Name: Bill Burr | Girlfriend Red Flags & A Productive Argument
Uploaded: 2021-01-27T12:00:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Girlfriend Red Flags & A Productive Argument' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-01-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Girlfriend Red Flags & A Productive Argument' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-01-27. Transcript available.

major girlfriend red flags drama all right this is the red flag fucking podcast
the challenge for people throwing the challenge we're gonna call it from now on
i love i'm in this relationship with this guy this woman whatever
and i'm feeling like i gotta throw uh the challenge flag here all right all
right hey
billy bust inside bust inside is that because i'm a dad twice is that what it
is uh i have a
situation on my hands and would like some advice from you so i am 20 years old
and i've been with
my girl now girlfriend now for about four months but we've known each other for
about a year ever
since starting to date her i've have dealt with non-stop drama and it's getting
to the point i'm
seriously considering ending this wait ever since i started dating i've dealt
with non-stop drama
yeah these are easy get out of this you're 20 years old run free young man and
don't get into
another relationship immediately sit down and process and be single single and
figure out what
the fuck that was and how and how you stepped on that landmine so you don't do
it again anyway he
goes this all started when about a month ago we started dating she told me she
was going to get
flown out by this dude to celebrate his birthday what is she a call girl i
immediately told her that's
not happening and freaked out she told me he's already booked the ticket for
her and that he's just a
friend go fuck yourself
go listen to biz marquee for this you don't need me and also even if he wanted
to have sex he couldn't
because of his religion which i immediately called bullshit on he's a guy and
has a dick all right good
man you're wise beyond your years good for you i told her if anyone is flying
her anywhere it's me
she then apologized and said i was right and it wouldn't happen again bullshit
she also has basically
only all guy friends dude get the fuck out of this thing they're all super shifty
saying stuff like
when are we gonna date and i want to fuck you i don't care that if you have a
boyfriend
yeah what are you doing buddy no you're 20 this happens i have talked to her
over and over about
this that i don't appreciate that the other guys talked to her like this and
she does nothing about
it but play it off like it's some sort of joke but nothing ever changes she
never cuts them off
yeah yeah dude um if she hasn't already fucked all of those guys just get out
now before you you leave
with an std uh the last straw came tonight when she told me that one of the
guys said he's going to fly her
show her up and fly here oh sorry show up and fuck her when she told me this i
completely lost my shit
yeah dude she's playing you and messes the guy only for him to say i'll fly you
and your girlfriend out
then we'll kick your ass and double team your girl then i'll kick your ass and
double team your
girlfriend i completely lost my cool with the guy guys and my girlfriend for
putting up with this
shit putting me in a situation where i have to deal with this yeah dude this
chick is just
ridiculous there's tons of other red flags dude that's the biggest
the fact that she's doing this to you she's a garbage human being
she's i can't i won't even say garbage at this point she's just super young and
maybe
she needs some therapy if she was in her 30s she's a garbage human being anyway
this come on ed
you need to go back to the house and get keys
all right hang on a second oh it's the lovely nia everybody
hang on hang on hang on hang on hang on hang on hang on
you're gonna make me walk back no i was gonna make you walk back i'm in the
middle of answering
one of the easiest questions ever this guy's in a relationship are you a jerk
yes yes i am a jerk
no this she's this guy guy's in a relationship with this chick and she has all
these guys like
texting her all the time saying i want to you i don't care if you have a
boyfriend i'll fly you out
and then she shows him to him oh bye yes oh bye did you hear that that's
exactly what i said
uh we're long distance so maybe this is why some of oh we're long distance
relationships so maybe this
is why some of these problems occur i'm not sure i do love this girl and i just
am starting to think this isn't worth the drama and hassle anymore would love
some advice what you
would do in my shoes thanks and go fuck yourself he's 20 years old dude this is
the easiest ever
kick it to the curb what say you nia yeah i think so is this one of these well
this is why you need
to move to my city because if you don't there's all these guys here like is
that what this is about
this is some kind of manipulation thing or is this just to make you jealous is
this to sort of
keep you on your toes either way it's a mess well if you have to ask any of
those questions it's time to leave
definitely definitely are you almost done yes i am almost done you know i i i
got in some good ones
on you last week yeah i know you know people tweet me and tell me that like you're
talking
shit about me like i can't believe what bill said i can't wait for nia's
response and you know what
that's not fair because i don't even have a chance to defend myself you just
come on here you talk
shit i'm a part of the podcast sometimes you know what i mean and you're not
even going to give me
the opportunity to like be a part of the discussion you're just going to talk
shit about me maybe this
is how i get you on the podcast now i talk you could just ask me well you got
you're always busy
with the kids i know if i talk shit you think you think i don't know these
fucking rats are gonna
