Name: FMTV - Bill & Nia | Sleeping With Your Roommate
Uploaded: 2020-11-20T12:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'FMTV - Bill & Nia | Sleeping With Your Roommate' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'FMTV - Bill & Nia | Sleeping With Your Roommate' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-20. Transcript available.

can i read the next one all right yeah banging my roommate i'm reading the fallout
as read
by the lovely nia hey billy bitch tits
make sure you don't block the microphone down the bottom okay i'm 22 years old
in my last
semester of university and i live with one girl who happens to be hot i found
myself in this
situation by only needing a four-month term sublease to finish my final
semester a friend
of mine who was moving out of state to complete her nursing placement offered
to sublet her room
to me at a very reasonable price for the quality of apartment i accepted
without knowing or meeting
my soon-to-be roommate the hot roommate was briefed on me and was okay with
living with a guy
fast forward two weeks into living together we're banging on the couch wow that
escalated quickly
oh there's somebody at the door all right i'll keep reading um we're banging on
the couch from this
moment to about mid-october i was untouchable insert picture of muhammad ali
after a knockout
it was around that mid-october point where she decided to stop hooking up with
me because she
started talking to another guy from her hometown seven hours away where i have
a problem is not with
heartbreak her heart feelings oh come on now it's more with the level of
resentment on her side
she's gotten really cold standoffish and passive aggressive with me it's to a
point where she goes
to her room when i get home we don't really talk anymore what have i done and
how do i fix it i'm
not sure i see a future with her but she's cool and i'd rather not have her
hate me she's a pretty
laid-back person and her mom constantly bugs her about getting a real job she's
a waitress
at the beginning of november that is a real job at the beginning of november i
got a job
at a consulting firm which i worked really hard to get she didn't care in the
slightest
while we were hooking up she also told me constantly about the other guy she
was talking
to oh baby we agreed to be open but i found it a bit much looking for a game
plan here long
time fan of the show thanks and go fuck yourself so what happened they start
banging
somebody somebody caught feelings what happened he caught feelings even though
he said where
i have a problem is not with heartbreak or hurt feelings yeah she basically
banged him because
she was talking because she was trying to get over some some guy while we were
while we were hooking
up she also constantly told me about the other guy she was talking to right so
this was a this
was a between guys bang you know it's kind of like a buffer like because you
you're in between a rebound
or you're kind of wishing to be with somebody else so you end up banging
somebody who's really into you
and giving you a lot of compliments and you know the dick is right next door
because your roommate so
that's super easy ain't gotta like get up and get all dressed up it's like you
know you'll just take
it because you think i'm the best and um you know you got used you got played
um how did he get used
he got the bang a hot chick but he doesn't but you didn't read did you not hear
the rest of it like
no i answered the door you don't remember oh right um no he's up he's upset
because she just dropped him
like a hot potato and she's being really cold to him and is not really talking
to him that's the shit
she she that's the fucking shit it's over that's fucking great and it's the
thing this is the thing
dude just who gives a fuck i know you got to bang this hot chick and then she
fucking she acted the
way a guy usually acts which is the best we just walk away from it women are
all like can i have one
of your t-shirts right she just walked away get on with your fucking life
exactly it's done yeah get
on with your fucking life who gives a fuck you're 22 years old so perhaps you
haven't heard the saying
don't shit where you eat don't ever start fucking your roommate because when it
goes bad or when it's
over very rarely can you just exist and it's not awkward exactly that's why it's
fucking awesome
because now she's just totally blowing them off they live together and then it's
like perfect so i would
just sit down and just say hey listen i realize we're not hooking up anymore
which is totally cool
but like you barely even talk to me like i i don't have any fucking hard
feelings over it so
like yeah you know you want some fruit loops yeah that's true yeah maybe just
try yeah try to like
kind of call her out on being immature about the situation it's like you don't
got to treat me like
shit now just because we're not fucking because that's that's listen i you know
i was sort of
teasing you before but it's not cool that she's just rude to you now that she's
had your way with you
and she's done with your dick and she's so she's like the greatest roommate
ever all she wanted to
do was fuck you for a while and then she left what is the problem she's on my
mount rushmore of
fucking roommates i mean the fact that you got to bang her is because you could
have easily gotten
friend zoned she's literally she's sitting here constantly talking about other
guys that she's
seeing you could have gotten friend zoned so you know at least you got laid
yeah jesus christ silver
lining the glass is not half full the glass is full and your balls are empty
there oh jesus all right