Name: Bill Burr | Getting Asked Out By A Weird Person
Uploaded: 2021-03-10T12:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Getting Asked Out By A Weird Person' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Getting Asked Out By A Weird Person' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-10. Transcript available.

weird ass fucking girl asks me out all right hey bill how you doing okay so i'm
currently
working at walmart as a cart pusher for about three weeks god bless you uh i
don't think i've
ever met a cart pusher that works at walmart you always see him see him all the
time but you ever
know him you ever take your time to talk to him oh my god i can't i can't
imagine the fucking stories
you know what you should do after this job you should become a fucking writer
you can't imagine
what you've seen all right today there was a new girl who was working as a greeter
dude amazon has everybody shook we got to make the store experience more more
exciting
i go to amazon but nobody says hi uh she counts the people going in and greets
them
oh so there's some big brother shit going on all i did was introduce myself and
talk with her a bit
about my job that's all yeah but dude you're pushing those carts man you're
getting buff she's she's
liking what she's saying all of a sudden she asked me if she can go outside and
hang out while i'm
pushing carts out of nowhere she asked me if i'm in love with someone else
asked me if i'm in love with
her grabs my hand oh boy oh jesus asked me if i can dance with her asked me if
i can take her home
and asked me if i wanted to go on a date tomorrow wait in that order
what the fuck
oh boy
i think she's not mentally stable no i i think i think you're right i think you
should trust your gut
she doesn't look that way though she's pretty and has colored eyes i bet she
was a fucking huffer or
something she breathed in a bunch of fucking gas or something like that movie i
saw with philip
seymour hoffman called love liza uh she's about a seven or an eight i've never
had this happen before
so all i can think of this is that she's fucking crazy and wants to fuck my
life up i would actually
go on a date with her if she acted more normally what do you think trust you
got dude don't get don't
get fucking enamored by the looks i'm currently a senior in high school and she's
a sophomore jesus christ
what run away i can write in later and update you if you want yes dude stay
away from that stay
the fuck away from that stay away that is nuclear nuclear pussy stay away from
that nuclear underage
pussy stay away says the monday morning podcast all right girlfriend because
you're a senior dude
you're gonna be like 17 you're probably 17 eventually gonna be 18 and then what
hey we can't bang
anymore because now now i'm of age and you aren't wait what is you know what it's
surprisingly the age
of consent in most states is like fucking 16 if you can fucking believe that
which is insane to me
dude just stay away stay away um lie if you have to all right just you know and
you got to go with
a big lie with somebody crazy tell her you're gay and just say listen i kind of
got the hots for the
manager all right there's just something about him you know there's something
about the fact that he
doesn't have to wear this blue apron just makes he's just hot to me i don't
know um i don't know what
to tell you dude just i would just stay away okay she hasn't come at you with
an axe just tell her i don't
want to go out with you all right stand your ground all right and then you have
to have defined
boundaries no more dancing outside no more no more no more of that shit you got
you got to cut the head
off the snake the good thing is is this is early on in her effect uh infatuation
with you and is there
anybody else at work that maybe you don't like just to have them walk by her
maybe she'll fucking lock
onto that person it's like she's like the female what about bob you have to get
her out of your
fucking world and into somebody else's um but seriously dude i'm fucking around
here but if
that does escalate uh i'd say to go to management but the way the narrative is
out there is as a guy
you're just always wrong when it comes to women so uh i don't know i would just
always make sure
there was a couple of sharpened carts between me and her that's what i would do
um yeah just be like i don't like being touched i've been diagnosed as asexual
and my dream was always to push carts here at walmart so if you don't mind i'm
going to get back to
living my dream