fucking tech tweet you oh they rat of course they are and here you are and here
you are on the podcast
you fucking walked right into the trap so what did you say about me i'm trying
to remember what i was
what i'm trying to remember what we were arguing about try to remember no you
can you have a better
memory than me what was it because i think i was right too boxes or something
stupid oh when i
became box boy oh god here we go yeah box boy yeah defend yourself against what
exactly you are a box
open that microphone in my face defend yourself like you're some sort of gotcha
reporter on the street
is there any truth to the rumors that you wouldn't cut up boxes forcing your
husband hollywood golden
boy bill bird and cut them up and throw them away for you the fuck is this yeah
you gotta cut up some
boxes sometimes i have i have other shit that i'm doing oh do you oh yes i do
and i don't always get
to that and what i don't have other shit sue me sue me sue me i don't have
other that i'm doing we
both have that we're doing i just don't i have that i'm doing and i when i open
a box i cut it up
i just don't think that it's productive to pick at each other about the petty
things okay i think
this is a petty thing so my things are petty you're trying to make me out to be
like some sort of
inconsiderate person and i don't appreciate it did you say meow or me out meow
yeah i was getting stathy
me out to be sometimes like this you know some sort of attack on my character
by going on and on about
the boxes this is an election year huh it was i'll attack your character all i
want
well you know what nia it's not that you don't cut up the boxes it's the way
you just throw
them you know or stash them i don't throw i don't like open a box just throw it
across the floor that's
what it looks like when i walk in there like you handle this well it's not that
and you're such a
fucking everything that anyone does is automatically against you you take way
too personal like i'm just
expecting you to take everything that everyone does does your dues you're the
only one i'm talking to
stop trying to drag invisible people into this shit you're sitting here trying
to make it seem like i'm
trying to get you just like you just take care of it you're the box boy when it's
like i'm just being
careless in the moment because i'm trying to all right let me open this shirt
it's usually for the
kids let me put it away careless in the moment means most of the times you cut
up the boxes
you're you're you you don't cut up boxes i do and you can ask my mother who
watches me cut them up
all the lies lies lies yeah ask her tomorrow and see what she says about me
cutting up boxes ask her
okay why are you acting like you're scaring me i'm not i'm just telling you
what it is and you
need to top take stop taking the shit so personally like i'm trying to come
after you or make you my
servant you always do that anytime i ask you to do something anytime you have
to step in and do
something you're like why do i always have to do it wait me that is a big heaping
pile of
bullshit because you're like i'm aaron boy i'm box boy what do i work for you
it's just like
everything after 900 days and you keep going like oh i was gonna do it i was
gonna do it you need to
go on the road because like i need to go on the road you took it to there yes
you love me you
asshole and yeah you're the only brought out there that i cut up i cut up your
goddamn trash
we've been around each other too much this pandemic is getting to us baby that's
bullshit you really
think i'm like treating you like errand boy just because i don't cut up boxes
no the way i have a
temper i have to learn to accept the fact no that when you make a sandwich you're
so focused on making
the fucking sandwich that i'm gonna walk out there two hours later after you
did and the mayonnaise jar
is gonna be open with the top off the ketchup's gonna be over there there's
gonna be a bunch of
crumb it looks like a fucking eight-year-old made it you are totally i am not
let's talk about the
fact how many i am not how many glasses of water are around the house at any
given time how many
half cut lemons hey watch this watch this no no you don't interrupt me now how
many half cut lemons and
half cut tomatoes are just littered on the fucking countertop how many hoodies
and hats are strewn about
all over the house i don't say anything because it's not that big a deal okay
all right now watch
this whole federal case watch this and then you shut up listen to me oh my god
go on your goddamn
podcast and trash me those people love me that listen to this podcast they
would never turn against me okay
wait a minute okay watch this that's about the glasses you're 100 right i need
to work on that
and i'm gonna do better with the lemons and the tomatoes same thing with my hoodies
why is it so
fucking hard for you to do that all right fine you're right about that fellas
that is the way it's done
people say it again i will do better thank you you know what's actually i
really have
to admit to though and it's gonna make my whole argument my whole craziness
just really seem
like i'm nuts but after that last argument we had about boxes i started to walk
upstairs and i saw a
box that i just left on the chair after i opened something and i was like god
damn it
yeah i'm not asking you to be perfect i just i just want an attempt that's all
i'm a mess okay i know
i'm a fucking pain in the ass to live with just every once in a while if you
could just fucking acknowledge
one of my fucking complaints without dragging up everything else that i've done
for the last two
fucking decades you've been with me if you could just do that if we could just
remain in the moment
that's all all right fine there you go okay great see we're friends we're good
see people that's how
you have a productive argument at some point you gotta yell shut up
oh come on it was funny it was an off the mic off the mic yelling doesn't count