Name: Bill Burr | The Chicken Intelligence Saga
Uploaded: 2020-07-17T11:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | The Chicken Intelligence Saga' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | The Chicken Intelligence Saga' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-17. Transcript available.

i told you i saw that fucking thing where they were saying chickens can count
to 10
they can see more colors than we can you know what number do you think they
needed to count to
so we wouldn't eat them you know there's a fine line between getting eaten and
not getting eaten
by human beings and furthermore there's a fine line between being
an animal that is now not eaten and now you also have a job
you know it's like horses are psyched that we don't eat them at least in this
country we don't
all right for whatever fucking reason i mean horses if you really look at them
are just good
looking cows you know nice long necks got the beautiful feathered hair you know
cows are just
sort of like the you know their fat cousin sloppy tits hanging all over the
place she's a good time
though right
uh hey billy boy hey billy boy in june i'm in your oh this is an amazing thing
i i was talking about
i there was all this shit about chickens how chickens can count up to 10 they
can see more colors than us
so i was saying if you have a bunch of chickens and you're going to kill one
you got to make sure you
have over 10 so they don't get wise to it right because they'll just start over
again like one two
three four five six seven i think everybody's here right they stop at 10
you could have a thousand chickens and kill 990 you got to kill 991 before
these stupid chickens
figure it out right um in your june 18th podcast you said you were bothered by
eating chickens even
though they have the intelligence of a two-year-old did i say it was or it wasn't
is that worded
correctly i don't remember what i said you said at what reading level would it
take to get you to stop
eating a chicken oh it wasn't me all right my family has been raising chickens
for generations
and let me give you the other side of the story oh god everybody gets their
feelings
as an owner of chickens um of all of all of the barnyard animals chickens are
easily the stupidest
i love it i always heard pigs are smart i heard cows are smart too i heard
horses are smart but
they're a little full of themselves anybody else they got that nice mane you
know they think
this shit doesn't stick um of all the barnyard animals chickens are easily the
stupidest
they are little better than lizards raising chickens is a constant battle to
keep these feathered
idiots from killing themselves or each other people outside i mean they really
are just a food source
you know what i mean they can't run fast they can't fucking fly and they're
delicious
you know god knew what he was doing when he made it uh but the poultry uh
people outside of the poultry
business may not know this like how he said the poultry business you know he's
talking shopping
so you know just in case you know you must keep me on my heels here but one of
the most common causes
of chicken death is cannibalism i'm not making this up oh my god god bless this
guy whether this is
even true or not does it even matter nowadays this is fucking great i'll never
feel guilty again eating
chicken while toddlers also require constant attention to make sure they are
safe there is little
danger of a poorly supervised daycare turning into a cannibal holocaust oh he
uses a holocaust word
um have you ever noticed how veganism is much more popular among city people
than rural
some would say that it is due do uh has to do with education but i believe it's
because people who are
closer to animals have fewer illusions about how human they are enjoy your
roast chicken the cannibal
chickens would happily join in you join you in your meal greetings from the
sticks oh buddy how can you
bring it up and not give me i want to hear the stories this guy has to write
back i want to hear
the ed dean stories of these fucking chickens eating each other wow i mean what
is their excuse when
the chicken cop show up well he's fucking chicken chicken intelligent continue
intelligence continue
this uh this is so fascinating to me chickens can count up to 10 which is what
i said that's why you
should have at least 11 chickens so if you want to kill one and eat it they won't
fucking notice
one two three four five six seven eight nine ten how many do we have we we had
at least 10 i know
we had at least 10 all right hey bill i listened to your podcast at the troubadour
and i gladly gave
them a donation thank you so much for doing that and yes the sound could have
been better but you know
but you know that all right you read my email about chickens coincidentally you
read it on my birthday
well there you go and you complain that i left out all the gory ed gene details
of chicken cannibalism
usually people don't like hearing that stuff but i forgot that you were
enjoying watching videos of
animals killing each other i found it more fascinating um so this sort of thing
but i can watch him kill
it i can't watch him hold it down and start eating i can't do that all right so
this sort of thing is
right up your alley here we go uh when chickens see a wounded chicken their
instinct is to peck the
chicken to death and eat it maybe that instinct helped them against predators
long ago somehow
but it is a nuisance now chickens are often injured by being pecked at by other
chickens that are stressed
and an amazing list of things can stress them and trigger an orgy of cannibalism
too lean of a diet
too rich of a diet not enough fiber in the diet changing the model of their
feeder
moving them to another pen too much sunlight jesus christ these things are
temperamental
putting different colored chickens in the same pen and they're racist they get
curious and start pecking at
adding new chickens in an occupied pen which confuses the pecking order boredom
accidentally leaving any cannibalized chicken remains in a pen
they are especially set off by any sight of blood
with laying hens sometimes there is a trace of blood when they lay eggs
and there is a chance that other hens will peck the new mother to death
and eat her instead of giving her a proper baby shower what the fuck
one way to stop the blood fury is in chickens is to use a special red light
bulb in the pen
which makes them unable to see the color of blood
does that work with serial killers like if they work in one of those little
photo mats
developing photos do they stop having the urge to kill people
my grandfather would often put a red tinted cellophane cover on the main window
that had the same effect
and that would calm them down also if a chicken is wounded there are wound
paints that can be used
to hide the blood and they are also and they are they also are designed to
taste terrible to help stop
the pecking another option that my grandfather used was to try and spot the
most aggressive chickens
and make a chicken dinner out of them
there is also a problem with laying hens when they start somehow discovering
that eggs are delicious
and start eating them
when the ruined eggs are discovered the offending chicken
has to be quickly caught and killed
another chicken dinner
before the other hens become curious and start copying her behavior
again no one should feel any guilt about eating chickens since they they too
enjoy eating chickens
uh still in the sticks go fuck yourself
hey um they never tell you this shit all these people who want to have fucking
you know chickens and shit in their backyard
so they can give organic eggs they don't realize that they're gonna have
all right chicken cannibalism cannibalism
videos do i do it
cannibal chickens how to stop cannibalism and chickens
cannibalism or aggressive pecking
oh my god here's a minute 40 video
hi this is marjorie wildcraft and on this edition of homesteading basics
we're gonna go to the really dark and gruesome side
and talk about are chickens cannibals
this is not the right music
are chickens cannibals
all right
marjorie wildcat if you don't show me a pen
a fucking chicken
pecking another one
shut up
just shut up marjorie
you're talking too much
here we go
oh my god
55 seconds in
oh my god
what the fuck
dude this
i want to assure you that these chickens were not under
that chicken was not under any duress at all
there was plenty of grain
plenty of water
plenty of forage
they are doing this by choice
they really see this as a high quality protein source
and um
that is just the reality of life on the homestead
dude god bless farmers
i swear to god
the shit that they see
so we don't have to fucking see it
now with youtube
i just saw it
you know
they bring food to your fucking table
and all of that shit
god bless them
god bless them
what in the fuck did i just watch
they just did
wow