Name: FMTV - Bill & Nia | Thirst Trapping on Instagram
Uploaded: 2020-11-13T12:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'FMTV - Bill & Nia | Thirst Trapping on Instagram' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'FMTV - Bill & Nia | Thirst Trapping on Instagram' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-13. Transcript available.

oh hello billy baldwin i get it i get it once again making me feel bad about my
moon-shaped head
um recently i've been posting pictures and videos on my instagram that are dot
dot dot not slutty
all right so right there they're of a risque okay hang on a second i gotta i
gotta clear my nose here
hang on a second all right this is just one of these things where if i lay down
my nose just fucking
just blocks up but if one second i stand up it's fine i don't understand it
anyways
all right so you're posting these pictures that are not slutty but i i wouldn't
show my parents
either well all right okay there is there's a window in there there's a window
in there because
they're gonna be like your dress is too short come on honey what are you doing
you're killing your
father right i'm 26 years old and i've been feeling very confident about myself
and my body good for you
i'm saying i wish i felt the same way about my head how can i when everybody
makes fun of it
i like my head and i don't care what i believe christina aguilera said it best
when she said
i am beautiful no matter what they say right and i believe her pussy was as
bald as the top of my
head judging by some of her outfits you know what i mean i mean the skirts were
so slow the hair would
be hanging out underneath right oh bill like why do you have to be so crass
because i'm not funny
you know when you're not funny you go right to the genitals i mean it's one of
the oldest
oldest is one of the oldest things in comedy i'm 26 years old i've been feeling
good about my body
i'm single with no boyfriend or even dating oh yeah have a good time go buy a
fucking suitcase full
condoms and uh jump on it i'm sorry anyways my friend okay anyways my friend
since i was 16
has told me that his wife has been uncomfortable with us talking because she's
seen my pictures
well yeah you sound like you're in the prime of your life you're obviously
crushing it
uh she told him she feels insecure and sees my pictures even before he does he's
expressed that
he may not be my friend anymore because of this well he's doing the right thing
you know happy wife
happy life hey she ain't happy nobody's gonna be happy um why doesn't he just
unfollow you can
just do that and you guys could be friends in a different way i don't know it's
weird that's all
weird i get where his wife's coming from uh she's you know my wife would send
somebody you know and
he's he's fucking posting banana hammock pictures i don't feel like i'm gonna
be too comfortable with
that right swing low sweet chariot sorry um she told me she feels insecure and
sees my pictures even
before he does he has expressed that he may not be friends anymore because of
this sorry i had to
reread that again but i know a lot of you guys watch reality shows and they
always come back and show
you what you just saw and this is not the first time i've been blocked by male
friends because
oh this is what we need nia because their female counterparts are social media
stalking me
and claiming i'm trying to get their man uh i've been told to tone down my
posts are not right how i feel
because the girls take it personally and take it out of my friends now on some
level you know you
you got to know what you're doing all right here's the this is the deal okay
because men are weak women are fucking gorgeous there are certain rules that
you do have to follow
all right and for you to be as beautiful as you are and feeling as confident as
you are about your body
and posting those pictures nothing wrong with that but when you start being
friends with all these guys
that are in relationships like you're single go be friends with guys that aren't
in relationships
it's it's a it's a tough thing it's a tough thing it's not your fault you're
pretty and you feel like
fucking showing it off a little bit not too slutty not too fucking dad will
appreciate this
uh anyways i've been told to tone it down on to or not to rate i feel blah blah
blah uh are these my
real friends or do girls have legit reasons to be upset yours truly a huge fan
and love to nia and the baby
um fuck i might have to do an epilogue on this and get nia you know what i'm
gonna have i'm gonna
answer this and on thursday nia will give her answer look at that teasing the
next episode like a pro
um listen if you're if you're not passively aggressively you know being a dick
tease just
because you like that attention and you're just legitimately just you know like
how you look
and saying how you feel then then i don't think you're wrong but i don't think
they're wrong either
you know what i mean um i don't know how it works with women but when a woman
is more attractive
or makes another woman feel less attractive and is talking to their their guy
yeah that's gonna be
guys get like that right some guy comes up you know he's all fucking jacked he's
