Name: Bill Burr - FMTV | Gaslighting Boyfriend
Uploaded: 2021-10-15T11:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - FMTV | Gaslighting Boyfriend' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - FMTV | Gaslighting Boyfriend' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-15. Transcript available.

polyamorous boyfriend or douchebag oh wait a minute wait i got i forgot to play
my jingle
here we go here we go come on it's time for advice with your host billy burn
and i'm ripping
off this melody from somebody else oh i don't really know how to sing but it
doesn't stop me
from trying um all right what the fuck am i let's let's read some of this shit
here
polyamorous boyfriend or douchebag all right i gotta fucking look i don't even
know what
polyamorous means oh monogamous metamucil i don't know what these fucking words
mean polyamorous
polyamorous demisexual polyamorous characterized by or involved in the practice
of engaging in
multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved yeah
or in layman's terms living the dream um i don't know anyone in a polyamorous
relationship
but uh it sounds like a lot of fun if you have the right seat belt all right
polyam amorous
um
what is a demisexual somebody wants to bang to me more sex positive demisexual
demisexual are demisexual polyamorous dude this is fucking amazing
you know i was a kid it was gay and straight that's it that was it who knew
there was all
these different shades and now they all have fucking names you know and it's
just going to keep going
you know they're going to figure out they're going to see what kind of porn you're
into and they're
going to have to look like new fucking labels for everything all right all
right what you know i
gotta look what is a demisexual a demi you need to know this shit you can get
in fucking trouble
by saying the wrong fucking thing i'm a dumu sexual not demisexual a demisexual
is a person who
does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional
connection with someone
jesus you mean a fucking someone who was raised right it's more commonly
seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships
is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong
emotional
yeah that sounds like a fucking well-adjusted person
all right well now i want to know the answer to that are demisexuals
monogamous
oh my god there's gray asexual what the fuck is that
is that like when you're almost dead and you don't even you don't even not only
do you want
to fuck anybody you don't want to live anymore your fucking skin's all gray i
know it's not that
little gray asexual gray asexual spelt g-r-a-y-a-sexual is a sexual orientation
on the asexual
spectrum can you imagine the fucking work asexual people must get done provided
they're not jerking off all day
i mean if you're asexual there's no fucking you're just not in a relationship
you know no fights hey what do you want to have to dinner tonight exactly what
the fuck you want
all right there's a sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum gray asexuals
may experience
sexual attraction but very infrequently
that's crazy that's like you ever see like animals they like fuck once one time
a year
they're wired like that some gray asexual people may not may only feel a sexual
attraction once or
twice in their life what's happening oh my god and then they they just they've
never given a fuck
then oh i this is there anything here that gray asexuals opening lines hey i
gotta tell you i really
find you attractive no you don't understand i haven't found any my i my dick
has not gone up in fucking
three decades all right that's like five six presidents uh some gray asexual
people may only
find it once and twice in their life others may experience it more frequently
but still not as
frequently as most allosexual people oh my god i mean this is you know what
this is like types of clouds
try to get my instrument rating on my pilot's license and it's just like it's
just like
stratus cumulus nimbo cumulus stratus lentil lifting fucking it's just like jesus
fucking christ
you know it's like it's like the amount of m&ms they have now or allosexuals or
alloromantic
is the opposite of asexual in other words someone who experiences sexual or
romantic attraction the
term is not does that mean they fuck a lot of people the term was created by
the aspec community
as a way to describe those who are not asexual and slash or not aromantic
well what the fuck is aromantic jesus christ what where am i on the internet
right now
now you know i read so many definitions i don't know anything is what am i
talking about here
polyamorous yeah back to the thing polyamorous boyfriend or douchebag
oh i can already answer this well it depends if you're fucking banging a bunch
of guys and if
he's out there banging a bunch of women all right uh lady uh dear bill i have a
predicament
that i'm in and i need your hilarious and brutal brutal honesty oh you know why
you know why
come on play ah fuck i try to cue it up come on
why i want to play yeah
that's me
me from somebody else all right i'm gonna stop playing that because it's gonna
get old real quick
i have a predicament that i'm in i need your last brutal honesty i'm a 27 year
old lady prime of your life
oh yeah anybody else get the new fucking tool album how great is that huh
that's my shit right there i want to figure that song out before i give it and
have somebody fucking
just look at somebody do a fucking drum drum cover it's called invincible
impossible um or if you have my drumming ability it's called impossible thank
you i'll be here all week
all right uh i'm a 27 year old lady and i've been in a relationship with a 25
year old guy
for about eight months now i'll do this guy is the fucking man
he's banging an older broad and he talked her into a polyamorous relationship
what this guy's the shit
he's smart he's loving and we spend all of our days off together
though there have been a lot of issues along the way that make me unsure about
