Name: Bill Burr v Vanity Plates
Uploaded: 2021-12-29T12:00:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr v Vanity Plates' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr v Vanity Plates' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-29. Transcript available.

oh you know i was on instagram last night because i'm a 12 year old girl right
i'm on instagram
and um they're making fun of fucking asshole peoples that drive teslas and have
like those
vanity plates that talk about gas what's that lol gas no gas blah blah blah
blah blah and all
these fucking douchebags like that's not dumb enough all of these douchebags i
swear to god
like 80 of them were just like and um where do you think electricity comes from
making the point that you need uh fossil fuels to create electricity every like
i swear to god
like 80 of the comments were that it's like haven't you read that everybody's
already made this point
you dumb fucks and they're all going like yeah this is just like the new glorified
prius it's like
yeah no it isn't no it isn't a tesla is not a glorified prius a tesla is the
fastest car
on the fucking road and none of those cunts can fucking admit it
you know none of those gas driving cunts this is just like masked people versus
unmasked people
and nobody sees you know that we're all a bunch of cunts right myself included
like people with gas cars don't have those stupid vanity plates all those
fucking morons who have an
incredibly small amount of horsepower but you'd never know it from how loud
their exhaust is
driving down the fucking street
it's like i can still see you i've heard your car for 10 minutes i can still
see you on the highway
anytime they just barely step on the gas it makes so much fucking noise
to give the illusion that their car is actually fast and it isn't it's just
loud
now i'm not giving motorcycle people shit your bike should be loud because
people can't see it but if
they can hear you that's how you stay alive right so i don't mind a loud
motorcycle but what i do i
there should be a rule if your car is loud it has to be fast remember gas
monkey garage fast and loud
it just wasn't loud oh my god these fucking idiots with their fucking
there's actually something you now can stick into your exhaust to make it sound
louder
to make it sound like you know i don't know it's like you're lying about your
dick size
you got a regular old dick and you're making the noise like you're a fucking
porn star
you know and all these gas driving fucking car cunts with their uh stupid
vanity plates
you lose bye-bye and all of this shit making all of this fucking noise when
there's a silent car that makes no fucking noise that will with fucking two
kids in kids seats and
groceries in the back will fucking destroy you fucking destroy you
my car makes noise and smoke comes out of it these fucking quiet cars
where do you think the electricity comes from and then the fucking idiot's
driving the electric
car is like oh have a fire fire at the gas station
it's like why can't you just buy what you like and shut the fuck up
you know in a perfect world somebody with a gas driving car
with a you lose license plate will have a head-on collision with someone in a
tesla
you know with their gas question mark lol can you get a question mark on a
license plate i don't know
in a perfect fucking world
in a world that is perfect they would have a head-on collision the airbags come
out
you know and they both get out a little groggy and they go into that little
tent on the side of the
fucking uh nfl game they come out everybody's fine
and then the police officer like uh yeah your cars are totaled you're both at
fault
uh all we could save is your license plates you know and then they both have to
go
sit at a fucking bus stop because all the uber people are busy that day or
maybe they don't want to
work whatever whatever the fuck goes on at uber you know this is a high volume
time there's not a lot of
whatever one of those times and they just both have to sit there and they have
to work out their differences
you know and just sit there you know it's kind of funny that both of us took
the time out of our
who gives a fucking dmv to get a customized license plate who the fuck has time
to do that
who gives a fuck that much there has to be something online there has to be
some sort of
psychiatry psychiatry think tank is that how you say it the kind of person
i'm just gonna look up people who
get custom license whoops i spelt it wrong of course
plates
okay personal interest specialized license plates what you need to know about
vanity plates what drives people to take
vanity license plates
okay
okay
here's one maryland
it's w-e-h-v
f-u-n we have fun
performance coach caroline adam miller says vanity plates can boost self-esteem
pictured her own we have fun to boost state coffers texas sold a dallas doctor
a porsche
for 7500 then it sold him america for 3 000. what does that mean both were
licensed plates sold at auction
i will get my american citizenship next month so it means a lot to me
says salman wahid
an intensive care
physician
he wanted ferrari but dropped out
when bidding for that went too high eventually netting fifteen thousand dollars
the top price paid
the car says ferrari
it says it right on your case you didn't you know
