Name: Bill Burr | Wife Lies About Having No Money
Uploaded: 2021-09-01T11:00:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Wife Lies About Having No Money' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr | Wife Lies About Having No Money' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-01. Transcript available.

unhappy husband unhappy life hey billy birkensocks uh since you're the man of
amazing advice
oh by the way that is a big like whole that's a myth too the whole sexual
fucking revolution
that basically nobody was fucking until woodstock and in the uh the dawning of
the age of aquarius
it all depends on who you were talking to told you a long time ago i remember
talking to this
fucking he was 72 at the time it was like the early 90s and he was saying he
had this fucking
he used to bang this red-headed chick with green eyes up against a tree out in
the boston common
and my jaw almost hit the floor and he stopped his story and he goes let me
tell you something kid
every generation thinks they're the first one that ever fucked
and i never forgot that so um i think the sexual revolution was more of a
sexual revolution
for like suburban people but i think if you were in the city they've been those
fucking animals been
banging away you know people in the city they grow up fast they grow up fast
they don't wait for the
ice cream man they rob him they take his truck you know they push him down a
flight of stairs like in
that fucking brad pitt movie and all of a sudden they they go to a school for
boys and horrible things
happen to them all right since you're a man of amazing advice sleepers is that
what it's called i
figure i tell you my story of how money can fuck up your marriage all right i
was married for a year until i
found out that my ex-wife was lying to me about money oh she didn't light up
the cards did she
a bit of a backstory i've known this chick for 15 years i'm 37 and she was 42
uh we always had a thing for each other but life circumstances always kept us
busy we both got busy
with our careers our other relationships etc it wasn't until 2019 that we said
let's give it another
shot we did while together i was on cloud nine i thought i found a good woman
and with someone i
trusted with my life boy was i wrong jesus christ you guys should start writing
for like those murder
shows my wife watches it was a quiet town a little too quiet uh before we got
married i laid out my
financial books and told her everything how much i made bills debt etc i've
always been good with money
and never had to rely on credit cards uh wait i've always been good what let me
just back up i was just
thinking of some episode i watched before we got married i laid out my
financial books and i told her
everything how much i made bills debt etc i've always been good with money and
never had to rely on credit
cards now did she do the same thing that and i've been known to live a frugal
lifestyle her on the other
hand no she always had to have the louis vuitton nice clothes etc she was
making good money when we were
together but she told me after we were married that even in a dip in income
i won't change my lifestyle
what a thing to say after what a thing to say after i figured it's her money
let her have let her have
her fun this was pre-pandemic and she was making close to six figures
how immature is that even in a dip in income i won't change my lifestyle
at that point you're not living in reality
ah buddy you you married a dope i'm sorry when the pandemic hit we lost both of
our jobs i picked up
a few odd jobs while she found another job she's an accountant but she took a
30 000 pay cut
and how did she celebrate finding another job buying a birkin bag she went from
making 120 grand a year as a
senior accountant to 90 grand a year while it's still good i come to find out
that's a huge chunk of her
income go oh goes to paying off credit cards that she still and that she still
owes student loans
she's been an accountant for almost 20 years and she only paid off 10 of her 85
000 in student loans
now did you not ask her this because you didn't want to cause a fight or
because you assumed
that because she's an accountant oh my my laptop's flickering again that
because she was an accountant
she you know had her books balanced anyways of course she failed to tell me
this before we got married
she went further to lie more about money it turned out she barely had two
nickels to rub together
before we got married and saw me as a way out of her bad choices now you have
that is in quotes as if she
said that dude this is this out here with you know they keep acting like men
are always the predators
and women are always the prey this is not the case all right there's assholes
on both sides of the genitalia
there um and now that so many people are transitioning you're going to get more
assholes in that pool
all right everybody whatever you're into you got to have your head on a swivel
all right as i'm in
the process of finishing nursing school and i'm getting ready to graduate
within the next six months
i have hospitals throwing themselves at me offering great money once she saw
this i saw her eyes widen
and she and i both knew that i'd be making great money while she got to spend
it no no dude no this is
not happening you can't let this happen by the way i put myself through school
she never dropped a dime
for me to go this was all grants and loans wow wait a minute i'm i'm confused
so after you had this
conversation you then went to medical school no you're you're finishing nursing
school and i'm getting ready
to graduate within the next six months okay all of my friends and family have
told me to bail that's what
i say even my own mom paid for the filing fees for my divorce as i was tapped
financially due to me
helping her with her bills and yeah dude she totally took advantage of you get
out now and there's nothing
you can do about it okay because she's a woman and you're a man and that's it
so they win always so just
take lose by 40 rather than by 100 would be my advice i didn't make a lot but i
tried to be the
good husband and have her back did she help me when my bank account is close to
negative no a few
weeks ago i filed for divorce and moved out all right good for you
um our lease was ending and i figured it i moved back in with the family as she
took what little we had the couch
bed and what little furniture we had in our small apartment yeah of course she
felt entitled to that
fucking twat um as i write this i still don't understand why she felt the need
to lie to me about
her finding because she's a piece of shit sir she's a lying opportunistic piece
of shit
uh maybe i never will even though i'm rebuilding my life i thank god every day
we didn't start a family
that's good that is all good but i can tell you this now you have to accept
some of the responsibility
if you ever if you want to grow from this what the are you going to do the next
time
you get ready to marry somebody okay you got you gotta you gotta vet the person
you gotta find out what
their finances are where they're at all right you got off easy oh you know
something you know what's
funny about all the way she's living her life was she ended up in the same
fucking situation she was in
with nothing and then she put you in the same situation and all she got out of
it was a couch and a bed
and a small apartment what a piece of i hope she has to scrub the floors with a
toothbrush i used one
at that um all right anyway bill i'm sorry for the long ass email but hopefully
my story will help
someone that was in this situation was in my situation to ask the right
questions and always
do your due diligence there you go see look he's taking responsibility thanks
again and go yourself yeah man i'm sorry that happened to you um you know and
there is this
big sort of thing out there that you know the man's supposed to help you know
take care of the woman
take your jacket off put it over the puddle you know don't get caught up in
that hype
treat them as equals all right what are you bringing to the party okay
like they they're their ability to manipulate the whole game like the same way
like they look at it
like sex is they're doing you a favor like it doesn't feel good for them like
they don't have
an orgasm too you know what i mean like the whole thing just the whole way that
that whole thing is
just looked upon that they're they're giving themselves to you you know
i guess how we're set up you know how you're entering them i i guess on some
level but i mean
there's also like some mind there's some tom foolery little tom fuckery going
on there
with the with the whole power structure of that um and all they got to do is
show up and look good
and they've done their part and you got to go pick up a hammer and go crush all
the rocks i mean
while they say they want equality i don't know i'm just saying there's a lot of
great women out
there this one wasn't uh but this woman does exist but you can't really talk
about her now without
being called sexist okay but the truth is is this okay women like this are not
bigfoot okay they
actually exist so like this person says do your goddamn due diligence look out
for it and if they
start getting their back up and they start getting angry that's because they
got something to hide
all right then you go colombo you act confused and you keep pressing the
questions
and then you then you know then maybe you start asking people around you what
they what their thing
is because sometimes people keep their mouth shut because they don't get in the
middle of it like
well you know it looks like he's gonna marry you so i ain't gonna say nothing
because i'm gonna lose my
friend.