us
when we were three months into our relationship my boyfriend told me about his
ex who he claims is
not an ex but just someone he casually slept with for four years
dot dot dot ellipses eye roll
he told me he felt bad for her because she was going through a rough time and
she lost all of her friends
oh so she was getting the uh consoling cock
i mean that's the thing
you know you got gray as sexuals
you got demisexuals
and then you got uh
consolosexuals
uh he asked if if it would be okay for him to meet up with her for a cup of
coffee
i said okay as i trusted him and he reassured me he felt nothing for her
that he was not attracted to her and that he just wanted to grab some coffee
oh jesus christ
about a week after that conversation i called him and he answered revealing
that his ex was in his apartment
okay all right well there you go
now what you should have done was going out and get some hot coffee
and fucking throw it in his face
and the both of them were having beers
after i quickly ended the conversation he immediately text
texted me asking if he could fuck her
or come on her tits
no joke
i answered him
ended the relationship
and stated that we both clearly wanted different things
lol
hey well you know one thing about this guy
he's fucking honest
well i guess he didn't say that she was coming over
he immediately sent her home he says
and he came over
he was upset and explained
he was upset
is this real
are you fucking with me
he was upset and explained that he thought we were in a polyamorous
relationship
no no he didn't
no he didn't
no he didn't
this is the way he does this shit
this is what i think the kids call gaslighting
even though i told him that he could not have sex with anyone else
when we agreed to be boyfriend slash girlfriend
there was only one conversation about poly
amory in which he
did say he wanted to be
in a polyamorous relationship
but i responded to this by asking him
what a
what polyamory even was
and he said that it meant that maybe we could have a threesome
i answered maybe someday
yeah so this guy's a lying piece of shit
but i wasn't ready for that
he was okay with that
never mentioned that
we could fuck whoever we wanted
when we wanted
after much fighting
we end up working through it
he admitted that
he was in love with me
oh bullshit
he's keeping you in his stable
fuck this guy
and that polyamory was not important to him at all
bullshit
oh i don't know this guy
but um
i would break up with him
um
that he would rather be with me
than with all the ladies in the world
oh bullshit
i'm sure he said that to that chick
he was having fucking beers with
he agreed not to talk
to his ex anymore
and we moved on
that's all bullshit
since then we discussed boundaries many times
i've tried to end the relationship
a couple more times
because
of his ignorant flirtatious behavior
he's not ignorant
he's selfish
um
found out
he went out for a drink
with a girl from class
he's attracted to
and found out
he's been texting her
though not sexually
yeah
oh jesus christ
how many more red flags do you need
uh
most recently
i tried to break up with him
after he told me
he was texting his ex again
yeah
i i called that
fucking two paragraphs ago
every time we fight
i tried to end it
he writes me long letters
about how much he loves me
and would do anything for me
he's full of shit
he's just
he's just saying whatever he needs to say
to selfishly keep you in his life
it's gonna feel fucking great
tell this guy to go fuck himself
i don't even know this guy
and i hate this guy
he will blame his behavior
on his terrible relationship
with his mother and his father
he'll do anything
but take responsibility for it
um
he blames his father
who was a womanizer
he begs me to give him time
and to tell him what it is
and isn't okay
yeah because he doesn't get it
well this is what you should do
you should invite him over one time
as you're riding the dick
of somebody else
and be like
you see this
this isn't okay
if you see what you're feeling right now
that's how you've been making
that's how you were making me feel
um he literally wrote
out a relationship agreement
my friends don't like him
and think he is a controlling
he's controlling slash disrespectful
towards him
i've never met the guy
and i don't like him
uh they say i'm way out of my
uh they say i'm way out of his league
and they are shocked
that he acts the way he does
oh they say i'm way out of his league
okay
i know the answer seems obvious
but i'm deeply in love with him
yeah he's he's fucking the shit out of you
is what's happening here
that's what it is
he's a good looking guy
and this is how he gets away with it
right
that's what it is
i get it
i see
i was wondering why you would stay with this person
i get it now
all right
he's coming over there
you know
he's got the romantic novel hair
you know
he's packing about eight inches
he knows what to do with it
and uh
he keeps sucking you back in
uh
been telling myself
he's just young and naive
i always believe him
when he says he'll stop talking to other girls
and that he's never
that he has never cheated on me
as i can see how much he loves me
uh
parentheses
as i've read through his text
yeah they probably copied and pasted
from the other person he sent him to
though it hasn't changed
how much he looks at other girls
how much he loves strip clubs
oh good lord
and how about cocaine
can we throw that in there for the trifecta
and the fact that i have to even read through his text
please bill
am i just blind because i love
or does this relationship just need a lot of work and communication
long time fan and listener
best wishes to you nia and your lovely daughter
and of course go fuck yourself
yeah yeah
jesus christ
you know what
i bet as i read this out loud
you know
i think you know what you need to do
yeah fuck this guy
and fuck this guy
and this guy is gonna hurt a lot of people
and uh
so
and the longer you're with him
the more he's gonna hurt you
get the fuck out
that's it
all right
that's it
get the
um
what i would do