Name: Bill Burr | Super Religious Girlfriend
Uploaded: 2021-04-07T11:00:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Super Religious Girlfriend' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Super Religious Girlfriend' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-07. Transcript available.

my name is carl i'm a 27 year old guy who is starting to become annoyed at my
girlfriend's
religious behaviors um it doesn't bother me so much that she is christian for i
also believe
in god prayer and keeping true to a solid traditional set of moral values it's
just
that her life seems to revolve around christianity and her church her entire
family is extremely
christian and all her friends are from the church well jesus christ you didn't
notice this from the
beginning was she acting like she wasn't religious um i mean the last time she
invited me to hang out
with them was to a bonfire at the church where we were drinking apple juice and
listening to justin
bieber oh boy well justin i don't know well doesn't justin bieber i always get
him confused
justin timberlake was the first one justin bieber well doesn't he sing about
banging chicks
that's kind of weird isn't it i thought he did at least when he was younger not
that he's old now but
now he's you know he's wise beyond his years considering he made it when he was
like 14
so you age in dog years as a fucking celebrity i would think um anyway he goes
don't get me wrong
i didn't want to date a crazy a crazy party a crazy party going wench i did
want to date a nice morally
responsible girl who is fun to be with just not with these powerful christian
undertones she even
invited me to go to the bar with her friends the thursday before easter all
right she said she told me
they were going to honor the last supper by eating some food and by drinking
cocktails i looked at her
and i was just thinking are you fucking serious i know she has her belief but
is there a good way of
telling her to lighten up at the very least not to call me out on little stuff
like using the lord's name
in vain that actually pisses me off especially when she does it around others
or give me these long
disappointed looks when my sense of humor runs over the topic of christianity
uh well okay i'm going to
read the rest of this and then i'll give you my opinion here i like her a lot i'm
just not sure if i can
handle that amount of religious energy for the rest of my life much less have
her turn my kids into
nutless christian geeks who go to youth groups every other night oh and how do
i convince her
that she is an adult she drives home at 12 at night because she feels that
sleeping
over might be disrespectful to her parents and unchristian like even though she
will let me plow her
20 minutes before mass no joke uh oh jesus
i've well so she's not all bad uh i i told her that it is a two-way street that
you should respect
her parents options but they should also respect her ability to make her own
decisions
you know why they should because she is almost fucking 30 oh
please give me your opinion on the situation love you and good luck making
another child that is if nia is
willing to ever couple with you again
um look she needs to be dating one of those people that goes to the bonfire and
is excited to be there
all right um i don't think it doesn't sound like i don't know how she started
doing the christian
thing but you said you you know you like her a lot do you love her do you love
her you just have to
decide like like you don't have to have any of this conversation with this
woman unless you plan on
marrying her um and if you plan on marrying and then you gotta sit down just
say listen
if you know i stubbed my toe i'm gonna say god damn it or jesus christ i am and
i don't need a
fucking lecture from you all right you can stop short of saying i don't think jesus
is coming back
you can stop short of that you don't need to be a jerk you know but like yeah
she's gonna want
her kids to be super fucking religious like her i would think so i would i
would figure that out
but um i i don't i don't think it's a bad thing that somebody's that fucking
religious anymore i just
don't if it works for them and they're not hurting other people you know if you
know i don't know if i
was a better person i would actually go to a church every week just for the
reminder to not be a
complete piece of shit i do like that aspect of it i don't like the intolerance
of it the same way
i'm liberal but i can't listen to these extreme liberal people who cancel
people for for for having a
a fucking just a thought that was different than theirs so it's like most
things you know it's a group
trying to do this for a good reason and then eventually spins out of control
all right you're 27 years
old you know maybe you just want maybe just get out of this thing okay you don't
seem i gotta be honest
with you i don't think you love this person i think you've hung around with
them long enough that
you have feelings for them but i don't think you love them at no point did you
even say that you
like this person love this person you just said you like her a lot um but i
really think that you
look look she's three years old and then you she's you know she's an animal in
the rack she's banging
you and all this type of shit right and you're having a good you're having a
good fucking time
and now you're like okay what am i gonna do here and she's like fucking the 700
club and you know
that's not where you're at so i i think i would get out of this if i was if i
just you know and take
this all with a grain of salt because i don't know you or what's going on but
just the way that was
written i just think you know you're having a good time you guys are banging
and whatever but uh
now when you actually think about taking the next step and getting a little
more serious with her
you're like jesus christ my kids are gonna be like fucking
reenacting the last supper and shit instead of listening to acdc that's not
what the fuck i'm
looking for you know if i'm reading this wrong and you actually really care
about this person you
want to marry him then you need to sit down and talk to him and just say listen
you just got to
lay it out there and just say listen i'm going to say whatever i want i'm going
to make jokes about
whatever i want and sometimes i'm going to make fun of yeah christianity and i'm
not going to raise my
kids uh to be a bunch of church going sissies all right you're not turning them
into like they're not
you know if my kid stubs his toe and goes oh what the fuck jesus christ you
know i understand
watch the language but not you know that's out of respect for us it's not up
not out of respect for
this guy who said he was coming back and he never did okay at this point he's
kind of like the
absentee father for everybody isn't he am i crazy you don't have to go that far
you know what i mean
um yeah i would just say i would say that and it'll make the breakup a lot
easier if you just
if you just tell her like yeah listen i'm gonna have kids you know but they're
not doing this jesus
shit so you can fucking forget that you forget that all fucking day long why
can't i plug this
fucking thing in
what the fuck am i doing wrong sorry as always i don't have any fucking time
trying to do 50 things
at once that's what i would do all right you're 27 years old man you know go on
get a 25 year old
who never goes to church and have a good time baby do whatever the fuck you
want you know or stick with
this one but you got to tell her what's up if you're going to stick with her
that's it all right
because you know what she's doing that for you she's letting you know what's up
marry me have some
christian kids and stand around a bonfire i see fire and i see rain i seen
sunny days that i thought
would never end but i always thought that i'd see jesus once again you know
switching up the lyrics
no i don't know what they do i've never been to some shit like that but i can
tell you right now
i would be like uh are they gonna sacrifice a virgin like what the fuck is
going on here
i need to get out of here you know i don't know but i'm also an asshole all
right that's it
i'm calling it right now the baylor bears are gonna beat gonzaga they're gonna
beat him i think
ucla showed people how to beat him right in the first half not in the second
half let's say in the
first half i didn't even watch the second half in the first half you just
fucking slow it down
they can't they're the kansas city chiefs everybody's getting lulled into their
game start
getting lulled into their game uh i don't know shit all right that's it go fuck
yourselves i'll
check in on you on thursday i have a huge guest a huge drummer guest on thursday
i'm teasing it
all right who has a brand new book out that is so fucking educational and
amazing i'm actually
applying these study practices of it to trying to get my instrument rating on
my pilot license because
it's all the same shit all right no not all the same shit it's just so genius
the way he wrote it all
right that's it i'll see you guys on thursday