Name: Bill & Nia | Thanksgiving Dinner
Uploaded: 2020-12-02T12:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill & Nia | Thanksgiving Dinner' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill & Nia | Thanksgiving Dinner' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-02. Transcript available.

hey what's going on it's bills burr it's bills burr bill burr and it's time
bills burr bills burr the because there's two of us here the thursday afternoon
just before
friday monday morning podcast and i'm just checking in on you oh that was weary
yeah i'm full well
because i cooked all day yesterday well we're doing a special one the day after
why is this
so loud it's been popping lately let me turn this down i actually just talked
to my my producer i'm
finally going to have a professional level podcast here ham radio situation you
have it served me well
i've been keeping it real since 2007 garage band style baby doing podcasting
your underwear doing
in your underwear there well nia i gotta say this because i like to think that
i'm woke i just
want to say be the first to tell you happy black friday william you know you
people have been
complaining for years that all you get february don't forget white people also
give you a friday
in november happy black friday not what it means wait why do they call it black
friday it's an
accounting term it's an accounting term it is yeah back in the day when you had
a ledger
before uh spreadsheets
um when they uh hey it's holiday weekend all right let's not make it pornographic
um they would they would have in in the account and ledgers whatever was an
asset was in black okay something positive in black nia huh and then if it was
bad red native american see they still kept white people out of it oh like when
people say oh we're gonna get this company in the black that means they're
gonna get they're gonna yeah profits
yeah profits profits and if it's bad it's in the red native american and if you
need to whitewash
history you have white out
white people into whatever it is what's going on i kind of like the way i said
it
kind of kept the through line i bet you i bet you do anyway it's great to be
back
it is great to be back it is i haven't been on the podcast yeah and i i think
uh i gotta tell i gotta say
something throughout the years being in an interracial relationship
um people think that you would argue about i don't know what
you know whatever you know one of our biggest arguments not lately one of our
biggest arguments
okay yeah um i feel like i'm pitching an episode of like the jeffersons here
for the neighbors down the hall
um is seasoning of food lenny kravitz's mother
oh that was lenny kravitz's mother yeah
roxy i don't know her last name i can't think of it right now
and the actress who played walona on good times wrote that theme song the
greatest theme song ever
oh really oh i think i knew that maybe i don't know
maybe not
are you okay okay i think i knew that maybe i didn't no i did maybe not we'll
be right back
with conversations with yourself after these messages um so you're talking
about our biggest
argument lately lately nia you salt the shit out of stuff i do not in my
culture we actually season
our food so i know that's like unfamiliar territory for you people but
listen when food is good you can actually that's like flavors that like dance
on your tongue
you're just like salt and pepper like that's all
that is such a crock of shit but i did tell you this i think white people
season food the way we dance
and black and black people
black people season food the way you guys sing the national anthem
no the way you sing the national anthem whoa
fucking easy with the salt
extra
holy shit
the fucking
needs flavor watch any episode of top chef or any of those shows are all like
you didn't season your
food enough you didn't season your food enough because people get scared of the
seasoning
so so what you watched a little bit of the food network and all of a sudden you
just got to dump
a fucking salt lick on every layer of lettuce you put on a burger
that chicken that i made the other day for sure i put the lemon pepper
seasoning and i put salt on it so
maybe it was a little oh my god i felt my heart beating in my ears there was so
much salt in that fucking thing
come on come on and those those those the broccoli uh the the what do you put
it in the oven there
oh my god
it needs flavor wait can we talk about the time you made a pot roast and didn't
salt it and i was like
that's not true
are you gonna put that's not true that's not true
that is true and you were like the recipe doesn't call for it
that's not what i said that's not what i said i'm like i had to salt the meat
no you need and you were
like i don't know that is this is what happened you guys ate it and said it
needed salt i said i put
in the required amount but it was the level it's my mother's recipe and she's
midwest people from back
in the day and you know back in the day you didn't have like all of these
fucking you know food networks