got pigment he's got
hair i mean how am i gonna feel you know you don't think i'm gonna truck and
puff up my little freckled
fucking chest you know try to recite some line from a fucking sylvester stallone
movie huh
hey are you like them apples or whatever the fuck it is just combine movies um
yeah like this is what i would do i would just say i i would respect the women
in these relationships
and what you need to do is uh you need to find some guys that are single to
follow you
all right knowing what comes with that like oh my god you look so hot like that's
what you're going
to be getting uh you know but i wouldn't worry about it i mean these are great
problems to have
i mean you could be fucking ugly living under a bridge crying every friday and
saturday night
because no one wants to go near you so you know it's nice to have a lot of suitors
um i i if i was you i would just i would i would expand
uh my friend's circle all right and also you know what didn't you say that you
weren't posting
like that and then recently i've been posting pictures and videos yeah okay
yeah see so everything
was cool until you started doing that so that's what changed see sometimes when
you change as a person
you you lose a few friends so that's that's what i would say
you're not historically been doing this you know i don't know what you had like
your fucking
i sell real estate headshot on there
the family values one and now you're out there like well what the fuck i'm only
going to be young once
i'm going to go out and have a good time then all of a sudden these people
locked out of relationships
yeah yeah you're gonna have a problem you're gonna have a problem so i don't
necessarily think
you're doing anything wrong i just think that uh if that's the way you're going
to be you can't be
around guys that are in relationships and in fairness to them you're going to
be causing them to get into
a lot of goddamn arguments all right and i guarantee you at least one of them
is thinking about one of
your pictures when he bends his fucking girl over i'm just telling you okay as
a guy that's what's
happening and the woman knows it especially when they mutter your name
mumble it what did you say i said uh we should be sharing more stuff
i want to share in my life with you
i had to say i i don't know why you're surprised at this reaction because you're
out there thirst
trapping and these girls don't want their men to get caught in your trap so
even though you may not
be trying you break that down for the white audience what what thirst trapping
she's out
there thirst trapping means like you post photos that are intentionally like
sexy or provocative
because you're trying to get likes you're trying to get while you pretend that
they're not you just
oh this is just me eating cornflakes with most of my breasts
no i don't think that you're necessarily acting like it's not but you know that
there's just like
certain photos that are gonna get like the aye aye aye reaction as opposed to
like aye aye aye
is this is now is there any uh dt going on here t's d t's dick t's it's the
kids here oh
as i imitate a vibrator uh i don't know that it's a dt but it's definitely like
showing you
what your life could be yeah what you could be throwing around the bedroom for
sure so i don't
i mean it's not surprising that their their girlfriends and wives or whatever
are gonna be
like feeling some type of way if they're liking your pictures so um i don't
know i don't think that
you're doing anything wrong but i didn't write this i don't think that um they're
necessarily wrong
either but here's the thing i feel like that we're going back to one of my
earlier my earliest
appearances on the podcast but the only thing is she's been friends with this
kid since she was 16
so that's different that's fine but i also noticed in in her letter that she
said that like all of her
male friends or most of her male friends so is this another situation where you've
got a girl who's got
a lot of male friends nothing wrong with that male friends involved male
friends and it's oh my god
they're stalking me on instagram and oh my god they're such haters and like are
these men really
my friends it's like listen you just have to understand like you have to kind
of be a grown-up
about this like it's one thing for you like i said to post thirst trapping
pictures all your girlfriends
are going to be like yes oh my god you're giving me life you're so hot look at
you bam all that kind of
stuff that's what your girlfriends and like your gay friends are for what does
thirst trapping mean
i just told you what it was earlier did you yeah i said when you're posting a
picture that's
intentionally provocative or sexy to get likes that's like a thirst trap oh in
other words
you're not really going to hook up with anybody no you're just you're just so
all these posting a
sexy photo but thirsty for women lady uh guys are showing thirsty for attention
that's oh that's what all right sorry sorry i'm the white cop on sanford's son
um
so i mean i'm i'm just not surprised that they're they're what should she do
should she step away from
these people no i mean step away how it step away from the car with your hands
