Name: Bill Burr - FMTV | Ghosted Mid-date
Uploaded: 2021-05-24T11:00:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - FMTV | Ghosted Mid-date' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-05-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - FMTV | Ghosted Mid-date' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-05-24. Transcript available.

ghosting a chick mid-date oh i've done that a couple of times not proud of it
not proud of it
but i did it and i did it not because i was being mean i did it because i didn't
know how to get the
fuck out of there and that was the easiest way i'm sure some women have done it
i feel bad
that i did it and i'm sure i paid for it in a karmic way all right dear billy
shmegma lips
i don't even want to look to see what that means i know that's brutally inside
i already feel bad
enough about most of my body i don't need to hear that okay i hope you can
weigh in on a little story
that just happened to me i matched with this woman on tinder and things were
going all right
i threw a few jokes and she replied with tomorrow is my birthday and i alluded
to wanting to
hang out i thought why not oh you fucking ghosted her on her birthday
well look up in the sky before you walk out the door tomorrow dude there might
be a piano coming
down on you um anyways uh she said tomorrow's my birthday and i alluded to
wanting to hang out
i thought why not i don't have anything going on she was going to celebrate
with her family on friday
they wanted to meet up for a beer on saturday okay at least it's not her
birthday fast forward to say
she pat she messages me the location of the bar and wants me to come because
she's lonely on her
birthday oh is this her birthday she wants her birthday weekend you saying it's
her birthday all
right it's her birthday we're back on her birthday well as soon as i show up i
buy a beer and she wants
to leave i should have seen this as a red flag already because i didn't even
really get to know her
through one beer as soon as we get into my car she tells me that we can't go to
her place
as her son is home with the date and that would be weird it sounds also
like there's some sort of time issue here
like there's another guy that's what i would think like why i don't even get to
finish my drink you're
like come on come on give me the dick she's got to get back to her other life
this is fucking weird
get out get out get out of there it's like your fucking earpiece came out of
your ear and i'm in
the van what's he doing get him out of there uh she wants me to pay for a hotel
not even knowing
anything but her name and that she has a grown son yes i know she was older but
she had the whole
milf thing going on uh well it could be that all the women know what the fuck
they want um i don't like
this at all at this point i'm a little taken aback by the forwardness as you
should be
and having to suddenly foot the bill for a hotel room that i don't want to pay
for
she won't even split it you know she's that fucking
hungry for the d as the kids say on instagram uh the gram
she changes her mind shortly after i tell her i don't even know her yet and
wants to drive
30 minutes away to a bar in a more happening part of town now she doesn't she
wants to get away from
the guy that's not banging her anymore but she hasn't broken up with yet i'm a
little irritated
at this point and she starts to say it's my birthday and we're driving as we're
driving she
starts to tell me how she wants more kids and criticizing me for not having any
first of all how the fuck
did she end up in your car now all that's running through my head now all that's
running through my
head is to get around in my car as fast as i can exactly so i pull up to a gas
station and give her
20 bucks to say i need a six pack for later in the night and i'm gonna pump
some gas oh my god that's
hilarious with a trip back to the bar to the bar and back i watch her go in and
don't even swipe
my card and pretend to start pumping gas as soon as the coast was clear i put
the pump back got in
my car and drove away and unmatched her on tinder so she couldn't contact me so
am i an asshole here
dude no that's fucking hilarious and you gave her cab fare home okay you gave
and she's in a safe place
she's at a fucking gas station it's a public fucking place oh my god that's
hilarious
the gas station i left her at was only a few blocks from the bar where we left
and there are plenty of
ride shares in the area as well it's also worth noting i legitimately felt like
she would be the type
of person to start hitting me if i rejected her while driving thanks and have a
magical day casper
oh my god that's hilarious dude i gotta i gotta tell you something not only was
that
was that not bad you handled that perfectly
this this this had so many fucking red flags and you don't know what's gonna
happen you don't know
what she's gonna do and god knows you know believe women whatever the fuck she
says
and there's something about her i like you know you got to be let's get the
fuck out of here let's go
to a motel uh she wanted to get it done and then if you wanted to get to know
her fine i'll get to
know you why couldn't you stay in that bar she's got to go 30 minutes away this
just reeked of another
guy driving around trying to find her where the fuck is she why isn't she
fucking her man on her
birthday like that guy isn't out there looking for the fuck out of here
and she seems like she had a kid real young i don't know i think i think you
did i think you
you did good you did good son you did real good and a gentleman too you could
have said i want a
candy bar and give her a couple of bucks um although she is going to walk out
with the booze
but you paid for it ah fuck her good for you god bless you sir god bless you
it's kind of leadership america needs right now