Name: Bill Burr - FMTV | Bill Rewrites "Aquaman"
Uploaded: 2021-02-12T12:00:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - FMTV | Bill Rewrites "Aquaman"' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - FMTV | Bill Rewrites "Aquaman"' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-12. Transcript available.

you know something can you fucking i still can't believe aquaman made all that
money
mate i mean god i mean happy it did i'm happy some movies making some fucking
money
made 250 fucking million dollars
i i can't believe people saw that fucking movie
aquaman he's a superhero in the ocean hey fish don't commit crimes i know you
want to go see it
yeah i didn't see that movie what i would do is if i was writing aquaman
aquaman is fucking pissed off because of that swirl of trash out in the fucking
pacific ocean
and he's fine because he's not really a person is he right that should be my
next google search
what kind of fish is aquaman what did aquaman do you know what he is some
pirate fucked a mermaid
okay and that's and then the mermaid gave birth to aquaman all right aquaman
grew up without a dad
he's probably a viking with his blonde hair he used to have blonde hair anyways
i don't know
when i was a kid he had blonde hair and an orange shirt you know now he looks
like the fucking
undertaker
uh anyways undertaker's nephew so anyways i was writing that fucking movie
all right some viking
banged a mermaid who's kidding who historically speaking probably raped her
right so he's the rape baby of a viking and a mermaid
all right so his dad's not around and he's a rapist so there's no reason to
look that guy up plus he's on land
and he has gills he can fucking breathe underwater and he sort of speaks
through like waves so i mean
it's bad enough he got to try to fucking
you know call up a rapist on father's day now i mean
you don't really speak so how can you communicate with him
and then the mom you know sort of shuns him because of obviously how she got
pregnant
so he's just sort of fucking you know
he has issues with his mom definitely doesn't like his dad
and his dad's really the only land dweller that he knows
so he's just like you know what fuck this man i don't need anybody i'm just
gonna hang in the ocean
with my fish friend
all right because fish you know they don't fucking judge them or anything
they take them in like you know like the wolves with the babies that get left
out in the woods
all right just just bear with me i'm gonna get somewhere with this so then the
fucking guy
you know as he gets older and older and older right they just they just sit in
there uh
all this trash keeps getting dumped in the ocean and finally
he can't fucking take it anymore
and he just goes on land and he starts fucking taking people out
like charles bronson and death wish all right
you know and like death wish it starts with a rape
all right but in this one
he he's he's doing it for the environment
and the first people he kills are hoarders
well i guess hoarders he'd like because they don't throw it in the ocean
you know what i mean
he'd go after all those people
no you know he'd fucking kill
he'd kill those people that that uh
made that tv show about being minimalist
that encouraged all these people after they bought all this shit to just go
down and dump it at goodwill
and then goodwill just throws it in the fucking ocean or whatever the fuck it
is they do with it
you know what i mean
man all the people i thought i thought he would kill when i really think about
it when i was thinking of people in storage wars he'd kill them he wouldn't
those people are taking shit that usually get thrown out and they'd fucking buy
it and they find some stupid fuck to buy it
i think he just hangs out at a goodwill and just as people show up with their
garbage bags of shit he just fucking takes them
and before the cops can get there right the cops chase him back to the fucking
ocean
you know
maybe he goes to that swirl of trash and he just finds shit and he just goes
through and he finds addresses i don't fucking know
i'll be honest with you i don't even know what i'm talking about at this point
i'm just telling you how i would do movies that i never saw
i don't know what the fuck did they do with aquaman and then they gave him that
chicken of the sea fucking pitchfork
i didn't understand it is he mad that we're eating tuna
we're killing all his friends
you know if that's the case he should start in japan they're the ones that's
doing all the sushi they started that shit right
see I'm trying to get it out of my country