up no do you have to
understand that if you start to move into this space where you're posting sexy
photos your viewership
and the way people look at you is going to change huge point if you're okay
with that
then keep doing what you're doing but if you have a problem with it then maybe
you want to pull back
a little bit but yes people are going to look at you some type of way women are
going to look at
you differently men certainly are going to start to look at you differently and
i didn't like this
certainly but go ahead what comes with that territory is that women are going
to be like oh i saw you
liked her photo when she was like you know bent over being like you know yeah
yeah i actually if i could just
meet cute or whatever i don't know if i could just insert a point here they're
both certainly
going to you're not going to insert anything that's that's what i know hey
welcome to married life
that's a rough one um both men and women equally are going to look at it
differently right okay so
let's not let's not turn this into yet another that's what i said you said
women are going to look
look at you differently men are certainly going to look at you differently so
you know how they do
yeah well okay so what does that mean just say what you're saying just don't
don't yeah well okay me
just yeah i mean i stand by what i said you think that well why can't you say
that so we can discuss
it rather than doing that yeah well okay if lola wasn't here i right now i
would transcribe what you
just said to me which is what i can't there's too many f words in it that was
that was like if you put
a bunch of f words into a shotgun all right well um so i women know what other
women are doing i
think you have to expect that you know if these women are already uncomfortable
with your presence
in their man's life if you start you know posting booty shots and all this
other kind of stuff
and they see that their dudes liking it they're going to be like well she didn't
say that she was
bending over and already that type of stuff she just said this is some stuff
that you know it's a
little more risque but i wouldn't show my parents right exactly meaning it's
yeah you know your parents
i can see your knees get back in the house right exactly you could have like a
priest but i think
you should post whatever actually you can't in the catholic church if you're
feeling good about yourself
and about your body you should post all the live long day just know that it's
not going to be this
perfect scenario where you can just post and no one's gonna look at you
differently i disagree
fortunately unfortunately that's just the way that it is i disagree with that
with what with that you
should go and post all these sexy photos of yourself and put them on social
media women should not be
doing that why why are you telling women what they should be doing with their
bodies there it is
there it is oh my god yeah exactly there it is so brave yeah and there it is
from you too tell it
like i don't think women should post it like who are you you don't get to
decide what people do
with their bodies please not say that expression what you don't get to just you
guys all sound like
like children whatever i want to say you haven't even heard not trying to
police my words
you haven't even heard what my point is what's your point okay my my point is i
don't want to hear it
nia you have the way you wish the world was and the way it really is okay okay
so to go out there and
do all of that stuff and be all provocative and get all these people hot and
bothered there are
so many freaking cycles it's the same reason why you don't go out there and and
as a celebrity sit
there and in uh you know tree stump or whatever the hell you call it for for uh
for a candidate all
you're doing is just going out there and getting that lunatic in the white van
with the two seats
that wants to make a pipe bomb and stick it in your mailbox you're doing stuff
like that you're a good
looking person people are going to know you're good looking like literally
social media has been
around so long that people aren't even understanding that there's no
perspective on it anymore half of
these so many of these photos that are on instagram and all that type of stuff
those were like the kind
of photos that were in the beginning of a magazine at a truck stop like 20
years ago and these are just
regular women up but back then you didn't know where these women were you
couldn't find them on the
internet there wasn't cvs taking everybody's uh information and you can go on
and find everybody's address out there and
you're going to go out there thirst trapping or whatever the hell you're
calling it showing your
goods and you're just you're playing a there's not a person in law enforcement
that would not 100
agree with what i'm saying this has nothing to do with a guy telling you to do
what you should be doing
with your body it has to do with somebody looking out for your own personal
safety and that doing that
is no different than these effing morons you see out there riding a bicycle in
la on busy streets
allegedly in this bike lane that's not even painted and they have their
headphones on you have you you
