Name: Bill Burr - FMTV | Boyfriend Keeps Texting His Ex
Uploaded: 2020-09-04T11:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - FMTV | Boyfriend Keeps Texting His Ex' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - FMTV | Boyfriend Keeps Texting His Ex' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-04. Transcript available.

all right boyfriend is fucking up big time okay hey bill lady listener here i
love when the ladies
write in desperate for some relationship help so i'm getting straight to the
point
my boyfriend is about to lose me and i'm desperate to get through to him we are
30 been together two
years both want to eventually marry each other have babies together etc the
issue we need to
help with is his ex-girlfriend they dated for three years broke up then
remained extremely close
friends yeah that that's fucking bullshit they had been broken up for a little
over a year when i
initially came into the picture my boyfriend told me about her but originally
told me they were friends
and completely failed to mention that they were once a couple all right okay
and you were 28 at the
time so i'll forgive you all right but now you're 30 and you got to read the
tea leaves here i don't
need to read the rest of this i actually but i will i actually found out from
her because she saw us
flirting on instagram and then messaged me she's a nice enough woman who now
lives with her boyfriend
of the last two years i've met her several times and while i didn't
particularly love the way she looks
at my man i'm not going to be a bitch about it either oh you are not being a
bitch on any level
what you are being is too fucking accommodating
she and i used to text quite a bit quite often oh god she's probably milking
you for information
but that has come to an abrupt stop because i've been become fed up with how
close she and my boyfriend
still are are you going to tell me at night you're sitting there watching tv
with him and she calls and then he
talks to her for like 20 30 40 minutes in the beginning of our relationship
they would hang
out constantly they lived in california and lived in colorado and i lived in
colorado so my boyfriend
and i were in a long distance relationship for over a year until he recently
moved to colorado started
life with me uh when he was still living in california he and his ex would go
out to eat go shopping go to
concerts or even go on road trips together now what are the odds that they
weren't still fucking at that
point they had a shared hobby of photography so they would often take photos of
each other as well
yes this became an issue a huge issue i would i would say things like i get
that you guys are friends
but i feel like you are going on a date like things with her when you are
dating me and he would always
reply with i wish i could take you but i can't because of the distance so am i
supposed to never go out and
do anything oh my god fuck this guy and he would guilt me and then manipulate
the situation until i
essentially had to be okay with it yeah okay you know i gotta be honest with
you this is you
this isn't him he's a cunt but i mean you gotta fucking come on maybe the fact
that i'm reading
your own words out loud right now you can see how obvious this is yeah yeah
fuck this guy fast forward
to now obviously they don't hang out like they used to due to him moving to
colorado but they still text
all the time i've talked to my boyfriend about this and how it bothers me i say
look i know you
and whoever were very close she's a good person so are you i know you guys have
a lot of history
and i know that i knew about her from the beginning of our relationship but he
wasn't honest with you about it
did you ever ask him that how come he didn't say you fucking used to date this
person
you shifty cunt however what i didn't realize is how close you two would remain
maybe i'm naive naive but i thought that naturally as you and i grew closer you
and so and so would
grow more distant and you would focus only on our relationship bill and i'm in
my eyes i'm pretty
cool girlfriend for knowing that my man and his ex are close friends but they
are pushing the
inappropriate boundaries here they the boundaries have been obliterated
sweetheart there's no reason
two exes would be constantly texting unless they still love each other or they
want to fuck there you go
there you go i'm glad you said that when i tell him i'm not cool with him
living with me what wait when
i tell him i'm not cool with him living with me but always texting her his
response is you knew about
her from the beginning she was there for me when my grandpa died and i know we've
had sex and been
in love but i swear i see her as nothing but a friend now dude fuck this limp
dick fucking this guy's
annoying but we fight all the time because i feel like i'm in some fucked up
triangle that's because
you are not to mention she's way too nose nosy for my comfort level she will
text me when are you guys
going to have babies and other shit oh jesus and other shit that doesn't
involve her when i tell him
this he automatically defends her and says she's not nosy she's nice
oh jesus christ why don't you nice you fucking hairy ass back to california
all right get the fuck yeah fuck get fuck this guy this still goes on how long
is this fucking thing
jesus christ uh anyways he's been in colorado for a few months now and misses
family so he plans on
making a quick weekend trip back to california i asked him are you going to
focus on family
and lo and behold he says well i'm going to see so and so while i'm out there
so without freaking him
out without freaking out i tell him okay i get it you want to see her and catch
up but in my eyes
there's absolutely no reason you guys need to be alone so please arrange
something with a group with her
a group or with her boyfriend there as well he proceeds to tell me how
controlling i am i told him
it's not about control it's about respecting your partner i sure as hell would
never expect him to
be cool with me going out one-on-one with an ex after days and days of fighting
he told me
exact quote here out of respect for you i'll try to make sure it's not me and
her alone but if it
happens you can't be mad bill i love this man why can i ask you why he's a good
soul but this is
right now it's it it is a mountain on top of a bottomless pile of bullshit
tell me i'm not the only one who feels exes have no place in our relationship
he's an avid listener
and i honestly think he would listen to you please tell me oh don't have him
listen to this shit
please tell him he's fucking this up big time or maybe i'm in the wrong my
heart is telling me i
shouldn't have to put up with this shit but call it as you see it thanks yeah
dump this guy
dump this guy yesterday
fuck it i think he's still fucking her
i wouldn't put my life savings on it but if they said you had to put 80 of your
money one way or the
other he's they're still banging give me a fucking break give me give me uh
yeah you remember that
fucking joke in goodfellas what am i gonna say that my wife two times me
it sounds better in italian what does it mean i mean it means that he's content
to be a jerk
like you're that person in that street joke all right
and you are way too big a fucking sweetheart and you're not an asshole
i i don't know what to tell you other than get the fuck out of that yesterday
yeah spend some alone time with her get back together with her get the fuck out
of here
i'd rather be with somebody that wants to be with me
how the fuck is somebody sitting there texting their ex all the time and you
bring it up and
you're controlling yeah yeah if you if you stay in that situation uh you have
no one to blame but
yourself okay like that yeah i don't i don't know if i had any more if i had
any more hair on top of
my head i would i would have pulled it out during that fucking thing granted uh
there's no even
granted in it it's oh jesus christ let me just read these fucking advertising
and try to forget that
fucking situation.