an ice cream place
so this is how off the rails i was on my dials like ah i'm gonna go up to the
ice cream place
so i walk in there
and it's one of these new agey ice cream uh artisan ice cream whatever the that
means all i know is when
it says artisan if you're an old guy like me you're not going to recognize any
of the flavor
flavors they had like some like i was just looking for chocolate vanilla
strawberry the old school
they don't have any of that they got like potato chips in it and they got one
was
like chocolate uh chocolate rose leaf or something if anybody can tell me what
the that is
so i just looked at i was just like what the is this i wasn't there an ice
cream
store around the corner i'll go to that one maybe that's an old school one and
i walked into that one
same they had six flavors i couldn't i couldn't remember any of them
today if you had a gun to my head so i say to the lady i just go uh hey do you
got mint chocolate
chip she goes no it's not in season i was like what do you mean it's not in
season
and she turns around she's like megan when's when's mint chocolate chip gonna
be in season
and the lady comes up she's like i think july how ridiculous in season
it's like you're serving ice cream this leads to diabetes this is poison your
body doesn't need this
there's a lot of studies out there right now that are saying sugar is a carcinogen
you know that's just what the you're serving people whoa but it's fresh
this is in season cancer right so you know what i did i was like this i just
walk out
i just said okay thank you and i walk out right and you know what i did i just
went
to the same place that old people get their ice cream i went to walgreens i
went to a pharmacy
right and all you got to do is find wherever the photo mat developing place is
and you see about
eight old people there with like insta insta cameras whatever the hell those
things used to be
and right to the left of it or to the right of it will be ice cream and i went
there and i
walked right in i saw haagen-dazs mint chocolate chip i bought a whole pint i
didn't want it
you know i just wanted a small cup so i bought the whole pint and i was so
tempted to walk back
to that ice cream store i'd be like hey ladies it's in season
but i didn't and then i went back to the hotel room and even though i was good
after eating like a
third of it like i didn't have a freezer or anything it was gonna go bad and my
mother taught me not to
waste so i plowed through the whole thing ate a pint of ice cream in like the
middle of the day
and my body was just like in all right dude this is what we're doing and i i
couldn't get out of bed
for like the next three hours
sugar went through the roof my unnatural sugar evidently when what what season
is sugar in
what's when is sugar in season is what i should ask um so there you go all
right if you're old
and you need ice cream you want some ice cream at this point i would suggest
going to the grocery store
or going to a pharmacy drugstore they have the old school
chocolate vanilla strawberry mint chocolate chip butter pecan all those old
ones okay and i don't
want to be a asshole old guy so i respect the young people and their new crazy
flavors
you know where they take other desserts and they stick it in there
you know candy bars and brownies and it's just like it's it's redundant
um although i will smoke a cigar drink some smoky scotch so i don't know i don't
know what
anyways i guess that was my uh you know what's the deal with ice cream sort of
story