Name: Bill Burr - FMTV | The Fresh Box Saga
Uploaded: 2020-08-28T11:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - FMTV | The Fresh Box Saga' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - FMTV | The Fresh Box Saga' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-28. Transcript available.

uh anyways i'm a 23 year old woman from london and i love your podcast oh thank
you i'm crushing
it with the 23 year old ladies this week uh you always say you want to hear
from more of us ladies
i do because it gets too one one-sided so here i am i would love your advice on
my current
situation my parents were quite strict when i was growing up so i never i have
never been on a date
before yeah i would say that goes a little beyond quite strict i would say suffocating
i still live
at home i'm studying for my masters they are less strict now as my brother is
now married
and they are now more comfortable with me dating well what the fuck is their
problem
hey dude that's that's like sad you should you know i'm not saying go out and
fucking you know
get gang banged here but you know go out and you know go on a date experience
finding love losing it
and fucking that weird thing when you finally erase their number out of their
phone i mean i i can't
out of your phone i can't believe you missed all that anyways i'm studying part-time
and i am working
for the rest of the time how do i go about meeting new people the people i work
with are all in their
mid-40s and don't really socialize outside of work any advice would be
appreciated all right number one
don't fuck any of those 40 year olds okay you work with them and they're old
don't do it
okay god knows where the fuck those old dicks have been stay away from them all
right you're like a
fucking one of those you know you know those those nerds by the uh star wars
action figures and it's
a big thing if the box has never been open your box has never been open all
right it's worth a lot
of money there um and also you're asking me how to meet people when i've been
out of the dating scene
for like 15 years i'm 50 years old and at no point in my life was i still
living at home studying for
my masters while having a job i love that you felt enough about me that you
thought at some point
in my life i attained that level of success and was that pressed for time um
how do i go about
meeting new people don't you guys just like go on apps dating apps you know
what i'm actually i'm
gonna phone a friend on this one the rest of the podcast listeners guys how do
you do it ladies i
should ask the ladies how in this day and age could someone with a vagina 23
year old vagina that has
not had the seal broken yet how can they go out into the dating world avoid the
dirty dicks
and actually have a nice entry into the dating world a positive experience that's
gonna make
her not be jaded and think that maybe her parents were right for fucking you
know keeping her chained
to a radiator for the first quarter century of her life uh how should she go
about doing i i think
feel like dating apps there's a lot of guys on there just trying to fuck you
know and then there's
no no that's that app that's that app where people are just trying to hook up
this app is the more
serious app well what's to prevent someone to go on there and just act like
they're looking for a
relationship when they just want to ban you so um the first thing i would say
if you have the time
is you need some sort of uh
activity that you're involved in that involves you uh socializing with uh you
know men and women
basically i don't know what it is you know going to bars getting hammered and
shit that's usually
not gonna you're not gonna meet a nice guy there for the most part uh i would
say i don't know
join a softball league you meet a lot of women there um volleyball what was i
mean i'm old
fucking start riding a dirt bike maybe you'll meet some guys out there on the
trail
uh the dusty dicks i i mean i don't i don't know i don't know how to help you
here i'm sorry uh
i i yeah i gotta i gotta phone a friend here you guys gotta help me out here
help this lady
okay put on on in in the subject put uh
uh what are we
23 fresh box all right fresh box 23 let's call it that
all right and you send email me your advice okay and then we can fucking figure
it out uh we can help
this lady out because uh you know i have empathy for you that you're late to
the game i i showed up
late to the game i showed up at about fucking halftime all right fresh okay so
here we go here's some
women helping out fresh box 23 uh okay because her vagina is fresh there isn't
any dirty dicks in there
and she's 23 years old that's right fresh box 23 was in the subject okay all
right clam podcast listener
all right uh hey there bilbo baggins i'm a fellow clam podcast listener
responding to the 23 year old lady
who wrote on your uh monday morning podcast uh don't go on them don't go on
them dating apps
most of them just want to bang or they are closet gay men or they are serial
killers who still live
with their moms i also did not date until my mid-20s for the same reason and i
found that the most
effective way to meet guys was to get a bunch of single girlfriends and go
speed dating
you get to meet these men in the flesh and see them sweating in their shirts
awkwardly palming
their sweaty drinks where do you go speed dating uh it's funny and endearing
and you'll have a better
chance getting matched to a human being the fact that they were nervous i would
think that there
there's something about them that they're a better guy you know i can't say a
better guy but then you
don't want to be all nervous when they're going out in the job world it's a
difficult difficult
thing trying to pick the right person anyways other options are to join a
church group that does charity
