Name: Bill Burr | Sh*t Guys Do
Uploaded: 2020-10-07T11:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Sh*t Guys Do' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Sh*t Guys Do' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-07. Transcript available.

all right men suck too oh here we go finally the lady's writing in hey bill oh
it might be a gay
dude who knows hey bill love the podcast hope you and your family are doing
great i'm a lady
listener and i've been putting together this email for a while oh see see women
are smarter
guys just send it up she she's fucking you know like a paralegal here here we
go several months
ago i was listening to one of your old podcasts where you encourage women to
write in bashing men
in order to even it out yeah all right cool so since then i've been writing
things down
that i notice about men that i think are annoying or funny oh this is great the
list is below thanks
for the laughs and as always go fuck yourself okay this is another great one
all right ladies if you
want to write in this shit this is great and if you have a fucking job where
you deal with the
public i want to hear your top five dumbest things people said to you all right
um the way men turn
insecurity into anger guilty is charged here example he fucked up his parking
job and is embarrassed
so now he has to rant about how cities never make parking spots big enough for
trucks oh fuck that is
totally me except you said truck i mean i got an old truck but yeah i bitch
about my car because of the
cameras and shit uh you know it is embarrassing because i used to be really
good at parking i used
to be i used to be great at backing up i don't know what it is i cannot use the
backup camera i don't
understand it i can't tell if those yellow lines are my tires or represent the
side i think it's the
side of the car i have no fucking idea and i always flip up all right uh we
have to call erectile
dysfunction ed because men can't bear to hear the actual words uh we don't call
yeast infections why eyes
that's fucking hilarious but not to get technical just because you have a yeast
infection your pussy still
works right ed um erectile dysfunction uh you always say women enjoy hooking up
too i want to set the record
straight a woman hooking up with a guy is like a group of friends deciding to
go to times square for
new year's um it seems like it'll be a fun crazy night but it's really boring
and disappointing and you
feel pressured to act like you're enjoying yourself the whole time um well then
i i don't know that one
i just feel bad for you you never just had like a fucking you know connection
sexually with somebody
that didn't lead to a relationship
so you just lay there going oh wow we
um that just made me sad the other two are funny okay well i well then i wouldn't
you don't sound like
some people are like relationship people so then don't do that i mean i'm
basically a relationship
person i'm just scared of them all right going camping okay going camping they
become dictators
of the campsite have to prove to everyone they know how to start a fire and set
up a tent yeah i
would see that you got to that's that's some guy shit um yeah because what if
what if a bear comes
you know if a bear comes i now have to put that you behind me like somehow i
can fight off a bear
what i'm really hoping is is i i got an extra couple extra pounds on me so when
he finishes me
off he's full and will leave you alone um not getting out of the left lane when
there's a line
of cars behind them because they can't take the fact that there are people who
want to go faster than
them is this all the same guy this guy sucks in bed he's a cunt at the campground
i hate those
fucking people i hate those people my only thing i don't like on the highway is
if you fucking
drive 90 miles an hour and pass me on the right if i see you coming up on me i
get the fuck out of
the way now the younger me used to try and speed up and stay in front of you
and break check and do
stupid shit like that but now i just hey you know it's like you need to get
somewhere good on you
you're gonna meet the cops sooner than i do so they'll be writing you a ticket
so they won't care
that i'm only doing 75 all right a lot of men consider it a compliment to tell
a girl she's cool
enough to hang with uh to hang with the guys like oh fuck really i'm in oh my
god if you say that
that's hilarious um but it is a compliment you know it is a compliment but that's
the exact and
you're both you're both right the man is right it is a comp yeah you know you're
cool you can
actually hang out with you you're fucking cool that that is a rare thing but
the fact that you would
think to say oh fuck really am i in that's why you're cool because if you said
that every guy there
would start laughing because that's all we do to each other is what you're
doing there is you're
breaking balls which i don't know about you guys the way i'm wired like that is
the most endearing
thing somebody can do is come up and just start making fun of me you know
obviously if you're doing
it like from a hateful place i don't enjoy that it hurts my feelings but if you're
just trashing me
like all this shit right billy red balls all of that fucking all i know this
guy likes what i do
all right guys act like uh they're just so much less dramatic than girls but
they just sweep their
interpersonal problems under the rug and it slowly and slowly let it erode the
friendships while also
talking shit to their other friends oh yeah ding ding ding ding ding you know
what if you were on the
family feud right now i don't even like whatever you just did one two three
four five i think you
you nailed the top five or six or whatever you didn't get answer number 10 yet
you're crushing
these um the way that men don't like uh don't know oh the way that men don't
know what's bothering
them um personally speaking i know what's bothering me i just don't want to
tell you
because then you're going to be like well let's talk about it and then i have
to face my feelings
video games oh i 100 agree with that i got it i really have issues with people
in their 30s and
40s that are still playing video games and they got like a headset and all of
that dumb shit uh i don't
know i don't i don't i left those wait a minute no no it's not true i played
grand theft auto in my
30s grand theft auto 3 whenever the fuck that came out i played that so much
that i literally i've told
this before i just one day i was like i have to stop and i went and i unplugged
everything that could
be unplugged off my playstation 2 and just put it in the back of my closet
because i knew
that i'd never be able to figure out how to plug it back in again because
um oh this is funny i actually got that playstation 2 from a buddy of mine
who was really like this woman and he bought her a bunch of nice shit and all
she got him was like a
fucking hoodie and he got so mad he took her gifts back and one of them was
this playstation 2
so that he sold it to me for like 100 bucks so i didn't have the instructions
and what was funny was
like a few months later i ran into the woman that he liked she was just like
you know you have my
playstation 2 right i was like what the fuck are you talking about um and she
told me the story
anyways uh men love mentioning how long it's been since they cried dude i don't
even remember the
last time i cried uh yeah that's a bad thing that's what actually kills men um
because we deny
a arguably the biggest healing emotion there is you got to do it you got to let
it out yeah
guilty of that too i don't know who this woman is but i'd say you know she
knows guys pretty good
learning to play the guitar a little and then telling people they play guitar
skateboarding uh press pressing dick against ass in club oh you'd have to get
have a dick to
understand that uh they get those why a guy would do that if you had a dick you'd
be doing the same
thing uh they get those tires that are too big for their truck um oh the ones
that stick out yeah
those guys that are intentionally uh those guys that intentionally make their
cars louder
what's that about who's that for um that's for people who love cars i mean
there's certain people
that just want to do i mean you don't think it sounds cool i think it sounds
cool motorcycles it's so
you hear them because a lot of times you can't see them and so you don't hit
them but um
i don't know i i understand like the one i i like the muscle car sound i like a
ballsy truck sound but
i don't like those uh those ones that they put on the hondas and stuff they're
that high pitch
sounds like a lawnmower i don't understand those um or they sound like muted i
don't know all right
breaking shit while drunk
uh don't know how to buy gifts i'm guilty of that they think women can't tell
when they're
fake laughing or fake interested uh they make up 99 of people
oh they make up 99 of people who call into sports talk radio
uh what the patriots need to do is oh my god i fucking hate those shows uh
tribal tattoos
i want to say uh tribal tattoos went out in the 90s didn't they that's what i
picture when i think
of tribal tattoos well i don't know who you are man but you fucking crushed it
i was guilty of at least
80 percent of that um other than video games and skateboarding i think i was
guilty of all of that