Name: Bill Burr's Trip to Disney
Uploaded: 2023-04-21T17:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr's Trip to Disney' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr's Trip to Disney' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-21. Transcript available.

I just took my daughter, my wife and my daughter, to Disneyland for my daughter's
sixth birthday.
And I got to tell you this, I had a fucking blast. I had a great time. I don't
know what
all these fucking parents are bitching about. You know, I know, I know. They
got the deal there
where they fucking, you get off the ride. I like now when you go there, you get
off the ride
and you immediately go into a gift shop that has got more fucking merchandise
than that fucking
band kiss. I mean, it's unbelievable. But what I did like, though, was the
amount of parents
that were like all about it. They were like so into it. They had the ears on.
They were
dressing like characters and all of that shit. And we stayed at a hotel near
the premises.
And my daughter went with one of her, not one of her, literally went with her
best friend,
which was great. We went with another family, which was perfect because they're
cool and
that kid's an absolute sweetheart. And so I just knew it would be a better
experience if
she could go with another kid the first time at Disneyland. So we went there
and we went
downstairs for breakfast. I swear to God, Mickey Mouse was there, Minnie Mouse,
Pluto. And I
don't know if it was Chip or Dale. My daughter knew. I guess like their noses
are different.
So we got pictures with all of them. I saw Goofy for half a second. But then he
like, he like dipped
out or whatever. And I'm sitting there and I was took me back to when I went to
Disney World
a long, long, long fucking time ago. Put it this way. The last time I was at
Disney World,
they were building Epcot Center. Um, and they were talking about how amazing it
was going to be and
all of that stuff. I can't remember if I went there in this, I think I went in
the seventies and then
one more time in my, in the eighties. But I remember cause I was a little kid.
I remember they were
having the parade going down main street and all I wanted to do was meet Goofy.
I thought Goofy was
the funniest and the best character and all of that. So the person in the Goofy
suit was skipping
down the street. I remember Pluto was just walking down the street, shaking
people's hands on one
side where Goofy was skipping across, going over the middle, right? Like what?
Not, not even worried
about Ray Lewis, just going over the middle and he was skipping from side to
side. And I sat there
going, Goofy, Goofy, Goofy. Like you're not even understanding how sound
travels is that the
fucking dude could not hear me. And of course he skipped on past. I didn't get
to shake his
hand. I never met him and it bugged me. And then I went there when I was a
little bit
older, still didn't meet him. Right? So today we go downstairs for breakfast
and, uh, lo and
behold, Oh no, wait, wait, I missed it. We went into the park and who's
standing there taking
pictures with a line of people is fucking Goofy. I'm like, Oh shit. I've been
waiting for this
picture for over 40 years. So I stand in line with my daughter and I get there.
One of the
Disney people's just like, yeah, Goofy's got a show, man. He's, he's got to go.
He's got
to go. So like, this is the end of the line. And I went, all right, I get it.
You got to
be the bad guy. No worries. No problem. And he says, all right, cool. And then
Cruella
Davil was hanging out and, uh, my friend was saying that Cruella is like the
best character
to play. Cause you can like openly shit on people. Cause it's part of your
character.
Like he, like my kid and the other kid that she was with were like screaming at
one point
and the Cruella Davil person, she was like, Oh, who's making that awful noise
or something?
Was kind of awesome. And she was being all arrogant and acting like, you know,
she was the shit.
I really enjoyed meeting her, but I didn't get to meet Goofy. Right? So I'm
leaving and we're
going downstairs to go to breakfast. And I'm thinking like, all right, you know,
this is the last little breakfast thing here. You know, the last little $900
for fucking poached eggs
that I'm going to have to pay for. And we show up breakfast and who's standing
there doing a
fucking step and repeat pictures or whatever is Goofy. Right? The Buffalo Bills
driving with nine
minutes to go. The Buffalo Bills are driving. I'm just saying this for me.
Cause by the time this
is posted, this game will be over. Fucking Goofy standing there. So I stand in
line.
It's like, you know, five sets of parents, sets of parents, not just parents,
five sets of parents,
like two and three people. They all went to Disney together and they're
standing in line,
standing in line. And we get down to like one family in front of us and Goofy
just fucking,
he just bounces. He walks. And I'm like, what the fuck? And then the lady goes,
Oh, Goofy just had
to go take a quick break, but blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, all right, the
guy, you know,
the guy's got to take a leak. Worst case scenario with dump. This'll be a good
seven minutes. He's
coming back. He washed his hands. He's got the white gloves on. All right, this
is cool. Goofy's coming
back. We stand there for seven to 10 minutes. And fucking Pluto comes walking
around the corner.
Like this is like an acceptable substitute. It reminded me way back in the day
when I went to
the Boston garden to go see the ice capades and Dorothy Hamill, the Olympic
gold medal winner
for women's in 1976 was supposed to be doing the figure skating. And right as
the lights went down,
they go, we're sorry. Dorothy Hamill will not be skating. All right. Fucking,
uh, Skylar,
what's his face from the fucking Miami dolphins is going to be, everybody's
like, Oh, what the
fuck? We're all, it's what we came out for. She was like America's sweetheart.
Like all the chicks
were going out, getting her haircut. Even Shirley from Laverne and Shirley,
that TV show had a Dorothy
Hamill fucking haircut. And she fucking, she bounced, she dipped, whatever the
kids say,
just like Goofy. So fucking dude leaves. And then Pluto comes back around. I
got fucked again.
And my wife was laughing. She, cause she always calls little me when she thinks,
when I tell this stories from my childhood, she always goes, Oh, baby, baby.
Right. So I'm walking away and she's just laughing. She just goes, I go, the
guy fucking dipped and Pluto
came back and she laughed. I go, I've been waiting to get that photo for over
40 years. And then she goes,
Oh, so I put my head down and act like I'm all sad. She goes, baby, baby.