have completely no responsibility for your own personal safety and then when
something happens to
you this is this 100 looked at that you're a victim you are a victim but there's
nothing looking at like
some preventative measures like why would you go on the internet and do that
just post a picture
yourself smiling you're a good looking person and you'll attract the kind of
person you want to meet
you're going to go out there and show your booty crack in your in your in your
your your your ass
cleavage there i mean what do you what do you what do you like you even said
that if you're going to
start showing that everybody is going to look at you differently certainly guys
now all they're going
to think is i really want to f you right that's all they're thinking that's the
best you're going to
get right that is the best you're going to get with those photos and the worst
you're going to get
is an effing stalker right okay so that's what i was saying i wasn't trying to
get in your world i
wasn't over here man spreading i'm just saying doing that it it's literally
like becoming a
comedian posting something on the internet and then you're going to get upset
when someone just tears
the hell out of it and says you absolutely stink and it's just like well you
know you're not a victim
here you're the guy who posted you're you're the person who decided to get up
on stage and people are
going to judge you that's all i'm saying and i think that women that do that
type of stuff i i don't
think because they're so young i don't think they understand the level of effing
lunatic that is out
there i don't even understand it because women get it way worse so to go out
there and sit there i mean
that's like when you go to the friggin alligator farm and they're dangling
those friggin chickens over
the thing and all the crocs go in the water you're out of your mind uh well i
understand your points
but i still think that people should post what they want to post it's their
life just roll the dice
that you're in the herd of people showing most of their boobs i i mean you're
not gonna get people
yeah i do because i don't think that you should be living your life in fear of
what could happen or
what might happen because if that was the case i wouldn't leave the house i'm
not talking about going
after a dream i'm talking about keeping your ass crack in your pants
well i respectfully disagree but the thing is the point we're gonna have a
problem when so-and-so
gets to be a certain age you don't you dare tell her that that's gonna be okay
not listen we'll see
that's a way about it no no now what now it's your daughter now it's not okay i
recognize the hypocrisy in
this but i would be like please don't post that type of stuff on there but i
also know that i
at a certain point i'm not going to be able to control what she does she's not
going to be sitting
here quietly watching cartoons what do you mean you've already tapped out what
does that mean
you know beyond a certain point i mean what what what age is that what are we
talking about here
when she's 18 and she's an adult i'm not gonna she isn't think of what you
thought you're you're 18
as far as the law goes you're not an adult right no you're not okay you and i
get a dumb teenager yeah
you and i get a divorce and i'm with an 18 year old what she's an adult you're
gonna be like she's
a child oh my god i would kill you i'd kill myself but yeah just because i lost
you no oh god
say that all right no more romantic little enough sweet nothings i don't even
know how to be romantic
do i know how to be romantic um oh you know what romance is

FMTV - Bill & Nia | Thirst Trapping on Instagram

oh hello billy baldwin i get it i get it once again making me feel bad about my
moon-shaped head
um recently i've been posting pictures and videos on my instagram that are dot
dot dot not slutty
all right so right there they're of a risque okay hang on a second i gotta i
gotta clear my nose here
hang on a second all right this is just one of these things where if i lay down
my nose just fucking
just blocks up but if one second i stand up it's fine i don't understand it
anyways
all right so you're posting these pictures that are not slutty but i i wouldn't
show my parents
either well all right okay there is there's a window in there there's a window
in there because
they're gonna be like your dress is too short come on honey what are you doing
you're killing your
father right i'm 26 years old and i've been feeling very confident about myself
and my body good for you
i'm saying i wish i felt the same way about my head how can i when everybody
makes fun of it
i like my head and i don't care what i believe christina aguilera said it best
when she said
i am beautiful no matter what they say right and i believe her pussy was as
bald as the top of my
head judging by some of her outfits you know what i mean i mean the skirts were
so slow the hair would
be hanging out underneath right oh bill like why do you have to be so crass
because i'm not funny
you know when you're not funny you go right to the genitals i mean it's one of
the oldest
oldest is one of the oldest things in comedy i'm 26 years old i've been feeling
good about my body