just crossing all the t's and dotting all the i's
after years of selling vanity plates at a modest sideline charging as little as
five dollars states
think that there's more money to be made in whatever drives people to buy them
facing budget crisis states are right raising surcharges or proposing annual
fee hikes for custom plates
texas has gone a step further as they always do
there's another step to take you know texas is going to take it and it's going
to be a bigger
step than any other state because we're big it hired a private company to raise
25 million
over the next five years by auctioning off vanity plates
people like to express themselves especially in texas
i am from massachusetts we don't like to express ourselves we do but not the
way they like to in texas
um said like what when what where is that that whole statement what what world
is that based in
people like to express themselves okay well there's a bold statement
okay yeah everybody likes to express them especially in texas
that's just to go for the you know hacky applause that's right yeah that's
right man expressing myself
right now my belt buckle um says a spokesperson for a texas department of motor
vehicles
this year that is just literally they're just chumming the water of mouth
breathing morons
people like to express themselves i like to express myself especially in texas
i'm from texas
that's right it's my god-given right to express myself and you can i'm saying
everybody in texas
is dumb all right i'm not saying that i'm just saying that you have a lot of
dumb people there
because you have more real estate so everything's going to be higher okay i'm
sure you have a higher
level of uh you know super smart people you know that realize maybe i don't
need a shiny pickup truck
considering i don't own a ranch and just because i'm in texas i don't really
need a four-wheel drive
pickup truck because i'm not going to go four-wheeling anyway maybe you know i
think that's where the bar is
in texas for intelligence to actually not buy a pickup truck realizing that you
don't need one
you know do you know how many people don't need pickup trucks and actually have
them
myself included um that's why the four-door cab is so popular i hate the four-door
cab because you don't
have a bed anymore it's basically a rumble seat it's like what the did you get
a pickup truck for
if most of the truck is going to be from you know where you bring in your
construction crew
that isn't doing construction you know
anyway sorry um and then they go especially in texas and then this is just
going to get people
well i'm from texas you're supposed to buy a pickup truck so i'm about pick up
broken
and they're saying people like to express myself i need to express myself right
says the spokesperson for
the texas department of motor vehicle this year at the nation's first auction
texas sold 33 plates
for 139 400 in the u.s there's room for vanity to grow oh jesus just when we
thought we couldn't be
more about ourselves despite having 9.3 million motor vehicles with vanity
plates the 46 states that
charged annual fees for them collectively raised only about 177 million so now
they're just going
to make them more expensive because there's no money left because we're just
having never-ending wars
and we don't own our own currency anymore the potential market is huge
many motorists such as 60 year old lee weaver are devoted to their plates even
if they may cause
trouble mr weaver lives in virginia but he's a hardcore boston red sox fan
whose license plate says
eight bo socks what's that car yastrzemski
well nobody in virginia gives a about the red sox his toyota solara has been
scratched to
pieces he says oh wow oh they probably just don't like because he's a yankee
and he's endured insults
and obscene gestures on the highway especially when he's driving north on i-95
near new york
yet rather than opting for less noticeable plates he he wouldn't get rid of his
in a million years
he says i absolutely love my tags all right i'm out of here i can't read any
more of this all right
worst vanity plates let's get here let's get this going here all right the 10
worst license plates ever
approved all right what do we got here i nominate this for one of the 10 worst
fucking websites
oh all kinds of ads oh god am i in this i'm in this part of the internet
uh oh wait a minute this is a bad one this one of the vanity places it's lstn
space cnt which at quick glance reads listen cunt
wow
oh my god
i don't even know what the x e s t t u b now that i've made fun of all of these
people i can't figure
out what that's supposed to say i've been trying to post this all day read more
what does this one mean
here's a tesla owner with lol oil plates displaying some of the trademark smugness
that these people
hate these otherwise that makes people hate these otherwise cool electric
sports cars yeah
yeah and also you know it's it's not like it didn't take a bunch of raw
materials to make your car it's
just different raw materials right well it's still plastic i guess lithium for
all the batteries
anyway have you ever seen a more pitiful embarrassing plate than this it could
be either
a custom license plate or just very unfortunate set of random state issues like
no i don't think it was
um pull out p-u-l-o-u-t and it says choose life
that is unbelievable