Name: Bill Burr - FMTV | Aggressive Guy Backs Into Car
Uploaded: 2021-05-28T11:00:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - FMTV | Aggressive Guy Backs Into Car' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-05-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - FMTV | Aggressive Guy Backs Into Car' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-05-28. Transcript available.

snitches get stitches uh billy by the way that sounded like a sketch from a
silent film that
you were doing there somehow you fell into that all right billy boy i'm a
little freaked out
i live in poor in a poor american city with its fair share of crazy desperate
violent people
last weekend i was driving onto my block and i saw a work van struggling to
parallel park
they couldn't do it so they pulled out real fast and smashed the back of a
parked car the van sped
away i wrote down the name of the business that was printed on the work van i
wanted to be a good
neighbor so i left an anonymous note on the smash car describing what i saw
later that day the guys
whose car was smashed went around looking for who wrote the note it came back
to me he asked me for
my information so that his insurance company could call me and record my
statement i said okay
the next day the guy said the cops were coming by and wanted to hear my
statement as i was the only
witness i said okay fine now i'm getting a little nervous about an hour before
the cops come by i find
out the driver of the work van is a scary looking motherfucker who just moved
onto my block oh jesus so
now i'm freaked out because i don't want him to know i'm the witness i stay in
my house but peer through
the curtains and watch the cops bang on his door and the scary guy starts
yelling at the cops and denies
every denying everything uh the guy with the damaged car is yelling at him and
it's ugly the damaged car
guy calls me he wants me to tell the cops what i saw i sure as hell am not
walking out my front door
in full view of the scary guy so i agree to meet the cops in the alley behind
my house because i don't
want the scary guy to know i'm the witness so i'm talking to the cops in the
alley and of course the
scary guy walks past and looks over us and points his fingers finger so now my
cover is blown you know
fuck this guy fuck this fucking asshole fuck him fuck that guy walking around
fucking yelling at people
he's a fucking i bet he's not even tough screaming and fucking yelling this is
a good time for you to
young guy go go take some fucking jujitsu classes or something like that fuck
this guy this guy's
annoying the shit out of me walking around pointing his finger at you yeah go
fuck yourself you're a piece
of shit you hit somebody else's car and you drove away you cunt anyways uh on
the plus side he doesn't
know which house i live in or what car i drive but i think he would recognize
me if he saw me on the
street what where did i go wrong do you think this guy is going to kick my ass
i try to remain anonymous
during this whole thing but maybe i should have shouldn't have agreed to tell
the cops anything
what would you have done
oh i absolutely would have fucking wrote down i absolutely would have wrote
down i would have done
exactly what the fuck you did i hate when people do that when they hit your car
and they
fucking drive away like that
fuck that guy
fuck that guy
screaming and yelling i i i don't know dude i i don't know how to fight but i i
did something about
bullies
i i can't fucking stand him so fuck him i would have done exactly what you did
okay i think you have a right to be concerned about your safety but like um i
mean what does
that tell you about yourself okay this is this is a problem in your life that
you can easily
go solve maybe use this as an opportunity to learn some self-defense you know
what i mean
and uh yeah and i don't know this guy just seems like he just yells at people
big scary guy and he
goes around yelling at people he ain't he's not i don't know i don't know the
guy but i'm just saying
fuck him anyways i have no fighting skills so now i have to sneak in and out of
my house and worry
about this fucker time to move well i mean you might want to entertain that i
don't know i mean
it doesn't sound like it's a nice neighborhood to begin with if you can move to
a nicer neighborhood
maybe you should do that but uh you shouldn't be living in fear either way so
if you're going to stay
there there's plenty of self-defense courses go out there learn how to defend
yourself
all right don't go looking for a confrontation but just know if that guy you
know it comes to you
you'll be able to handle yourself but you you shouldn't be going around as a
man living in fear