i'm single with no boyfriend or even dating oh yeah have a good time go buy a
fucking suitcase full
condoms and uh jump on it i'm sorry anyways my friend okay anyways my friend
since i was 16
has told me that his wife has been uncomfortable with us talking because she's
seen my pictures
well yeah you sound like you're in the prime of your life you're obviously
crushing it
uh she told him she feels insecure and sees my pictures even before he does he's
expressed that
he may not be my friend anymore because of this well he's doing the right thing
you know happy wife
happy life hey she ain't happy nobody's gonna be happy um why doesn't he just
unfollow you can
just do that and you guys could be friends in a different way i don't know it's
weird that's all
weird i get where his wife's coming from uh she's you know my wife would send
somebody you know and
he's he's fucking posting banana hammock pictures i don't feel like i'm gonna
be too comfortable with
that right swing low sweet chariot sorry um she told me she feels insecure and
sees my pictures even
before he does he has expressed that he may not be friends anymore because of
this sorry i had to
reread that again but i know a lot of you guys watch reality shows and they
always come back and show
you what you just saw and this is not the first time i've been blocked by male
friends because
oh this is what we need nia because their female counterparts are social media
stalking me
and claiming i'm trying to get their man uh i've been told to tone down my
posts are not right how i feel
because the girls take it personally and take it out of my friends now on some
level you know you
you got to know what you're doing all right here's the this is the deal okay
because men are weak women are fucking gorgeous there are certain rules that
you do have to follow
all right and for you to be as beautiful as you are and feeling as confident as
you are about your body
and posting those pictures nothing wrong with that but when you start being
friends with all these guys
that are in relationships like you're single go be friends with guys that aren't
in relationships
it's it's a it's a tough thing it's a tough thing it's not your fault you're
pretty and you feel like
fucking showing it off a little bit not too slutty not too fucking dad will
appreciate this
uh anyways i've been told to tone it down on to or not to rate i feel blah blah
blah uh are these my
real friends or do girls have legit reasons to be upset yours truly a huge fan
and love to nia and the baby
um fuck i might have to do an epilogue on this and get nia you know what i'm
gonna have i'm gonna
answer this and on thursday nia will give her answer look at that teasing the
next episode like a pro
um listen if you're if you're not passively aggressively you know being a dick
tease just
because you like that attention and you're just legitimately just you know like
how you look
and saying how you feel then then i don't think you're wrong but i don't think
they're wrong either
you know what i mean um i don't know how it works with women but when a woman
is more attractive
or makes another woman feel less attractive and is talking to their their guy
yeah that's gonna be
guys get like that right some guy comes up you know he's all fucking jacked he's
got pigment he's got
hair i mean how am i gonna feel you know you don't think i'm gonna truck and
puff up my little freckled
fucking chest you know try to recite some line from a fucking sylvester stallone
movie huh
hey are you like them apples or whatever the fuck it is just combine movies um
yeah like this is what i would do i would just say i i would respect the women
in these relationships
and what you need to do is uh you need to find some guys that are single to
follow you
all right knowing what comes with that like oh my god you look so hot like that's
what you're going
to be getting uh you know but i wouldn't worry about it i mean these are great
problems to have
i mean you could be fucking ugly living under a bridge crying every friday and
saturday night
because no one wants to go near you so you know it's nice to have a lot of suitors
um i i if i was you i would just i would i would expand
uh my friend's circle all right and also you know what didn't you say that you
weren't posting
like that and then recently i've been posting pictures and videos yeah okay
yeah see so everything
was cool until you started doing that so that's what changed see sometimes when
you change as a person
you you lose a few friends so that's that's what i would say
you're not historically been doing this you know i don't know what you had like
your fucking
i sell real estate headshot on there
the family values one and now you're out there like well what the fuck i'm only
going to be young once
i'm going to go out and have a good time then all of a sudden these people
locked out of relationships
yeah yeah you're gonna have a problem you're gonna have a problem so i don't
necessarily think
you're doing anything wrong i just think that uh if that's the way you're going
to be you can't be
around guys that are in relationships and in fairness to them you're going to
be causing them to get into