and all of that so these are old school recipes so yeah i try to kick up the
notch you know
the apple pie put more cinnamon in it i kick it up a little but i don't do like
the pimp suit
fucking shit that you do to yours pimp suit yeah like the extra
fucking extra like we get it you're making money
that's what i'm just saying like jesus christ i gotta tell you i crushed the
turkey
you did a good job with the turkey oh you i did a good job i crushed it
unbelievable you just won't
give it up you are so crazy if i don't like wildly compliment you you like
spiral i said you did a
good you said i crushed the turkey yeah you know okay you know what you fucking
cook for four hours
instead of somebody go you did a good job i did cook for four hours the night
before no you didn't
you had me as a fucking assistant you're like i need you to help me with this
and you know what i did
i helped you with it i did all of this shit until a pot cookie kicked in and
then i tapped out
but you were fucking like but then the next day i'm going to make my stuffing
and you're you're
fucking browbeating me about how to make toast no i wasn't you're just a
sensitive baby oh my all i
was telling you was if you wanted to double check the setting on the toaster to
make sure that you
were like comfortable with the level of toast if you were okay with it being at
four minutes or three
minutes or five minutes you know just to test it i was just it was merely a
suggestion she wanted me
to take bread from another loaf and do a test run to make toast i could see if
we were deep frying a
turkey for the first time and you wanted to deep fry something else first we're
talking about toast
i mean what's gonna happen i needed to do like a nasa test for toast yeah maybe
but i just was saying
you could just test sit there you are such a baby you're a control freak you
get in the goddamn kitchen
and you oh my god i just yes chef yes chef i'm running around the goddamn thing
i've made plenty of good
flavorful fucking meals and now you're gonna sit here and lie to my listeners
and act me like i'm
old billy bland face over here and i resent that you crushed the turkey it was
moist it was flavorful
it was delicious the stuffing oh it was great well the stuffing always kills
the mashed potatoes with
the the the the the fucking salt and pepper the butter and the fresh rosemary
that was delicious as well
i think that's all i made okay i made the mac and cheese and you didn't make
them we made the mac
and cheese we made the mac and cheese i don't know i think i should have taken
it the thing is it says
30 to 40 minutes and i checked it at 30 and it wasn't really like golden on top
the way you like
and so i put it in for another five minutes and i think that was i think that
was a mistake also it
didn't have enough salt um i liked it i thought it had plenty of flavor i
really enjoyed it and i
didn't think it needed any more salt how much salt can you have in our meal
i don't want to get you for a stocking stuffer gonna get you one of those what's
that one of the
little chicks spilling the salt as she walks down the street in the rain i'm
gonna get you a little
fucking salt shaker uh yeah whatever that morton morton salt morton salt yeah
exactly and by the
way salt is for people who don't know how to cook that is not true it is 100
true it's like me
saying the f-bomb of my jokes i don't write a good joke so the steroids of
comedy is a couple of f-bombs
you ped the joke people will do anything and make any kind of excuse what do
you mean by you
people you know exactly what i mean to have like oh it's too much oh that's if
you don't know how to
cook like are you crazy salt and seasoning enhances flavor i didn't start this
i didn't start this
you're the one who told me that white people don't know how to season food i
never said black people
ramsey was here and he heard you say that he would slap you across your face
and say what
and say you need salt you need salt he lives in england those people did
everything's gray over
there they don't know how to cook i was in liverpool i almost died of scurvy
there's no nutrition in that country
they haven't oppressed the the indian people that there wouldn't be any good
food in that
country that isn't that indian food in england is amazing why and why is that
because gordon
ramsey's cooking it no because of the oppressed indians cooking it it's because
yeah it's because
of the indian people i love gordon ramsey i love an angry man in the kitchen
yeah i know that i love
the road maps of anger on his face from yelling at assistance i love that i
love a white man from
england who's never seen lotion in his life um no but thanksgiving was really
nice it came together
beautifully it was a nice time small just us it was great yeah we had we had a
good time you wouldn't
notice by this podcast no i had a great time but like no you're right i i could
definitely
you know kick up the flavor and some of my old school mom recipes oh my god so
sacrilegious but okay
the stuff that i grew up on the stuff that i grew up on i will try i will try
and black it up