work or meet a that's a good day you meet somebody or a fellow studious working
professional at school
but don't bang anyone at work that's how i'm now that's how i met my now soon
to be ex-husband
oh my god so you just gave all of this great advice and then you have a failed
relationship at the end
what is she supposed to do i think there was some good things there join a
church group that does
charity work maybe not through the church if you're not into that shit do some
charity work
but then uh just make sure you you vet because that's also where i would think
a psycho might go
to try to try to get some you know you know some open-minded slash a little
naive when it comes to
street smarts always have your guard up uh oh did i mention i saw that movie
eighth grade did i tell
you that and i didn't i didn't i went to go see it i didn't even know bo burnham
directed it i just
heard it was good and god damn it i wanted to see a movie and i went to go see
it and it's it's
fucking great it's great there's one scene in there that is excruciating to
watch but i think
it's important that uh you know like pre-teen teen girls see it uh because
there's it's really a a i
don't know it's fucking brutal there's a lot of creeps out there all right but
it doesn't get you
know it gets creepy enough but not to the point where you're like i wish i
never saw this fucking movie
um but it's uh you know the way it was handled i thought was was was perfect
and uh it's great to
see a fucking comedian out there directing a movie that good huh everybody
thinks all we could do is
jump around talking about our dicks look at that look at bo burnham crushing it
um so go check that
out support a fellow comedian and support cinema live cinema uh all right fresh
box 23 hey billy bobble dick
that's a great one i freaking love your podcast you're truly the inner monologue
in my head for
almost every scenario in my life i find myself in i'm a 29 year old from dorchester
dot av dude dorchester mass and i'm a biology student in a committed
relationship my advice to this broad
from england looking for love dating apps are what i would describe as a last
resort and i believe that's
something that i suggested to her maybe i'm just old school but the reality is
most people on dating apps
are most people in real life these days uh what you see on bumble is what you
see in real life
there's not really one app that's better than the other they all house most of
the douchebaggery in the
world so what's the difference meet people platonically is what i would suggest
who wants
a baby daddy from tinder all right well how does she do this but hey who am i
to judge get some
girlfriends then they introduce you to single friends at a fucking barbecue or
some shit like that
i do know some girlfriends who have met their husbands off dating sites but hey
come to think of it their
husbands seriously suck seriously suck just so many dicks on so many levels all
right so i think dating
apps is out that's what i've learned so far keep on keeping on i can't wait to
see you at the garden oh
wait wait that's it so what was your advice okay basically stay away from the
dating apps it seems like
you get with a group of girlfriends you go out in a herd as the guys are in the
tall grass peeking up
waiting to find a weak one and i guess somehow you i don't know anyways um
wait let me just read the rest of this keep on keeping on i can't wait to see
you at the garden in
october bill you redheaded stepchild and hey england broad it's it'll get
easier just stick your tits out
there and it it's like flies to honey you'll quickly realize how easy it is um
all right there's a lot of
advice in a lot of different directions in there but you know she's studying
biology and she's from
dorchester so she's getting a lot of mixed signals there all right fresh box 23
from a lady
dear billy big tits i just finished listening to your podcast from august 6th
and i have a few
suggestions for the girl who's late to the dating game i'm only 21 but i'm
certainly not fresh out of
the box and i know a few things number one use bumble not tinder okay now she's
saying she's saying
dating app on bumble the girls have to message first so you can do some
flirting
oh so you can do all that flirting you can do some filtering out of dudes who
seem creepy without
feeling pressured to respond to a message tinder is good if you want to get
laid if you're trying
to weed out the guys who just want to get their dicks wet tell them you're
saving yourself until
marriage you can always change your mind later uh quote oh so you just tell
them you're saving
yourself till marriage and that just makes a bunch of most of the guys will
just who are just looking
to get laid i guess we'll leave you alone anyways number two my friends love to
pit me out i'm sure
if you ask yours they would too three like bill said find an activity lots of
cities have sports leagues
that could that could be a good place to spark to start thanks and go fuck
yourself i really think
out of all the advice that i just read there i would say stay away from all
dating apps and i you need
to get a hobby you need to carve out some time some social time and like you
know some sort of sport
charity work um a cooking class just get yourself out there where it's like
those are really good i feel
like there's a lot of uh decent people in those things sports you know you
could find the controlling
type a dick but you know that guy else is going to crush it a lot of times in
the real world so
depends on if you want an in-ground pool or not i don't know what you're
looking for
um but there you go there's some advice for you good luck and don't settle all
right don't settle
the guy's being a dick fuck him there's there's you know there's going to be a
good guy out there
for you you don't ever have to fucking settle send it back this food's too cold