Name: Bill Burr - FMTV | Attacked By Girlfriend's Bird
Uploaded: 2021-08-07T11:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - FMTV | Attacked By Girlfriend's Bird' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - FMTV | Attacked By Girlfriend's Bird' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-07. Transcript available.

girlfriend's pet uh hey bill love the podcast always good for a laugh i'm a 20
year old man
and i got this girlfriend i got this girlfriend you already sound like you're
out the door
you don't i don't have a girlfriend i got this girlfriend like i got this
problem
i love her very much okay well okay i guess i was wrong her pet bird not so
much you see this bird
bird is small only a parakeet but it it sure is aggressive towards me and
anyone but her and her
mother so aggressive that even being in the same room makes it dive bomb me
almost every time i'm
there it bites her even sometimes and draws blood well put the thing in a
fucking cage
anyways now i kind of like this bird even though it fucking hates me we lay in
bed
and watch tv together what the girl the bird and me oh jesus not just the bird
and i okay cool now i
don't want to be a cunt and tell her that she needs to put the bird away while
we are hanging out
but it starts to get out of hand so far so that she starts to cry whenever i
suggest
some alone time with just us she cries over that
what that's fucking weird dude i would slowly back out of the room be like hey
i'm gonna go
uh get some bird seed i'll see you later that's it yeah dude that's fucked that
that is that is bizarre
now this girl whom i love is very sensitive and emotional and i'm an angry ass
oh boy
so your advice about screaming in the car as i go home usually works but this
is where i draw the
line she has told me multiple times that if she has to pick between me or the
bird it's
the bird every day of the week well there you go there's your answer you can't
get mad at
honesty sir you just have to act accordingly this pisses me off how can she
choose that
fucking animal over me i get it she loves it but i'm her boyfriend yeah you're
also not trying to
hurt the bird the bird's trying to hurt you but i'm her boyfriend and over a
year and i'm honestly
insulted so bill how do i ask her to just put the bird away for a little while
every day so that we
can hang out on our own anyways thanks a lot bill and come to south dakota
sometime um
this is what i would do i'd stop going over there and just say listen i respect
the fact
that you love that bird so much okay i respect your wishes okay but i also
respect my own well-being
and i don't want to you know if i had an animal that was hurting you there
would be no question it
would not be in the room if you came over okay i've asked you nicely you don't
want to do it i respect
that so if you want to hang out with me come over my place leave the bird at
home all right
if you ever want me to come over there again you have to put that fucking bird
away don't say
fucking you got to put the bird away it's not fair to me all right the fucking
thing bites you
i think he even said drew blood one time um so yeah that's the deal
i mean the bird's not going to listen to her day is is is it i don't know that's
what i would do
i don't know buddy i i don't i don't uh
i don't know about that draft pick either
you know i guess i could see if she was 13 but she's 20 years old and she is
like that about a
fucking bird uh i don't know that's fucking weird like i said i get loving
animals i love animals too
but not to the point where i choose them
but not to the point where i choose them
but not to the point where i choose them
but not to the point where i choose them
but not to the point where i choose them
or another fucking human being when they're trying to hurt that human being
Thank you.