a lot of goddamn arguments all right and i guarantee you at least one of them
is thinking about one of
your pictures when he bends his fucking girl over i'm just telling you okay as
a guy that's what's
happening and the woman knows it especially when they mutter your name
mumble it what did you say i said uh we should be sharing more stuff
i want to share in my life with you
i had to say i i don't know why you're surprised at this reaction because you're
out there thirst
trapping and these girls don't want their men to get caught in your trap so
even though you may not
be trying you break that down for the white audience what what thirst trapping
she's out
there thirst trapping means like you post photos that are intentionally like
sexy or provocative
because you're trying to get likes you're trying to get while you pretend that
they're not you just
oh this is just me eating cornflakes with most of my breasts
no i don't think that you're necessarily acting like it's not but you know that
there's just like
certain photos that are gonna get like the aye aye aye reaction as opposed to
like aye aye aye
is this is now is there any uh dt going on here t's d t's dick t's it's the
kids here oh
as i imitate a vibrator uh i don't know that it's a dt but it's definitely like
showing you
what your life could be yeah what you could be throwing around the bedroom for
sure so i don't
i mean it's not surprising that their their girlfriends and wives or whatever
are gonna be
like feeling some type of way if they're liking your pictures so um i don't
know i don't think that
you're doing anything wrong but i didn't write this i don't think that um they're
necessarily wrong
either but here's the thing i feel like that we're going back to one of my
earlier my earliest
appearances on the podcast but the only thing is she's been friends with this
kid since she was 16
so that's different that's fine but i also noticed in in her letter that she
said that like all of her
male friends or most of her male friends so is this another situation where you've
got a girl who's got
a lot of male friends nothing wrong with that male friends involved male
friends and it's oh my god
they're stalking me on instagram and oh my god they're such haters and like are
these men really
my friends it's like listen you just have to understand like you have to kind
of be a grown-up
about this like it's one thing for you like i said to post thirst trapping
pictures all your girlfriends
are going to be like yes oh my god you're giving me life you're so hot look at
you bam all that kind of
stuff that's what your girlfriends and like your gay friends are for what does
thirst trapping mean
i just told you what it was earlier did you yeah i said when you're posting a
picture that's
intentionally provocative or sexy to get likes that's like a thirst trap oh in
other words
you're not really going to hook up with anybody no you're just you're just so
all these posting a
sexy photo but thirsty for women lady uh guys are showing thirsty for attention
that's oh that's what all right sorry sorry i'm the white cop on sanford's son
um
so i mean i'm i'm just not surprised that they're they're what should she do
should she step away from
these people no i mean step away how it step away from the car with your hands
up no do you have to
understand that if you start to move into this space where you're posting sexy
photos your viewership
and the way people look at you is going to change huge point if you're okay
with that
then keep doing what you're doing but if you have a problem with it then maybe
you want to pull back
a little bit but yes people are going to look at you some type of way women are
going to look at
you differently men certainly are going to start to look at you differently and
i didn't like this
certainly but go ahead what comes with that territory is that women are going
to be like oh i saw you
liked her photo when she was like you know bent over being like you know yeah
yeah i actually if i could just
meet cute or whatever i don't know if i could just insert a point here they're
both certainly
going to you're not going to insert anything that's that's what i know hey
welcome to married life
that's a rough one um both men and women equally are going to look at it
differently right okay so
let's not let's not turn this into yet another that's what i said you said
women are going to look
look at you differently men are certainly going to look at you differently so
you know how they do
yeah well okay so what does that mean just say what you're saying just don't
don't yeah well okay me
just yeah i mean i stand by what i said you think that well why can't you say
that so we can discuss
it rather than doing that yeah well okay if lola wasn't here i right now i
would transcribe what you
just said to me which is what i can't there's too many f words in it that was
that was like if you put
a bunch of f words into a shotgun all right well um so i women know what other
women are doing i
think you have to expect that you know if these women are already uncomfortable
with your presence
in their man's life if you start you know posting booty shots and all this
other kind of stuff
and they see that their 