Name: Bill Burr - FMTV | Drinking as a College Freshman
Uploaded: 2020-11-27T12:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - FMTV | Drinking as a College Freshman' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - FMTV | Drinking as a College Freshman' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-27. Transcript available.

uh drinking as a college freshman speaking of boozing dear bill i'm a college
freshman
freshman and just recently went to my first dorm party that wasn't held in my
room
it's hilarious you sound like me back in the day i'm an introvert so luckily
for me i got a
roommate who is social and likes to party otherwise i'd probably be spending
all my time in my room
and not interacting with anybody well that's good get yourself out there doesn't
mean you
got to be an idiot though all right you got to drink responsibly actually you're
not supposed to be
drinking because you're underage look at me i'm a dad now uh i mostly kept to
myself throughout high
school and had a few friends but never really really did much with them outside
of school
uh because of that i never had any alcohol i'm not much of a party guy but i
wanted to step out
of my comfort zone so i decided decided to go it sounds like the beginning of a
really interesting
movie oh god okay so you're going there all right um
hey this is the thing for all you young people out there if you've never really
done something before
the best thing you can do is tell people that you haven't just fucking own it
yeah i never i never
drank anymore i'm a little nervous about it i just want to go easy just give me
one here and they'll
all laugh but they'll they'll like it it's when you act like you've been there
before and that's when
you get in trouble um not much of a party guy but i wanted to step out of my
comfort zone so i decided
to go uh that includes even being a virgin you know where's the fucking i ain't
never never banged
anybody it hasn't happened for me help me out guys then it begins if you get
brings people together
let's get them laid just don't go to a hooker uh i'm not much of a party guy
but i wanted to step
out of my comfort zone so i decided to go for my lack of experience it seemed
pretty wild
there was lots of alcohol mostly hard liquor vaping making out and loud rap
music that i didn't know
the lyrics to dude you are hilarious man this guy's a writer um you're really
painting a picture here
being the sheltered person that i am i stayed in the corner and just observed
everyone else i was
approached by a few people that offered alcohol but i kindly refused that's
good you're a strong
person saying that i would drink something else i realized that the alcohol
would help me loosen up
so it was pretty tempting but not having any previous experience with it i
decided not to smart man
using your head even though i kept to myself for the most part i had some fun
and i'm looking forward
to the next party i am i am a pretty small person 105 pounds soaking wet and
about five feet seven
inches tall so it wouldn't take much for me to feel the effects um i am mostly
afraid of how i would act
and what i would say dude you're a very smart person uh college is all about
new experiences right so what
do you think should i drink the next time a party at a party or gathering comes
up if so what advice
do you have thanks and go fuck yourself um i don't know you're underage so i
can't tell you to go drink
you shouldn't do if if i if how i would i wish i would have handled situations
like that i just tell
your roommate that that's the deal i never really drank or anything like that
and i would stay in your
dorm room and just drink a beer i would do that and then tell your roommate to
say hey can you do me
a favor just look out for me at this party i don't want to do or say anything
stupid right and then on
top of that when you go to the party don't fucking don't get crazy as long as
you got it as long as
you're sitting there with a beer in your hand you could literally have water in
the in the can for
all they know and just be sipping hey you know but it's it's a very mature
thing that you're already
considering not being out of control so i wouldn't do that okay you shouldn't
drink if you're underage
you shouldn't i did it was stupid i got in a lot of trouble and it ended with
me getting fucking
arrested and me finally fucking smartening up really and the really the reality
is is you know
nothing good comes from it it's not good for you it's not good for you health
wise um it's not it's
not good it's just not good for you um you put on you're gonna put on the wrong
kind of weight if
you do however when you're of age occasionally having a beer is the way you do
it if you're a mature
person here i am 50 years of fucking age and i still have to shut it down
because i don't even
know how to do it um so that know that that is the world that you're going into
so i think it's good
that you're very cautious um i haven't said that there's other ways to have fun
but you know you
want to meet some women or whatever so just fucking go you know it's a strong
move if you go there and
you're not drinking you know what i mean but then it gets weird if you start
talking to a woman and
she's been drinking and then you haven't and then she wants to fucking hook up
then it's this weird
fucking yeah it gets it gets fucking weird man um i would you know what i would
do i would explore
other places other ways to be social go to the fucking party don't fucking
drink you know you'll
be ahead of the game um and then i would find other other social activities i
mean you're not
the only person at school that doesn't drink you know maybe you can meet some
fucking responsible
you know woman have a good time that way there's a lot of ways to skin the cat
and i'm really
outside my element because i was the idiot that went to the fucking party and
did shitty in school
so um there you go you don't have to drink you don't have to fucking have a
beer
um all right depressed girlfriend just know dude you're totally in control and
there's nothing wrong
with anything about you anything that you're doing and uh in a lot of ways you're
stronger than most
other people because they're just doing what everybody else is doing which is
the easiest thing
all right and you'll see it in your lifetime when every douchebag goes out and
gets themselves a
fucking robot because their neighbor has one.