Name: Bill Burr | Ex-Wife Wants New Boyfriend to Pick Up Birdhouse
Uploaded: 2020-08-05T11:00:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Ex-Wife Wants New Boyfriend to Pick Up Birdhouse' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Ex-Wife Wants New Boyfriend to Pick Up Birdhouse' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-05. Transcript available.

divorced after six months it sounds like a fucking sitcom that didn't get
picked up
divorced after six months we shot a pilot but it uh didn't work out uh dear
billy bald balls
love the podcast and hearing your take on situations that being said i need
some advice
oh wait a minute he fucking he lobbed it over the net come on come on where is
it oh by the way
rest in peace peter green one of the greatest fucking guitarists of all time
and the only
reason why i know anything about him is because of uh mark maron mark maron was
the guy that taught
me about him now why can't i get to my fucking songs here tv show music music
music there we go
library library i'm never gonna have a professional podcast you guys just gonna
have to fucking deal
with that fact all right this guy just asked for advice it's time for advice
hey that's me
somebody else all right the hypocrite here he goes the hypocrite uh divorced
after six i need some
advice my ex and i dated for five years and i just knew she was the one after
nearly a year of being
engaged we decided to get married after only six months of being married i came
i come home the friday
before christmas after working all day to an empty house with no warning and
when i say empty i mean
nothing but my clothes were still there oh my god like she paid for everything
we don't have any children
but of course i reached out to her with no success asking if she'd be willing
to go to counseling
in hopes of working things out and still no response i don't want to blame the
victim here but what did you do
um a few days later i noticed she posted a status on facebook about me claiming
i was mentally
and physically abusive to her and continued to explain to everyone on facebook
that's why she left me
and that she was unhappy the whole nearly seven years that we were together why
did she have to go on
facebook and tell everybody oh this is why i soon find out she was cheating on
me the whole time we
were married with the guy she worked with we finally decided to move forward
with the divorce but in my
state we have to be separated a year before we can finalize the divorce so here's
the kicker when my ex
left me she forgot a birdhouse that her now deceased grandfather built her i
texted her and told her
she could come by and get it or i could bring it to her or aren't you a nice
guy considering she took
the tvs and everything but she insisted that her boyfriend comes to get it i
told her that wouldn't
work oh yeah dude you could fucking crown that guy with the fucking birdhouse
yeah that's not a good
situation you might snap uh since then she tried to get alimony and tried to
take my house that i owned
before we were married with no success thank god all in the name of the birdhouse
that she claims i won't
give her so my question is should i be the bigger person and let her boyfriend
come and get the birdhouse
or should i keep it just to prove a point to cunt whore uh hope you can help me
out with this and
always as always go fuck yourself uh no dude um this is the thing about uh
women when you break up with
them or they break up with you you got to get them the fuck out of your life it's
a cancer you got to
it's a fucking birdhouse okay and here's the deal that guy who's with that that
that woman i think you
called her cunt whore i don't know if that's her first and last name or her
first and a middle name
um he's with her now okay and now he has that's like what about bob i always
use that analogy just
pass her on just you know just give give him the fucking birdhouse keep your
house let that guy lay in
bed with her knowing how he got her okay and at some point you know you
probably end up doing the same
thing to him uh which is not your fucking problem this is what you do you give
him the birdhouse
you know i don't that's that's that's a tough this is what i would do uh
uh you can't just leave it out because then you look like a bitch when the when
the guy comes to uh
the door i i still wouldn't say anything just hand him the fucking birdhouse
yeah she's what a
fucking cunt whore because she's making you look at the person she was fucking
while you guys were
married uh all right dude this is the thing you this is what you have to do in
life when shit like
this happens okay because i think she's trying to bait you into swinging on
this guy okay and then
somehow i don't know what there'll be some new fucking law that if you punch
the man that was
fucking your wife while you were married to her she somehow gets your house
that you own before you
guys were married like there'll be some sort of legislation probably in the
works okay so i think
she's trying to bait you into doing something stupid here so the stupid move is
to keep the birdhouse
the even dumber move is to take the birdhouse and smash it over that guy's head
all right the smart
move here is to give that poor bastard who's now with this cunt whore at the
birdhouse and guess what
they fucking walk away you know and you go crack open a cold one and thank your
lucky fucking stars you
never had a kid with her dude she's gone she's out of your fucking life okay
and you move on and find
the good person that you deserve all right and just be lucky that you live in
the state that you live in
that actually let you keep your fucking house okay that's it all right um
i mean granted i just got your side of the story but i think
you're either dealing with the psycho or somebody who just didn't know how to
break up with somebody
and just kept moving to the next level of the fucking relationship and then
didn't know how to get out
of it and then did it in a totally immature fucking way that is not the mature
way to fucking break up
with somebody i mean i'm all for clearing your shit out but when the person
comes home you have to be
there okay so it's a clean break so you don't have to fucking then be living
together and just going
through this fucking bullshit i mean you don't have to put your if you're gonna
break up with somebody
you got to do it face to face but you don't have to fucking draw it out for
months on fucking end
so the first half that she did cleared the fucking place out i don't have a
problem with that unless
it's shit that you also paid for that's a little fucked up but that's how women
operate and guys
don't give a fuck whatever you can always get another fucking table who gives a
shit right but i'm telling
you right now it seems to me like she is trying to bait you into something and
i also think on some
level you kept the birdhouse out of spite uh just let it go give the birdhouse
to that fucking jerk
off he can go get with cunt whore and you can you can you know you can be with
somebody else who gives
a fuck dude they're out of your life that is a small small fucking price to pay
um and then you know
what she can focus all that psycho fucking energy on this new fucking guy you
know because what's funny
is in his head he thinks that he's winning you know so i mean they kind of
deserve each other
in a way right um and then they'll bang and they'll have a kid and he'll be a
banker someday